Nemo28

Okay..here i''ll be recalling and reflecting my memories from the most eraliest i can remember. I really hate to writte stuff, but I want to do this so that i can understand and see my life pattern. It might be a bit chaotic since im not very orderly type of person lol My first memory was when i was small child (idk exactly the age, could be 4 years). Interestingly when i remember myself at that time, i was just as conscious as i am now. I guess in terms of awareness nothing has changed. So i was with my mother, she was taking me for a walk or something i think we were supposed to go by bus somewhere. Anyway i remember i was very thirsty so i asked my mother for something to drink, she had a small bottle of water but there wasnt enough water to satisfy my thirst. I asked for more water, i remember i experienced so much thirst i couldnt tolerate it and started to cry and feel aweful within myself, my mother didnt know what to do, she seemed desperate and angry and told me to be patient, eventually we went to a caffeteria and she bought me an orange juice. So i felt better.

We are already all dead..

Isnt that they both produce the mind dissolving effects which leads to bliss?

Does it have any power to influence the body mind behavioral patterns? Or is it just there to only watch and nothing else? Is there nothing else for me to do than to watch? Does it do anything?

sorry i cant undesrtand :'/ All i know is im a "witnessing"

i dont understand, can you please elaborate

@vibv Seems my effortlessness is being a mess.

@vibv @Nahm After participating in lots of shamanic ceremonies and taking plant medicines i find that there is no end in consciousness expansion, you always come out kinda "wiser" and improved. But i also strongly feel that i want to be self suficient and not depend on these things, but i have fear i might not be as wise as i could be if i stop taking plant medicines.

@Vibroverse @vibv My university says im going to fail the course if i dont put more effort. And yet i know i cant force myself to do "better". Its true im living with less and less effort, but by doing this im failling the course which cost me so much money.

@Vibroverse Can one live without effort?

Yes agree, i have only tried psychadelics. But now i have to get my life together. Once i'll be more financially secure with actually having a job, i can do these experiments, right now im a mess..

@Javfly33 What do you mean pyschadelics would demand more responsibility?

@Javfly33 @BlackMaze Have you tried both?

@Michal__ Yeah if anything it is constructive.. i guess im just too worried what others think of me when i say im doing these things, usually people cant understand and think its a drug..

I have had quite few ayahuasca ceremonies, and im starting to suspect i might be addicted to these experiences, is it okay to be dependant of them to gain wisdom, love, bliss, peace and all the amazing qualities one could have.. Im really confused if i should stop taking medicine plants..(im not sure if i can do that even.. ). What do you think?

@Mason Riggle Thank you! Thats right all i am is being aware! Thank you for reminding lol <3

maybe i still dont get it then, if there is desire to take more.. I know that im immortal and this is dream and all of this is my Love for myself, and all is One..

@billiesimon Leo is good inspiration lol. Im so greatful for this community <3

@LostSoul Gracias amigo! <3

@Michael569 Yeah, it took some time, but the process was very enjoyable ^^

@okulele I actually lived in that cave lol

@Waken Thanks hehe

@Nahm You just substituting word "I am-nees" for "nothing". I think we refer to same feeling.

If i were to ask you how do you know this? you would probably answer ""I dont" So its a knowlede you intuit, you feel it right? Im confused when you say there is neither of these things, i well understand that these are all concepts and experience is what we define it to be, ofc there is no such thing hanging from ceiling called experience, but cmon you know what i mean, im refering to THIS! THIS is ExperiencE. I am aware that intelect has divided life into objects like "me" and "you" this and that. I recognize the undivided I am-ness within me which cant be reduced to anything less. I am is the ultimate knowledge or would you deny evdn that? But understand that im not believing in concept of "I am" I am feeling it deeply and it never changes it is constant, if that is not real that i dont know what is, thats the only thing no ?