Michael Paul

@Nickyy We have to talk about free will as if it were an attribute of being human. It would be inaccurate to say that “we are” free will, rather it would be a part of us if it existed. So, how would this part of us come to a place of choosing something? We say “we choose”, but in reality it would be our free will choosing (if we had it), not us. That’s the point I was trying to make.

@Buba I kept doing basic meditation for awhile but eventually you’re in a semi-meditative state 24/7 post-Kundalini awakening.

@Good-boy Reiki does not help significantly (maybe slightly) in my personal experience. I recommend doing basic meditation. @Nickyy Dark night(s) can last for extremely long periods of time.

@Maximus Sounds like kundalini arousal. Bliss states come and go, it’s best not to be attached to them. Some people are determined (meaning, you can’t avoid it) to experience the darkness at certain points in their journey. This is completely normal, don’t be afraid of it. However, the light will return when you continue to meditate and seek higher truths. When it does, you realize it had been there all along, you just couldn’t detect it.

@waking_dreams Did you read my thread called “A warning to those pursuing Kundalini”? In it I address some aspects of kundalini awakening, but I’ll go into a little more detail here. So from what I can tell you’re at least having a legitimate energetic arousal. A total kundalini awakening is different from kundalini arousal. If you had a total awakening, the energy would have entirely left the bottom of the spine, traveled up the spine into the brain and top of the head, and come to rest there permanently. You would feel pressure and energy circulating at the third eye and crown chakras, as well as the sensation of the energy encasing your entire brain. Let me ask you, do you experience this exact phenomenon now? If not, you had a kundalini arousal that will dissipate. This does not mean, however, that you won’t have some symptoms of an actual awakening during arousal. I recommend holding off on psychedelics (even microdosing) and stopping all practice for the time being to allow yourself to integrate the experience. What happened to you is not a bad thing, in fact quite the contrary - it’s a sign of spiritual and consciousness evolution. Feel free to ask more questions here or PM me. I do recommend reading the thread I started a few days ago on kundalini, though.

@Thewritersunion By intense I mean going to the extremes of positive and/or negative. Everything exists on a spectrum, and in the world of spirituality you can have deeply positive moments and deeply negative moments. I’ve experienced the entire spectrum, and the best way to describe it is as intense.

@Red-White-Light Kundalini in and of itself may create transient hallucinatory experiences, but in my experience and talking to various masters around the world, I don’t think it would necessarily precipitate serious mental illness. The two may coincide, but to say Kundalini triggers them is probably inaccurate. @mandyjw Rupert Spira has been on his own path in life. Some people grow through intensity, others through serenity. I think the best way to grow is a combination of the two.

@Red-White-Light Yes, psychosis can occur via kundalini. However, this psychosis is typically different in nature than that of a serious mental illness such as Bipolar I or Schizophrenia. I recommend doing some research on the difference. Kundalini psychosis tends to resolve on its own through grounding techniques and such, whereas mental illness requires a much more physical intervention (medication).

As I described in a post in this same thread, kundalini is a term used to point to a large reservoir of Prana (life force energy) located at the base of the spine. From talking to various masters around the world and studying the topic intensely, I have determined that, yes, I indeed did have a legitimate kundalini awakening. This creates an initial higher state of awareness/consciousness, which can (but may not necessarily) lead to full enlightenment. Prior to this awakening, my identification was strictly with the body and the mind. However, after a tumultuous few years and much growth, I have discovered my true nature as the Self. When you realize the Self, you can have periods of time where you feel completely egoless. I must say that kundalini in and of itself does not necessarily lead to full enlightenment. You have to utilize it in conjunction with other practices and research in order to fully awaken. In other words, kundalini is just one aspect of awakening. I often experience transcendental subjective states of consciousness, some of which feel analogous to being in the best dream you’ve ever had while awake during the day. However, they are often short lived. I still experience the full gamut of human life, including sleep, dreams, and normal human emotions. Your last question made me laugh out loud because of the contrast, thanks for the chuckle ?. In case anyone is wondering, I am 23 years old.

I recommend reading Discovery of the Presence of God: Devotional Nonduality by Dr. David R. Hawkins. He talks about the personal will vs. the Spiritual Will. The subjective state of personal will is an egoic construct in the mind, whereas with enlightenment you realize the omnipresent Self is what actually acts through you.

@OBEler I was doing the Cool Draw and the Big Draw from Mantak Chia’s The Multi-Orgasmic Man. Please, if you’re going to do those practices, for the love of God, follow his instructions and heed his warnings. You run the risk of severely unbalancing your energetic system if you go into this unprepared and recklessly. Don’t do this unless you’re absolutely sure you want to feel energy rise to your brain and remain in your head. It may change you forever.

@Nahm Never thought of it in that light. I’ll have to meditate on that, thanks for the insight.

