Codrina

I can't help with that. I don't know about dmt, as for ayahuasca, I think it's really important with whom and in what circumstances you do it. A horrible trip is a trip with much insight. What have you learned from it?

Yes, confusion is a good place to be. It will pass. Give it time. Don't stop meditating, though. As for the powerless in your legs, I think it's something we are all going through now.

I like the sound of that. Thank you.

Why do you say you are stuck in low consciousness? How do perceive this 'low consciousness' to be and how do you see it when it's raised?

So, looking now into masculine and feminine energies I found this. ' When the masculine energy feels as if it is not good enough, when it is in fear, when it has been told it will never succeed, it is not worth anything, and it has no value, it is off balance. To compensate, the masculine energy may demonstrate a false strength. It kind of puffs itself up and says, “I have these great ideas and these big dreams; I want to lead and create this. I know what I’m doing. Follow me.” If you would in your mind draw a straight line and then make an angled line moving off of that first line. (See the diagram at right.) The masculine energy leads; “Come with me. I know. I have this great dream. I am going to build this wonderful house for you in Toronto, Canada.” And the feminine energy says, “Oh, this is so wonderful. I also want a big house in Toronto.” The masculine and feminine start out together at the first point of the line and the masculine goes forth and the feminine, because feminine has curves and swirls, begins to create. She selects new paint, new drapes, and designs the landscaping. She is thrilled and satisfied that she will get to create her nest. The masculine continues forward and then his habits of fear and self-doubt pop up. The masculine hesitates and becomes afraid of failing. “I don’t know what to do. Because I am told that I am hopeless. I am not going to succeed. I am not worth anything,” and the masculine doubts his ability and stops moving forward on building the big house. So the masculine has built 80% of the new home. He has traveled 80% down that blue line then says, “No, I think we should move to a tropical climate and it will be much nicer and we can have a house on the beach in Hawaii. I know what is best. Follow me to Hawaii.” ' I can see his phenomena within me. I will have a big dream, follow it through 80%, then for one reason or another, I will change it and start from scratch again.

That's ok. It can only kill me. I do believe in healing from within. in the end, there is no such thing as solid matter. I also do not believe in coincidences. I am logically/analytically minded, but also impulsive. I can see the masculinity in me more than in other women. But at the same time, that's what kept me going. The ability to push in tough situations, to be able to hope and look for solutions in the worst. To keep going, not matter what. To question everything and draw my own conclusions. That is the masculine side of things, right? Ambition, resilience, rationality. I guess I am more masculine. Seeing that feminine energy is about being, acceptance and receiving. I didn't stop much in my way. I always went for something. Always a goal in sight, always striving for better. I guess this is what society pushes us to. Even this site. Don't be pleased with who you are now.Who you think you are is false. You need to work your ass off to find out who you are. Strive for better. Improve. Do.

I don't know. When I dance, I express the music , the way I perceive it, through body, arms, legs. When I paint, I just try to bring what I see to life. And sometimes it comes as I see it, other times,it will evolve into something different as I paint. In the end, dancing and creating always brought me joy

Ok, I can see that. But why does it seem more dull - face? And if it is the case of masculinity being more active, how do I compensate? Take note that I have been dancing, drawing, painting, walking in nature all my life. Clearly not enough ?

Maidstone, UK

Hello. I've had a most amazing meditation this morning. I've kinda been meditating since I was a child, one way or another: karate, drowning, dancing, long walks in nature... I have started a traditional meditating routine for the last 6 months. I used to do yoga every morning for 30-60 min (Sadhguru's exercises) and for the last couple of weeks,just sit crossed legged and used different mudras, while observing my thoughts and returning to my body when I got lost in them. My meditating time goes from 30 min to an hour, depending on how much time I have that morning. Today I thought I would try this self inquiry Leo is talking about, set my alarm for 45 min. So I started asking 'Am I this body? No. Am I this hand? No. Am I this thoughts? No. ' I went through this questions a few times and then I heard my neighbors outside talking, so I asked 'Am I them? No.' (because I have been living for the last 8 years believing I am everything). And then the question 'Well, if I am not my body, not my thoughts, not them, what's left?' and 'Nothing' came as an answer. That moment I felt a subtle vibration throughout my body. My whole body became so light, like I was floating in space. I laughed inside. It lasted a few seconds and then my body started to feel heavy again. It was like a sort of disappearing for a while.

