bazera

@Sevi I think the main reason of my problem is some assumptions that I assumed about myself in my childhood and teenage years. Some of them are: you are physically unattractive, you won't ever have an intimate partner, you are not worthy of being loved by an opposite sex, you act weird in front of girls, you don't have a confidence to talk to a girl that you like, your opinions doesn't have any value so shut the fuck up, etc. So, basically my self-image and self-esteem are not in a very good shape. But right now, I realize when and where I did those assumptions. I also realize that all of them are bullshit and a complete fiction created by my thoughts during childhood. But now the problem is that only knowing this stuff doesn't help me. If I am honest with myself, my mind actually thinks those things that I listed above automatically without me being aware of it thinking. That creates emotions and suffering (anxiety, etc). So I just wanted to hear opinions of you guys on how to deal with this automatic, or subconscious processes that work in our minds and of which we are not even aware when it's necessary to be.

@kuwaynej No, I am just looking for the ideas how not to be as attached to other people's opinions and how to feel comfortable in my own body without needing other people to say something nice about it. Even though I intellectually and logically understand how silly is this kind of thinking, but emotionally I can't control it. I am not even aware of it happening most of the times. But it does happen in most cases, because I feel anxious, depressed, etc.

@pluto To really appreciate that, I think I have to have at least one awakening experience. Without that, I just don't understand what you are saying on an emotional level. Even if I contemplate for some time about my existence in this reality, and some insights come up, I forget that stuff when It's most necessary to be remembered. When I am in the middle of thinking how others perceive me. Thanks for your ideas though @Nahm I tried affirmations for 2 months couple of months ago, but by that time I didn't have that many social interactions, so I thought the issue was fixed. But now, I changed my lifestyle a bit and the more interactions I have with other people, the more I become aware how I suffer for no actual reason Just because I assume lots of things about reality. And the worst part of this is that I can't control it. The best thing that can happen is to become aware in the middle of doing it. But that doesn't happen in most cases. Most of the times I stay unconscious. @kuwaynej Thanks, I'll look into Self-Hypnosis. As for the mindfulness, I meditate everyday for couple of months now, but most of the times I am not aware how I cause my suffering. I remember later, when the anxiety and tension goes and I am alone with myself.

I drew a friend of mine last year, with her favourite painting in the background

Hey guys, So I was reading the Bible and this part confused me a bit. Matthew 10:34-36 "Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. A man’s enemies will be the members of his own household." What do you think he meant by saying this? If we think of him as an enlightened master...

I think this is the one.

I experience that too, and because of that I've watched Leo's Meditation for Beginners video like 10 times In the video, he said that you can't control that. The only thing to control here is the habit, and doing that 20 or how many minutes you're doing. The other thing he said, is that we should count every session as a proper meditation. So, if I am sitting in my chair for 20 minutes with the intention of being more aware, and thinking about sex all the time, should I count that as a proper session? And the answer is yes (if we believe Leo ) So yeah, I've also started my meditation from July, and 95% of the sessions was just a monkey mind. But you should also think about optimizing your sessions. For example, try to meditate at times when you are most alert and awake. Also, don't eat too much before the session. If you feel sleepy, take a nap and meditate afterward, etc.

I've never had a romantic relationship but when I do, how can I differentiate those two? How can I know that I love the person and not my projection of her?

You are getting better and better man Keep it up! Thanks for those ideas.

I don't really know. That's what I'm asking. Projections may change every time. Isn't there something unchangeable in true love?

Block Facebook.com on your PC as well as on your smartphone with antivirus software or with browser extension or with something like that and use Messenger.com for chatting with your friends

I wonder when does @Leo Gura publish this interview and if he has made other ones with different people.

Where in the video did Leo say that he isn't making projections himself?

Exactly! Same here

Does this guy claim to be enlightened?

Leo's videos must be watched from the beginning to the end, or else you'll have all sorts of misinterpretations. If you decide to watch like 15 minutes of 1 hour long video (like Raily did in that video), you should not watch it at all if you ask me.

Hey, To all the programmers of actualized.org forum I am about to start my 3rd year at university, studying computer science. But I am confused right now. I kind of know that I will understand everything as time goes but I would like to hear some advice from experienced developers if there are any on this forum. I understand that programming and coding are two different things: Programmers come up with algorithms, that can be written in pseudocode, not necessary in any particular programming language. And coders are people who translate algorithms into all sorts of programming languages and working applications. That's my understanding. Now, I also think that being a programmer requires a lot more than being a coder, like coming up with abstract functions and so on. When I entered university, I didn't know much about programming, and I didn't know that there was any difference between a coder and a programmer. Now, what confuses me is the following: I am struggling with coming up with algorithms and solving programming problems. I want to develop my skills in algorithms and problem solving, because, as a future programmer, I think that I will be doing that my whole life, but right now, I am not good at it. Do you know any ways to develop my problem-solving skills? Is it enough to find websites like HackerRank and try to solve something every day for the next couple of months or something like that? Do you know any particular way that I can be better at coming up with complex algorithms? And generally, what are your thoughts about becoming a better programmer?

Hey, As I understand, We don't know how Jesus got enlightened. But I am interested, does Christianity have many enlightened fathers, who reached the state of "Jesus"? If it does, then how did they reach enlightenment? Can a man use the bible to reach the highest state of awareness? So, those Saints that we know of today, were most of them enlightened? I am interested if any of them mean the state of no self when they talk about the God.

Thanks a lot for those resources

Yes, I see that all around me. What about materialistic desires? Or sexual desires? There are people in my country (I haven't been elsewhere) who see the God as an "alien" sitting in the heaven somewhere behind the universe or something. They try as hard as they can to obey the rules (and there are so so so many of them) while there can be something totally different that's the core of religions. They don't sit down and question who they are and why do they believe in whatever they believe in and so on... I can't speak from their perspective, but as I see in myself, it backfires me when I repress my feeling and desires. And those priests are like me I guess. Doesn't repressing their feelings and needs cause problems in their lives? I have these questions because everyone around me is trying to obey these religious rules, while nothing changes in reality. I am trying not to fell in that trap, and answers to some of those questions would probably help me.

Leo, do you enjoy watching sports? Generally, what are your thoughts on sports?

@Leo Gura What do you think are the essential habits to install? Other than meditation.

Hey, I've just became aware of the fact that sometimes I feel better than other people. I have noticed that sometimes when I look at people, internal dialogue takes place, according to which: I know more things than him/her, I meditate every day and he/she doesn't even know what meditation is and is good for. I read books about psychology and am trying to practice mindfulness, when he/she doesn't even know that such kind of thing is possible. and so on and on... I am aware how toxic that kind of thinking is. Also, I have just begun this "journey", I didn't even know what meditation was 4 months ago, but that doesn't change anything for my ego. I really want to get rid of this kind of thinking, can you share some insights or techniques or something alike? Or should I trust the idea that awareness alone is curative, and just try to be aware whenever those thoughts arise? (will be quite difficult though)

@Falk Yeah man, I understand, thanks