spiritcore

I see! Maybe my symptoms where a bit diffrent, like I dissociated a lot, wandered into my own fantasy world to cope with external reality. The emotional dysregulation was also huge. Constantly being bored and daydreaming. I was smoking very heavy weed (people pleasing was the root of my addiction too), when I got the diagnosis. Now that im off it and do cognitive behavioral theraphy for people pleasing I want to get re-evaluated in lets say a year. It might as well being a highly sensitive person + stress from people pleasing combined + daily weed use that gave me the attention issues. Lets see. I think thats worth mentioning since how I react to ADHD meds, it might be diffrent for you. I tried Ritalin XR for a bit and this was the worst. Just like Vyvanse but the negative effects ramped up to 10. I tried Attentin (5 hr vyvanse), but it was too much up and down. The medication I have been on most is Vyvanse. The optimal dose for me was 10 mg, im sensitive to stimulants, I can even feel it at 3mg. If I take 50-60 its a full on amphetamine high. The thing is that my mind dosent quiet on it it often just goes faster and i feel like im spinning my wheels in the mud. I often get this slight euphoria when i take it then slight depression when it wears off. And my sleep is totally fucked. Might do it again on exams or something but daily use is not for me. Note that the dose you need is very induvidual. I have friends that take 70mg and describe the same effects as i get on 10mg.

May you be healthy and well Leo

Thanks for sharing, that must not have been easy. Do you use she/her pronouns? If not, why not? Hope im not asking too personal questions

I have been diagnosed with mild/moderate ADHD. Personally the meds dont work for me. First couple of weeks its amazing but I progressively get more and more flat, anti social, loose my intuition, creativity and feel like a shell of myself. And I often get destructive/ suicidal thoughts on them after a while, often when they wear out . Not to scare you, its only my experience. Its worth trying, for some people it really helps. I can relate a lot to what you wrote with anxiety, bulling etc. I am in a process of self discovery and therapy and just found out that I have been a chronic people pleaser my whole life. I grew up in a enviormet with a fearful and controlling parent. My survival strategy was to mold into whatever I thought this parent wanted me to be. So I suppressed my own needs, feelings and desires in order to receive love and praise and avoid punishment. Since this was how I learned to receive love, it became my unconcious way of navigating the world. Never feeling like I am good enough. People pleasers are extremely easy pray for bullies, and boy was I bullied when I started school. Chronic people pleasing can result in a lot of issues that are mistaken for ADHD, like problems relaxing and sleeping, constant worry and overthinking, social anxiety, emotional dysregulation and especially problems sustaining attention. I see now that this could easily be the reason for my diagnosis. The meds also made people pleasing much easier for me because I can better mold into what society wants me to be. This makes total sense with what Gabor Maté talks about. Many people say ADHD is just genetic, but at the same time trauma is often passed down from generation to generation util its broken. Not to say that real ADHD dosent exist, but It can be misdiagnosed. Its often a chicken/egg kind of situation. For me the only way to know is to make the behavioural changes and give myself the love I needed unconditionally. I am in no way saying that you are a people pleaser or that you dont have ADHD. I am simply sharing my experience, take it for that. And all the best on your journey, do not feel guilty for taking meds of it really helps you.

You mean that people use these pronouns out of survival and conformity? My chair uses it/that pronouns now. -------------------------------------------------- I also just learned that gender, sex and pronouns are 3 diffrent things, independent from each other. Before this I thought this was just one thing called "gender". So that made things much more clear to me. Using this system it might turn out that I am actually non-binary myself, using he/him pronouns and male being my sex.

One of the main artists that gave me the idea to even consider this topic was the singer from Bassvictim (I am a big fan), from their 2025 pitchfork interview: "Manow says, “silence, vibrations and ketamine”—adding that some of her songs have been freestyled off K. “Make ketamine great again,” she chirps. “I think everyone should know that if they are struggling artistically, they should take ketamine.” Clateman looks uncomfortable. “I don’t want to endorse that,” she self-corrects. “Maybe I want to endorse that. If some people die as a result of that, so be it.” https://pitchfork.com/features/interview/a-messy-evening-with-bassvictim/ Note that she was doing K in the the beginning of this interview and also has BPD. Drugs can sometimes short-term bring down certain mental barriers, especially when you are struggling with a mental condition. And because of this she seems to think that her creative genius is attributed to drug, and it will work the same way for everyone. As I see it, the creativity was within her all the time, it was not from the drug itself. Ketamine just was a temporary thing that brought the walls down to let her inner creativity come out. But this could come from a lot of diffrent things, meditation, therapy, spending time in nature etc. This is just my interpretation, I also dont know her personally. I am a big fan of her music, and hope she can sustainably find a way to continue doing what she love for the rest of her life, whatever it might be.