@zeroISinfinity Didn't say you were

As a system, we can easily grow veggies in western societies. I have this vision of cities coming together as communities and growing veggies in city parks. Having permaculture parks. I just get tired of seeing resources invested in lawns and pretty flowers. Does anybody else see that? Getting the close community and the society outcasts to take care of the veggie gardens of the cities...spreading the crops throughout the community. I feel that it would give a lot of homeless people purpose and bring people together at the same time

'I still do not understand why I am doing this really. Utter and complete destruction of yourself.' @zeroISinfinity What self? There is no destruction. There is you. In your form and other forms. Enjoy this form, learn as much as you can from it and ,please, do not waste it. Be kind, be angry, be whatever the situation asks for. And be happy you get to be something rather than nothing

So, by this petition, should I understand that Leo has never smoked weed? Weed helped me transition from orange to green. At least as far as I have inquired into this measuring means. I have stumbled upon this community a couple of weeks ago, and it is the first time i hear about spiral dynamics. By the traits of each stage I assume I am a young yellow. I think this last year was my transition to yellow, so still a newbie here. Weed came into my life when I was 17. Long time ago. Helped me A LOT. I used to smoke almost every day, in the evenings. I have given it up for more than a year now because I just felt like it was getting in the way of my growth. I felt like it was dumbing me down. As for psychedelics, I have done mushrooms twice. First time was an interesting sensorial experience , the second time I remember watching my hand and realizing that I don't exist. It was a time ,in young age, when I still imagined my thought self as something that will go on existing beyond death. That was the moment I realized that is not true. I cried for a while. Looking forward for an ayahuasca retreat.

I have this idea in my head from listening to many people talk about physics and spirituality. Someone said that everything that will happen has already happened. Time is an illusion, all existence is but an instant. Like a huge, complex painting. I like to think of human life like being in different places in one instance, and not being aware of all of them at the same time. Maybe past and future thoughts are glimpses we perceive from those other places to which we extend. There was a channeler who said we are interdimensional beings. We move from one dimension to another every moment; that is how reality works, we are just not aware of it. 'You're doing it now. You're doing it now. You're doing it now.' stuck in my mind. I like that idea I had this strange feeling riding the bus to work one day, that we live the same day, over and over again, we just make different choices. Maybe it's the same moment, not the same day

Hello everybody. Really thrilled to stumble upon you (you gotta love how the Universe works). I am a 31 year old woman. I don't think I act like one. I work as a bartender in England, was born in Transylvania, left my home country 4 years ago, lived in Spain and Portugal, like to think as myself as an artist( ahomemadeofdreams.wordpress.com -you can see my work there although I have abandoned that website). I loved creating ever since I can remember. I always drew, but I also did professional sports. I have championships won in karate and skydiving. I loved dancing, still do. I love climbing mountains, taking photos, reading philosophy, painting, gardening, meditating, I even love bar-tending, most of the time. Growing up I was good at everything (even in school, olympic in math, languages, honours degree) I still like to think of myself as an artist and I have a plan to make it happen (hopefully this time it will work - if I can't be an artist in England, then where?) but I still have to be a bartender for a couple more months. I am struggling with my sugar addiction. I have been a pescatarian for the last 8 years, but always loved chocolate. No weight issues, but pretty sure some internal ones. My working days (5 a week) go like this: wake up 8:30, meditation, 9:30 cold shower, tea, 10:30 walk the dog, 11:15 bus to work, breakfast on the bus (avocado with either green veggies or salad, boiled egg, maybe smoked salmon), 12:00 start work, 16:30 lunch at work( usually salad and hummus) and then work some more. I will finish work at 22:00, 23:00 or 00:00. I work in a big, fancy restaurant and pub. My job is almost a sport, and I am actually bored on quiet days when there is no running around to do. I scooter home for 45 minutes, walk my dog, then do it all over again. On most of my days off I will write boards for the company pubs - I am an artist,so I write beautiful boards (I get extra money for that, though I feel like it's not worth it). In my time at work I will snack on nuts (raw,unsalted,mixed nuts), will have cream coffees and if I feel like I've given too much that day I will go for biscotties, which are basically white flour,sugar and cocoa. I am aware of all rational, I have been doing this job for a year and a half now. I was off all sugar,even alcohol for about 8 months, then February came and something snapped. I would like to hear any suggestions to get me going through another couple of months. I am aware that I have to deal with my zero social life, as I have no friends (not because I could not make any, just because there are none around sharing my interests)

