Hello Isabel,
It's called "no contact" for a reason. There is no way that you can change dysfunctional or mentally ill family members. You can only change yourself, build up your own self-esteem and heal the wounded parts of yourself caused by an emotionally abusive childhood. The more you leave open opportunities for family members to continue abusing you, the more you will react and the more they will feed on your reactions getting what they need to feed their own addictions. Codependence is an addiction. Codependents are actually addicted to being hurt by family members. We keep thinking they will change if only we try harder. This is mental illness. We are trying to rationalise the irrational, doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result each time.
I have cut off all contact with emotionally abusive family members because I now know that no matter how much they try to show me they have changed, it is an act to hook me back into their toxic world of emotional supply. I'm therefore abusing myself if I fall back into that pattern. I suggest changing your number.
Also, you will NEVER get emotionally abusive people to own up to their abuse of you or others. They will ALWAYS find a way to blame you or some other external factor. They will never take responsiblity for their actions. They are so damaged and broken they can't. It is also better to thank them rather than forgive them (forgive them for what? Being mentally ill?) They are actually "angels in disguise" for they are poking at the wounded parts of ourselves that we have not dealt with or learned to heal. Buddhists call these people "bad Buddhas". They won't go away or stop doing what they are doing until we have learned that we do not need them in our lives and learn how to heal ourselves from the inside out (as Leo says).
I hope this helps,
Darren
P.S. Also check out Melanie Tonia Evans' YouTube videos on this stuff.