Music is my main thing. But I also paint/draw and make most of the artworks for my music myself. I also agree that it seems too risky. As a former weed addict, ketamine is just a bit too similar for me and could easily "replace" it. I used to smoke a lot and make music/art, but the only thing it gave me was confidence in what I was making. Ironically, there is a CLEAR difference of what I make on weed and what I make without it. Without it I have so much more emotional range and I have the cognitive capability to bring my ideas to life when they are fresh. I am still considering doing a expensive legal ketamine therapy for trauma in the future, with medical supervision. Havent fully decided yet, depends if there is any risk. But doing K at home and making music...I think that would make my work worse, but would lead me down a much, much darker path. Thanks for the contemplation tip as well. I will do that:)) Contemplate "What is creativity at its core?" Personally its the closest thing i´ve experienced to weed. But K to me feels like being in a cold laboratory and weed feels like being in a warm garden.

Realistic self portrait of my only DMT experience (very low dose changa)

Thanks! Ive done moderate doses of lsd and mushrooms but I have not have had full blown ego death. Cool to hear about your experiences too. I am trying to expand my horizons, my one experience with a dude was not something I was into, but I am also open to change my mind. Went on a date with a trans girl not long ago and it was nice.

Ok thanks this made it much more clear to me! In my native language we only have one word for "gender", in english it makes so much more sense when you separate the words "gender" and "sex". Myself for example am a very feminine man that mostly like vagina-people, and I dont fit into traditional "gender roles". but I see now that being diffrent "gender" wouldn't automatically mean that deny the sex you have. I got those two mixed up. I am doing a non binary quiz now and one question is: "I feel that my gender does not fit neatly into the categories of man or woman." - How does one feel ones gender? When I was little I was curious if I was a boy or a girl and my mom said boy and I was like "OK I have penis so thats what I thought". And never really questioned it later.

Hi there *whatever pronouns you prefer*:) I meet and see a lot of people that use pronouns like they/them, they/she, he/they, theirs (or even fae or ze). I was getting a piercing the other day and when filling out the info form, the list of pronouns to choose from was very long. I applied for a vipassana retreat the same day and could just choose either male or female. I respect it and its none of my business what concepts people personally identify as. But it is still sometimes a bit hard for me to wrap my mind around, and its a part of me that feels slightly confused by it. I would like to understand this from a higher perspective (like stage yellow or turquoise, I am at stage green, and am in no way enlightened). I have been on dates with "people with vaginas" that to me look like "cute alt girls" and call themselves "queer" and "they/them", and they also just date men. I have guy friends who have switched pronouns to "he/they". When i ask why, they say it is because they feel like they dont fit into traditional "gender norms" or that they are equally masculine and feminine or that they like to switch between being dominant and submissive in the bedroom. I have no problem with calling people what they would like to be called, but I sometimes struggle a bit to understand it. I am also a bit afraid to ask too much, since it seem pretty personal for them. Im just curious and would like to understand it at a deeper level. Maybe i´m just overthinking.

Painting by me, along with my frog electronica

Thanks! I tried TWIM today and loved it. So much easier for me to tap into stillness.

Thank you for the words of caution. Im diagnosed mild/moderate ADD and also struggle with anxiety and depression form time to time. So for me home use could be pretty risky. Still considering doing it therapeutically some time in the future for childhood trauma, with medical supervision in one of the clinics here in Oslo. But lets see. Hope you dont mind me sharing, but I absolutely love your Youtube channel (I assume its you from the link in your bio). I have been watching it for a couple of years, and have also heard you share your experiences with K addiction. It definitely made me be extra cautious. Thanks for being so open and keep on making those awesome videos! Would you say that a regular meditation practice over time can have similar positive effects to ketamine? Like ketamine elevates suffering by shutting down the conceptual mind. Seems like a pretty identical end point to deep meditation.

Hey meditators! Im looking for a meditation practice I can stick to. Here is what I want to get out of it: -Less fear of rejection from other people -More creativity -More focus ( im diagnosed ADD) My practice so far have mostly been the letting go and do nothing technique. Often i just sit there and my mind go brrrbrrr and i´m waiting for the bell. Watching it also but not very focused. Or I get really sleepy and bored and fall below thought, not above it. I have been doing it for 10 years but not daily. I like metta meditation a lot but idk if its enough of a practice by itself. I wanna find something i can stick to.