Hello everyone,
with the words of this post I would love to share with you my unique perspective on reality - commenting and criticism is very welcome. So, let's begin.
I have just watched year 2017 video from Leo on paranormal and psychic stuff. And I have come to realise that perhaps a certain perspective fragment is missing in Leo's research, since he is a healthy individual with no mental illness as far as I know. Maybe I am deluded in the upcoming sentences, you as the reader can decide that for yourself.
So far I have experienced one psychotic episode - in the year 2017. I am currently still taking antipsychotic medication (Quetiapin) in "minimal" doses. My current situation is stabilised. Enough details, let's get to the suicide invoking horror stuff you guys might want to read about - the psychotic episode:
Now as I reflect on it, I had experienced total loss of control - my thought process was totally f*cked since the serotine and I believe even dopamine levels in my brain went through the roof. As far as my feelings tell me I was following this deluded train of thought and behaved in very random ways. Doing pseudorandomly seeming stuff that was based on my subconscious desires and unmet needs (and more) - buying weird stuff, writing and drawing word salad and even saying some paranoid nonsense of being followed and spied on. My memory of this episode is highly fragmented.
Words I was using WERE NO PROOF THAT WHAT I TOLD AND WRITTEN THAT I PERCEIVED WAS HAPPENING WAS REALLY HAPPENING... Rather than that, I was sorta this monkey that writes random stuff on computer and in infinite amount of time writes this way everything true (and also false) there is to be written. This random typing machine monkey doesn't actually write about the monkey's true perceptions of reality. Just because a monkey writes that it is spied on doesn't mean that the monkey sees physical spies as real. Some schizophreniacs may definitely experience some hallucinated stuff as real but this is not always the case. It wasn't mine. I just believed and written some nonsensical stuff - AND I have no memory of actually hallucinating this belief as "REAL OBJECT" like a person taking drugs might. No houses changing shape or dragons, zero of this.
With this hopefully not too confusing metaphor I attempt to decrease the value of statements about reality from large number of schizophreniacs. (or other generally speaking deluded people)
A little bit about me: I have been holding to the materialistic paradigm until I lost my mind, and embraced nondualism as valid (even if just partially, still not fully- because I see a lot of pitfall delusions in nondualism) this very month (5.2019).
With the following I also attempt to explain certain delusion phenomena happening inside people's brains in a materialistic fashion.
My opinion: A person can be in such state of mind that this person believes that some insight and perception is entirely true and believes in great amount of evidence that seemingly supports it and is still deluded. The vast majority of people are so deluded, that what they are saying has no value whatsoever. Even people without mental illnesses. Thus I suggest that as much as radical open-mindedness is healthier than stubborn close mindedness, there are still certain fallacies in the perception of reality of an open approach - these fallacies are based on not appreciating the statistical and random nature of reality enough.
=> THE KERNEL OF TRUTH IS SMALLER THAN YOU THINK.
I posted today on YouTube about what I believe about healing abilities:
Quote:"I personally see healing as psychological phenomena, working thanks to great understanding of emotions and intuition that grand the healer the power to change how the person that is being healed feels. Since a lot of suffering is happening in the minds of people. Backache might suddenly disappear, light depression and stuff like that. In this I see the kernel of truth. And it would be shame to underestimate the value of such healing in real life.
On the other hand, the idea that certain "physical disease" suddenly goes away with a hand gesture and few words sounds very silly to me. As much as the reality is a hallucination, it still follows certain mostly unknown weird partially statistical "physical laws" ... These are my two cents here. May the Force be with you all :)"
Adding:
Schizophrenia as such is not something that goes away with a hand gesture for example. It never goes away. Schizophreniacs that say are healed are purely in the remission state and are deluded. This time not because of high neurotransmitter levels, but because they lie to themselves and others as a survival coping mechanism.
A schizophreniac that has a job, a family, good relationships, all after years of rehabilitation, is still a schizophreniac. The so called positive symptoms of the illness are likely gone, thanks to medication and time having passed but the negative symptoms linger.
And it is these negative symptoms like broken motivational system that may over time decrease a bit, but never truly go away. The life sucks every day.... But if you feel horror every day for years, you don't even remember how you felt before the first psychotic episode. It becomes the norm. Living hell. This hell is very very real - I experience this every day.
Right now I am looking forward a bit to the day I stop taking antipsychotic medication and "deblock" my mind. Allow my neurotransmitters freedom again. Many schizophreniacs never ever get to experience this in a long term way, because they would get another psychotic episode as a result. I know schizophreniacs that got psychotic episodes even though they took more antipsychotics than I currently do. Their brains are even more fucked up than mine.
So, as much as schizophrenia is extremely hard to measure on scientific devices - it is very real - I have a very distorted perception of reality since I have this feeling pretty much all the time that is extremely weird and hellish, I can't describe it to anyone. I may have been a walking zombie living in the world of concepts before my first psychotic episode (2017) but at least I was sorta healthy.
I hope this feeling goes away once I don't have any meds but I don't believe it is like that. Even though the side effects of antipsychotics are harsh, I don't believe they are responsible for this weird feeling, just for the blocked mind feeling I have all the time and tension in the legs.
I am speculating here a bit of course, since I have not stopped taking the meds yet... I guess time will tell.
Looking forward to your responses. Feel free to ask me questions and criticise.
May the Force be with you :-) :-)
