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About tezk

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  • Birthday 11/22/2000

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  1. Jerking off on the daily, and having ejaculatory sex completely fucked up my mind. It wasn't until I gave my body a good 90 day break from ejaculation, that my mind was then able to finally calm down. I literally could not hear the peace prior to this abstinence phase. I then had to work through emotional issues that were forged as a result of going through that unconscious phase of life. It's all about balance rather than extreme abstinence in my opinion. People need to be mindful of how their body and mind responds to ejaculation and the frequency of ejaculation. For me personally, once every two weeks seems to be safe. Otherwise if I exceed this limit, my energy and curiosity for life begins degrading. If your intention is to abstain for a period of time, I also recommend to simply allow yourself to feel and be with any sexual energy that arises and maintain the intention to not give in (as per your goal), rather then trying to neurotically force or remove sexual thoughts out of your awareness.
  2. I haven't tried Sadghuru's techniques personally, however if you're wanting to get into yoga, I highly recommend the Kriya Yoga Leo recommended in his video "The Importance of Real Yoga". I've been doing Kriya Yoga for a month now, and it has been showing very promising results. If you haven't heard already, a few people around here believe Sadghuru's techniques are watered down, so be cautious of this. The sources to learn Kriya from which Leo shares on his booklist are supposedly from Lahiri himself, one of the original masters of Kriya Yoga.
  3. Absolutely. I had been doing meditation for about 2 years. I tried Goenka Vipassana, Shinzen Young noting, loving kind-ness (metta), a little bit of Do Nothing, a little bit of strong determination sitting. I did The Mind Illuminated for a solid 6-8 months (2 hours or so a day). It's still early days but Kriya Yoga has been showing some very positive signs (for me personally), that I just didn't get that with regular meditation. As Leo said, I think the meditation is too "mental" orientated whereas Kriya brings in the physical body which is what I am liking.
  4. Thanks for your response! The question is though, how do you know which chakras are blocked or not? Is this simply understood by whether the feeling/prana in and around that chakra is present? And to balance each chakra, would you say om japa (chanting om in each chakra posteriorly from root to the medula) is sufficient? The reason I say om japa is because I've heard that is a tool used to clean out each chakra.
  5. Ever since starting Kriya and having a few "energetic experiences", specifically during Kriya Pranayama, my mind has stilled quite significantly around other people. Usually my mind is absolutely chaotic and neurotic around others - it compulsively judges myself and others, creates a lot of fear etc. Since these "energetic experiences" a stillness has been present ever since. I am very grateful for this opportunity but I am also cautious at the same time of not becoming too attached because I know something like this may be temporary. I am also a lot more aware of my spine. It almost feels like I am a puppet on a string, where the string is my spine which feels it has been cemented into the present moment. My question is: why has this happened, was there a particular chakra that was blocked that Kriya has opened? And is there a certain chakra I should be focusing on during om japa for example to reinforce this experience? Any insight into this experience would be very helpful, thanks guys!
  6. Yesterday I had some very interesting experiences while high. I smoked some weed with a few friends and as part of my practice, told myself to be "as aware as possible" of the transition from sober to high. Suffice to say it was interesting. I got up and immediately felt my body become a lot more energised, aware of it's physical presence a lot more prior to smoking. I then began jerking my body to experience the transient nature of sensations, saying to myself "become as aware as I possibly can", noting the transient nature of the body. I then just let my attention move throughout my experience organically, noting anicca anicca anicca, changing changing changing. It was at this point that I realised I was becoming more conscious, and told my friends that I am experiencing something profound, just let me be and do not worry. I then went back and did the same for the visual thoughts arising and passing. Some part of me actually noted the visual thoughts automatically - I've been doing noting, particularly "see in" for mental images in my practice for a quite some time now and it's probably begun to build momentum. As I was becoming aware of the transient nature of who I think and feel I am, I began self-inquiring, quite naturally. Who am I if the sensations are constantly changing? Who am I if the thought process is transient, up arises one visual thought, and then a new thought arises and takes over that one. Then suddenly, I felt like I had cracked open the limited identity that ties me into this experience of the "world", the world of form. It’s like I am tied up into this current consciousness (the ‘reality’ of living as a human being’), as I identify with human form. And as soon as I broke free from that illusion, by looking closer at reality, my consciousness was liberated from “the world”. A spiritual force took over my body and wanted to keep realising, wanted to keep seeing, how I am not my thoughts or sensations as they are arising and passing away - it did this by jerking and moving my body around like an animal all the while "doubling up" on the awareness of how the form that constitutes my human experience - visual thoughts and sensations - are arising and passing away, transient. This process felt so good, like I was experiencing a whole body orgasm of sensations. From this point I felt like I had left my body, experiencing intense love in the process, for all the sensations and feelings occurring in that moment. I felt like I had broken free. If you had of looked at my body from a 3rd person point of view, you would of thought this guy is going crazy and psychotic jerking around in the grass (I just let my body go to the ground and allowed it to do its thing). My body basically completely took over in a very raw animalistic way. The "world" that I usually take as reality, at this point vanished into from what I can only try to understand, into a higher conscious experience of the present moment. I remember realising this was the purpose of life. To become more conscious. For