Yes, I know that. Sugar came back into my life after a plan I had failed. So I had to stick with this job for longer then I had envisioned. I still have to do it for, hopefully, just 2 more months. I need a budget to pay my rent and my food while I stay and paint and create; I do enjoy the job most of the time, that is because I love people and being active, but I have a stack of things I need to show the world and it is getting tougher not to bring them into being. I guess there are still some things I need to learn before being ready to present them. As for what it is replacing, I think that is a good question to meditate on. I know I use it as a reward for pushing through a situation I am not happy with. Which is not a good idea, since it does no good, but damage. It is definitely not a reward

@montecristo wow. Never heard that one before. And I have watched a lot of lectures on nutrition and health issues. I will give it a try. Thank you very much. As for the not being able to turn off my fight or flight response on a subtle level, is that a consequence of childhood trauma? My parents had a tough life and did their best, but I am aware I got scars. Didn't think they could manifest like this @Alex bAlex Not ashamed of being Romanian, I think Romania is a good place to be born, but Transylvania keeps a special place in my heart, being raised in Maramureș. As for the sugar, I gave up processed sugar almost 2 years ago. Is the biscotti I have on the bar keep staring at me and if I feel low energy/hungry I will reach for them. I sometimes eat raisins, dates with creamed coconut,organic cocoa nibs, shredded coconut and seeds as a sweet treat. I tryed making my own energy bars at some point to take on the bar, but have been too busy lately with spring coming, more work, more boards to write and planting season in the garden. I will try and make time for better 'dinner', let's say ? Thank you and take care, Romanian friend

@studentofthegame Thank you for the insight. I am going long between meals, I only get one half an hour brake for food. The rest of the time I'm on the bar. I will try to make a fruit salad and bring it to work. See how that goes.

Lots of it? I am trying a keto pescatarian for the last 3 weeks. I guess I could try no cheese and loads of fruit instead, it would not be keto anymore, though

I see what you're saying. I do have structural hereditary issues, like bad teeth which I keep fixing ever since I was a kid and bad blood flow, which I think is getting worse, as I get dry skin on my arms, legs and face. My hands get cracked, but I suspect the chemicals I work with have a contribution as well. So, pretty sure the processed sugar doesn't help, although I need the energy it offers.

Maybe I should move this in the health/nutrition department, although I am pretty sure it has more to do with my frustration of still having to do this job, more than a health/ nutrition issue

Thank you. I could give it a try, although it's a challenge doing what I do already. Just gave a read on Wikipedia on Ramadan. Not sure how that would work. Running around the bar for 10 hours, not even drinking water.... then waking up at 4 in the morning for suhur,when I finish work at 00:00 and get home at 1:00 ... Maybe not. I do eat within a 8 hour window most of the days but always drink water. Lots of water and 3 coffees a day

I do the breathing, always. I used to do jumping jacks and push-ups before I got under the water, now I just start by wetting my hands and feet and breathe deeply before going in. My breath goes naturally deeper and faster for the first seconds under the cold water, then my whole body, including the breath relaxes. I tend to listen to my body a lot and just go with it. The breath is a natural response at the shock of the cold water. I find it really easy now. I take a cold shower every morning. And, maybe once every two weeks, a nice, warm bath with essential oils

How to keep away from sugar