Parththakkar12

@Nickyy Okay. I have questions about what you're saying. 1. Say you're stuck in victim mentality. What would you prefer, to blame yourself or to blame what you perceive yourself to be a victim of? 2. Say you're expressing feelings of powerlessness relative to something. Is that vulnerability or victim mentality? What would your first reaction be to someone doing that? 3. If someone's hostility is making you feel threatened, isn't that you being a victim to their victim mentality (and blaming them for it)? I understand that there is value in calling it out, provided that you aren't demonizing them for it. Also, once someone admits to being stuck in victim mentality, the response of everyone else is 'Just stop being a victim and all your problems will be solved!!' which is true in theory, but it can be invalidating. Imagine saying that to someone who just lost a loved one/is going through a break-up. I'm not saying that some good-old calling out is never appropriate. I do it when someone goes into excuse-giving mode, i.e. takes their victim mentality as a given. What I am asking for, is for people to not be hypocrites when doing the calling-out. That can turn into a blame-game very quickly and it's abusive when potentially you're trying to be vulnerable. Does this make sense?

Another thing I just realized about this : When people who feel disempowered and victimized don't trust the empowered people to take care of them, that's not a good sign! It leads to creation of an 'us vs them' mob mentality and echo-chamber type effects. Sound familiar? Yes I am referring to the incel community and why they turn a blind ear to constructive advice, and why they demonize who they perceive to be 'empowered people in the dating scene' so to speak. (Btw, parallels can be drawn in situations like poor people demonizing the rich, etc) We're a social species and we need to take care of each other. If people who feel disempowered feel like the mainstream society is trustworthy (within reasonable measure) on an emotional level, they'll be willing to be vulnerable about how they really feel instead of turning it into a weapon. Once that happens, whether they make progress or not (that's dependent on how empowered they feel), one thing is certain, that we won't see mass shootings on these lines anymore!

Hey everyone, I have a bit of a predicament when I think about the kind of relationship I want. I want a relationship where I'm freely able to express myself to my partner and we're committed to each other's well being. Now, people keep saying that 'You shouldn't be a victim, just be confident bro! Pull yourself up by the bootstraps, work hard, man harder, fix yourself enough and one day, you'll succeed in getting laid / finding a partner (whether the relationship works or not is another matter entirely!).' That's like a Spiral Dynamics Stage Orange way of looking at Dating. However, I do have inner child aspects of myself which feel like a victim and which need to be seen, accepted and nurtured in a primary relationship. That's one important aspect of having an authentic relationship. Also, if you adopt the attitude towards yourself of fixing yourself, that's kinda a self-hating approach, isn't it? People talk about self-love, especially in the context of attracting relationships. Now, I'm not saying that being a victim is particularly helpful, nor am I advocating such an approach. But, as a self-actualization community, why do we hate and bully victims more? Do we really think it'll help them? Is it an attitude you'd take towards yourself? Also, say you suppress the parts of you which feel like a victim as hard as you possibly can. You finally enter a relationship, and then these aspects of you start to show themselves. What then? I'm not just pointing to a problem here. I have a solution. Which is, to see complainers and victims as your children (externally and internally) and treat them as such. This requires a profound level of empowerment on our part as members of a self-actualization community.

Superwoman!!