consciousness to wake up, lost in it's own dream, and that there are deeper levels of experience and love waiting within. It felt like I had just cracked the first level. I couldn't believe it, I was so god damn happy and felt a massive relief - this was the first taste of what is possible - and a confirmation that this pursuit of consciousness and spirituality is indeed a path. I remember realising this is exactly where consciousness, creativity, love, joy, intuition come from. When you access these higher dimensions of consciousness, they're inherently full of those qualities. After this initial "ascension" I came back to my body, trying to figure out how to "cause" that again. I remember my consciousness swinging into unconsciousness, thought stories, fear of not accessing that again, craving for that experience, and then into actual cold hard awareness which would then perpetuate the experience again. While going through this entire experience, I felt very calm, clear, and grounded. My friends then went inside (we were out smoking by a campfire). So I went and sat in front of the fire by myself. I shut my eyes and told myself "become as conscious as I possibly can". I then became extremely aware of the black screen (by shutting the eyes), and an orange pattern (from the light of the fire I assume). I then began to use my consciousness like a telescope, zooming in and out of the orange pattern present on the black screen. I could literally zoom in and out at will. As i zoomed in, the orange visuals transformed into creative fractals. When I zoomed out, I could see the black screen with very fine orange dots. 20 mosquitoes at this point had probably bitten my legs but I didn't care because what I was experiencing was so profound. The sensations in my legs were merely all just apart of this infinite stream. I thought to myself, after this very clear experience of zooming in and out, this is exactly what Leo is referring to when he talks about consciousness being a volume notch that can be turned up or down. I then went inside and laid down on my bed sideways. I still had a tonne of energy from these experiences. It was about 4 am at this point. I intended for the same thing. "Become as conscious as I possibly can". This is where it gets even weirder. When I intended to "become as conscious as I can", it's like an intuitive-knowing part of me knows what to do to become conscious. When I intended this, over and over again, my body began to fill with energy (my awareness just absorbed into the body). My body begun jerking and twitching again on its own like earlier. This time however my ass muscles began contracting by themselves in a very consistent spaced out fashion, almost like a conveyor belt moving one product at a time, moving this elixer of energy and pumping it up my spine. I distinctively felt the lower and upper back chakras. They felt like massive orbs of energy. They felt a lot "bigger" then I conceptually imagined them to be - I haven't read too much about chakras and all that yoga stuff, but I knew this was clearly some kind of yoga/kundalini phenomena. Throughout this process, I was basically bouncing from consciousness to unconsciousness lost in stories - the unconsciousness was perpetuated by fear of losing the experience (when I went unconscious, these kundilini/yoga phenomena stopped). I then learnt that as long as I intended to "become as conscious as possible" again and again and again, not missing a beat, it would push me back into this experience with the energy going up my spine. At one point, my body was jerking so violently I had to put a conscious control so as to not do any damage to my neck. The entire time throughout this experience I felt very grounded and calm. I realised that you cannot access these states in anxiety etc as your neurosis are the times when you're literally the most unconscious - identified with thought stories and phenomena which is ultimately ephermal. I also realised that all I need to do is to be conscious moment by moment. On a more "meta" level exactly what Leo says. Stop getting pulled into thought stories and taking the dream contents so literally (you're losing consciousness) and go more meta - whats happening right now as I am entertaining this story - oh, i'm experiencing visual thought, auditory thought, I am outside etc. Notice where you are at all times of the day. Notice what you're doing. Notice when experiences have ceased - note them with 'gone', and the memory of it 'see in'. Become aware of when you're in thought. Become aware of when your emotions change from happy to sad, peaceful to agitated, etc. What has worked very effectively for me, and I encourage you to try it, is to just have the intention right now "to be as conscious as I possibly can" and repeatedly uphold this intention moment by moment throughout your day. When you become conscious, you go beyond the reality of form, the world you take as “reality”. And I can understand that attachments to this state of consciousness (e.g. a beautiful relationship with something) might result in emotional hurt as you realise this person is just a figment of God imagination and a reflection of how conscious you are… the more conscious you are, the world of form seems to disappear. While this experience was still very fresh, I imagined what it must be like being a “stream enterer” or at least higher states of consciousness integrated into sober reality - what this would feel like. You’ve trained your consciousness to become SO AWARE of reality, moment by moment, the arising and passing away of phenomena is so clear and unseeable, the transient nature of thought and sensation is too glaringly obvious. Your consciousness is so soaked into sensory experience. You're in a stream oh phenomena without identifying with anything. How satisfying and fulfilling this must be. While writing this, my feelings and mind are getting slightly frustrated attempting to explain what happened last night in a way that makes sense. Wisdom bits: Keep going… there is certainly a whole new world within you that is worth exploring. You will be thanking yourself for once you’ve achieved these higher states of consciousness more permanently, the fruit will be worth the effort 100000x over. Yooohoooo. Techniques I've been practicing: The Mind Illuminated (Stage 4-5)/ concentration Awareness throughout the day. Sometimes with noting, especially of thoughts. Sometimes just intuitively - "be as aware as I possibly can". Awareness of feelings. Awareness of thoughts. Contemplating transient nature of phenomena and being aware of this. All of reality is your meditation object. Basic self inquiry - who am I if the body and thoughts are transient? I just begun a Kriya Yoga practice a couple of days ago.