@Nahm To an extent you’re right, the term Kundalini has a lot of baggage. There’s a ton of misinformation and mythology surrounding it. But there is definitely a reservoir of life force energy located at the base of the spine which can be moved through the spine to the top of the head which can alter your perceptions and consciousness.

@Chumbimba Sounds like Kundalini to me, do you have a sensation of energy moving around in a vortex-like fashion inside of your head as well? Head pressure is not going to go away, as far as I know it’s permanent. Don’t let you discourage you, though, I’m going through the same thing. You get used to it eventually.

@traveler Yes, I can entirely relate to what you’re saying. It’s important to realize that you have to find ways to stay grounded on the planet while your energetic system purges your mind and consciousness from past traumas, etc. Also, for anyone reading this, keep in mind that until Kundalini reaches the brain and top of the head, you’ve only experienced arousal, not total awakening. I recommend Jan Esmann’s website lovebliss.eu for more information about Kundalini and the various phases you’ll go through.

@OBEler I awakened my Kundalini by accident after experiencing severe physical trauma. I was pursuing basic meditation as a way to mitigate pain and depression and then stumbled across tantric practices. Needless to say, doing these practices led to activation of Kundalini and I now have a permanent experience of energy and pressure in the brain and at the top of my head (crown chakra). Bliss occurs often. However, severe negative egoic reactions to the energy occurred for several years after the initial awakening. So, in short, doing tantra with an entirely different intention than awakening Kundalini led to my awakening. To answer your question about regret, I do sometimes and don’t other times. It depends on whether or not I’m feeling energetically positive or negative in the moment. The lows can be extremely painful, but the highs make it all worth it. I wouldn’t chase the highs to avoid the lows, however. @Nahm The dark moments vary in severity. Some are simple ego backlash, others are more like what is colloquially known as the dark night of the soul, where you feel entirely cut off from the Divine.

If we examine ourselves closely, we see that in every moment we always have competing desires. We cannot choose these desires, because in order to choose our desires we would have to desire to have those desires. In other words, desire is inescapable, and it runs our lives. Whichever desire is the strongest at any given moment is what we act on, and we also cannot account for the strength of our desires or which one will ultimately win out. Libertarian free will (radical free will) is incoherent because every effect in our universe is caused, including all of our desires and their strength or weakness. It takes some introspection to realize the causal nature of our universe but when you do this becomes obvious. To have libertarian free will, this will would have to be entirely divorced from causality, including all of our memories and past experiences. We would have to act upon the world in such a way that is logically incoherent, separated from the determination of causes in the world and our own subjective lives. But if we closely examine ourselves in the moment making decisions, we realize that we always satisfy our strongest desire in the moment, and this desire results directly from causes which we are not in control of. YouTuber bitbutter does a great job explaining this perspective in the following videos:

I have a history of pretty severe physical and emotional trauma going back to childhood through my teenage years, including head injuries from playing American football in high school. I’ve done fairly large doses of mushrooms in the past, all of which were very positive spiritual experiences for me. However, since I was diagnosed Bipolar type one several years ago, I have been afraid to try any of the more hardcore psychedelics (other than weed occasionally). I’m not sure what to do. The doctors say I would be playing with fire and could end up in the psych ward, which is something I don’t want. However, I know from experience that psychedelics have been wonderful for me in the past. Has anyone been in a similar situation? What advice could you give me? Thanks.

I’m starting to think that desire may not be the only determining factor of our behavior. But it definitely plays a significant role in our ability to even make decisions in the first place. At the end of the day, this is all just a big word game since the ego self is illusory in the first place. I find it fun to play with these ideas though.

Whoa that was pretty deep. Now we’re getting into interesting territory. I think desire is somewhat obscure because we’re not always aware of our desires in the moment. And onto your point about the subject object relationship, very interesting insight. The two are actually one from my point of view, so this duality collapses upon further inspection. Just my two cents ?

My intention with starting this thread was to give a challenge to many people’s underlying assumptions about the cause of human behavior. We can get caught up about who understands what about what I said. I personally thought that my OP was as concise and clear as it could be about what is colloquially known as “desire”. We don’t have to get into an argument over semantics to have a thought provoking conversation about the topic.

@Serotoninluv I love thinking about desire. It’s a fascinating phenomenon that’s for sure. @Nahm perhaps regress wasn’t the right word. And my definition of desire doesn’t have to be taken as objective. Also what’s your opinion on desire in general? Do you think it runs our lives or that we can exert a non-causal control over our desires?

@Serotoninluv To define desire as our innate pursuit of our wants would probably cover the initial post.

@Nahm It came from the desire to desire the desire. This creates a regress of desire, which ultimately leads to “darkness” which is not in our conscious control. It very well may be all virtually unconscious. No matter how you spin it, this regress of desire continues forever and how can we be responsible for it?