Parththakkar12

@kras Is there any reason you'd want to stick around with her apart from sex? Is this an interesting person in general to you? Or, when you're with her, are you looking at your watch, like 'When can we have sex? Why can't she shut up about this shit and just jump into bed?!' If she doesn't really interest you as a person, keep her on the back-burner. Don't take the relationship too seriously. Wait it out with her, no need to drop her just yet. But, look for other options. Don't depend on her, it may really go nowhere. She's never going to 'know you enough' for her to have sex with you if it's not happening immediately. Either the chemistry is there or it isn't. This may miraculously change, you never know, she is attempting to string you along into a 'serious relationship' and see where it goes, but don't hold your hopes too high. I don't think this is anything special. By the way, the whole 'I don't know you enough' is pure bullshit. Women are like past masters in bullshitting! Whose responsibility is it if 'she doesn't know you enough'?! Yours or hers?! They'll blame you for the fact that they aren't using their brains to 'know you enough'. We need to start holding women accountable for this shit and not let it slide anymore.

@Etherial Cat This is what I meant by women not taking responsibility for their rejections. And yes, I meant the definition of the word 'responsibility' exactly as I mentioned it. This is a live demo for you if you're confused!

He is popularly known for his contributions to the French Revolution. Historical figure. From the look of it, he had it all figured out in the 1700s. How the education-system should be, how the political system should be, everything. Whether it's true or not, I think it's worth an actualized episode!

@knakoo This is the whole point of addressing semantics first. This is how much it matters. Now that we're done doing that, maybe we're ready to get back to talking about attraction! This is where that begins. The kind of response you get from her is going to say a lot about her. Approaching is about a lot more than just measuring up to women!

Nope. That's not what landed them in a bad situation. It's having no doubt whatsoever and naively trusting them which landed them in a bad situation. You are free to have your doubts. Just don't be too quick to assume that your doubts are the truth of the situation and you'll be fine! The truth will reveal itself to you.

None of this is my problem as a stranger. You have to give every new individual the benefit of the doubt, you have to trust that human beings are fundamentally well-intentioned creatures. If you can't even have this much faith in humanity, it's not worth it with you.

Listen, it's not worth the effort to 'earn the trust' of someone who doesn't give me the benefit of the doubt to begin with. I'd rather go for someone who does give me the benefit of the doubt.

Oh yeah? And they know me enough to jump to conclusions about me?! If they jump to conclusions about me, that says nothing about me and everything about what they believe about men in general. So yeah, I do know that. I will correct you when you say I don't know that. Fine, you don't know me enough to jump to positive conclusions about me. All good and fine. But you don't know me enough to jump to negative ones either!

@Preety_India

@Preety_India I am doing my best to establish trust. If I have good intentions, that is enough to establish trust! If the other person doesn't see that, too bad!! That makes me not trust them, in fact. What are they doing to earn my trust except for calling me names?! Trusting is also a choice. Yes, you do have to be trustworthy but the other person can still choose to not trust you. And it's not worth the effort if they have all these negative beliefs about men to begin with. Why bother? They're not going to trust you anyways.

Give me some manipulative mind-control tactics that'll 'make them think positive about me'. Ah, I see. Are you taking the attitude of 'I'm going to try to think as negatively about you as I can, you're supposed to 'win me over' despite that. If you mess up, that'll justify my negative beliefs about you and about men in general and if you don't play the game, even more so'. This is a losing game from the male perspective. PUAs may claim to be able to 'mind-control women' but the reality is that you can't. It's unbelievable that even women have this expectation! That's a new level of patriarchy right there. If you decide to think negatively about men, nobody can disprove that for you! Except yourself. No man can disprove that for you. If you think 'all men are the same', they're all the same!

I can have empathy for their experiences themselves but the way they choose to interpret those experiences is not my problem. I will never make it my problem, ever. As far as committing to their well-being is concerned, when they lump me in a negative category, they're already deciding who I am! That's the role they're offering me. 'Sexist male pig, creepy, rapist', etc. Do I want to commit to that role? Of course not! The point being, it becomes impossible to commit to the well-being of someone who thinks negatively of you because they will not trust you. I can do nothing for them with the best of intentions. Therefore, I will defend myself against them, cut my losses and walk away!

I'm sorry but that's not my problem. Nothing personal against them, it's just the reality. Even if I were fully committed to their well-being and cared really deeply about them, this would still be the case. I can have empathy for their experiences themselves but the way they choose to interpret those experiences is not my problem. I will never make it my problem, ever.