  7. This is an interesting idea that I am eager to contemplate more and hear what you guys think. This goes hand in hand with the anti seeking advice you often hear from some spiritual circles. On the one hand, desire to get somewhere else apart from this moment does indeed cause suffering, and there are obviously varying degrees of this. But on the other hand, if I didn’t have the ambition to consciously develop my meditation habit, where constant maintenance of vision and ambition were necessary to sit consistently everyday for 1-2 hours (for 6 months now), I wouldn’t now be enjoying the fruit of my meditation practice. I have also spoken to many people claiming “seeking is bad” “desire is bad” especially at Goenka retreats. When I ask them what their meditation is like, (that is if they even have an established consistent practice. I once met someone who basically demonized my perspective under “seeking is bad” that the cultivation of vision is necessary to develop a strong meditation habit, they later on admitted that they struggle with sitting daily), they more often than not respond with something like “yeah man the mind is crazy, stuck in monkey mind the entire sit, but I just be’d with it rather than trying to get somewhere”. One dude I met has been meditating for over 10 years, attended well over 9 or so Goenka retreats and he still talks about crazy monkey mind in his sits - he’s super big on the whole “going nowhere, being with what is happening”. I think it’s a delicate balancing act. Maintain equanimity, being with what is happening, yes, but also hold conscious, detached to the best of your ability, intention to develop certain skills in meditation, to sail in a particular direction according to the paths, and you will get there quicker if you’re more equanimous rather than compulsively striving. Ideally you would want some daily activity or passion where you abide in a timeless space free from going anywhere and just enjoying the moment. And then compliment this with personal development habits which will transform your life down the line - and these will most likely require the cultivation of vision week in week out. I guess there is a lot of nuance here. Being mindful moment by moment, connecting to life itself moment by moment, but also cultivating the required vision to develop positive habits which will transform your life down the line.
  8. Keep developing my consciousness and purifying my mind through meditation practice (The Mind Illuminated) and contemplation (studying epistemology and questioning). I also have a Holotropic breathwork session coming up in a few days time so that will be interesting. Finding a creative process to express my life purpose.
  9. Because for a lot of people, including myself, it has profound effects on their state of consciousness compared to when you frequently blow your load. For others, clearly, it does not result in the same effect. It’s as simple as that. In my experience, there is a significant increase in overall anxiety, lack of clarity, lack of motivation, and fatigue when I ejaculate. You need to find out for yourself if it effects your state of consciousness. If it does, then you drop or reduce it. If it doesn’t, then feel free to do whatever you wish. If you do undertake semen retention, you never want to “resist” or try to squash down the urge out of your experience. That’s silly because it’s not really in your control ultimately - which is probably what Leo was talking about when saying it’s pointless to resist it. What I do is I simply just be with the sexual energy and it passes on its own accord. I also practice Karezza, non orgasmic sex, so I don’t completely abstain from sexual activity.
  10. Did you experience any strong emotional purifications?
  11. Okay. Thank you but that is not what I am after having created this thread. I am aware having attended and served Vipassana retreats 🤣. They’re great but not what I am after right now.
  12. Am I allowed to bump a thread after 24 hours? (Genuine question). Forgive me for being 30 minutes too early on that first bump. I am aware of this. The point of this thread is to find a local partner to make the opportunity of a retreat more feasible, hence why I spoke about combining resources.