That's personal to me. Just take my word for it, it was pure bullshit. I have nothing to prove to you.

I've been falsely accused of 'being inappropriate' by a bunch of socially uncalibrated morons and the other socially uncalibrated morons who were in authority believed these socially uncalibrated morons. When I say 'bullshit', I mean anti-male prejudices. All kinds of generalized nonsense about men. 'Men are narcissists, men are pigs, men are sexists', and the list goes on.

I think it's more like they aren't giving me reasons because then their bullshit will be called. Because it always, always gets called and found out. I think their reasons for rejecting me are pure bullshit and it's a bad decision on their part, it's a big mistake. At least that's how it's been in the past. With the women who rejected me. Some other women didn't reject me and their evaluations of me tended to be more right than of the ones who did reject me! Tell me if you wouldn't feel really pissed-off and mad if this was the truth, but you had a bunch of people telling you to 'improve yourself' to be able to get this person!

@Actualizer777 Do keep in mind that even if you and your girlfriend are on board with it, it's still not enough to have an open relationship. It's not just about you and her anymore. It's also about the third person! How are the both of you going to accommodate for the third person? How is this third person going to accommodate for the two of you? What if this third person triangulates one of you against the other? The politics can get very real. If you incorporate a fourth person, it's not just about the three of you anymore. It's also about the fourth person! How are the three of you going to accommodate for the fourth person? How is the fourth person going to accommodate for the three of you? All three individuals? In an ideal world, everything would go smoothly. But, having had a relatively secure relationship for 7 years, you'd know better than me how hard it is to make relationships work. If you don't, your relationship is a dream relationship in which you've never really faced any struggles... yet. Keep it going until it lasts!

I don't know, man. I'm not even thinking about attraction. I'm working on basic communication and semantics right here! Human communication is much harder than rocket-science. Much more complicated!

@Actualizer777 Have you considered the ramifications of the desires of the third person who enters it? It's hard enough to resolve conflicts between two people. Do you have a strategy to resolve them with more people? Do keep in mind that the more people come into the equation, the more unstable the equilibrium of your relationship becomes and it won't be long before it'll be a powder-keg waiting to explode. Conflict-resolution is the real work of your relationships. The better you're able to handle conflicts, the more secure and stable your relationships are. If the conflicts don't get resolved, your relationship is a dead relationship. It's just a matter of time! Put very heavy emphasis on conflict-resolution. Do not mess around with it, it's very important! Take it very seriously. I'd suggest you do it with your one partner first, get good at making it work with her specifically, before you bring in more people and consider doing it with them! Your strategy to resolve conflicts will be unique to your relationship, so do keep in mind that the same strategies may not work with other people. Whether you get into an open relationship, or you break off this one and go dating around.

It's never been true for me. I've been very self-honest when asking myself whether it was about me or not, it never was about me.

No, I would not demand an explanation because I'm not entitled to one. Of course, I get that! It's just that if I don't get one, that's rather hostile, if you look at it from my perspective. I know I'm not allowed to have that opinion but this is how I actually feel about it. I have a lot of respect for women who reject me kindly, with an explanation that isn't about me. That's what I mean when I talk about taking responsibility! If the reason is personal to her, my attitude would shift to caring more about her.

@Actualizer777 Is she happy with the relationship? Or does she feel the same way, that she wants to sample the buffet? If she feels the same way, then you can have an open relationship and that would be that. But, if she doesn't feel the same way, that's not the best sign for the long-term prospects of your relationship working out. Alarm-bells should be going off for you in that situation! In such a situation, you could 'take a break' from your relationship for a few months, date around and see where that takes you! That would clear your mind about the whole situation because you will have explored monogamy and the buffet in a broader sense.

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You have a bad mindset, you have a bad personality. I don't buy the whole 'bad personality' thing because there are plenty of guys with horrible personalities who have relationships!

If all I wanted was sex/an outcome of some sort, then you'd be right. Rejection would be the only answer I would need. But, as someone who wants to grow the relationship or rather, as someone who prioritizes the truth and growth over the result/outcome, the why-question does become important! If I get some crap like 'I'm rejecting you for this, that and the other thing that's wrong with you', what does that tell me about the other person? Come on, I want to hear it from you. Well, there we go again! Proving my point. My problem is not with the rejections themselves. My problem is with the bullshit narratives behind them! The truth gets suppressed as a result of this. Which is pretty serious.