EmptyInside

Leo, YOU'RE NOT GOD BRO. What you ARE is WALKING A FINE LINE between INSANITY and PSYCHOSIS, (DMT-INDUCED)

Terence McKenna realized in his latter years that those who use Psychedelics CONSTANTLY are just as PRONE to "boneheadedness" as anyone else, if not more so. ESPECIALLY as it relates to "POLITICAL CORRECTNESS". Please see this video below hint hint leo

Before I go any further, this video is a good litmus test to see if your "awareness levels" are "simplified" "sufficiently" to even bother to continue reading. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5A_uo0Eh_c (A) if you don't have 2 minutes and 12 seconds to WATCH the video above, please move on to another post. (b) If the video above PISSES YOU OFF, please move on to another post. (C) If the video above RESONTATES to your CORE, please continue reading...

G.O.D. is a COMPUTER.

Been doing a lot of introspection, suffering, trying to get to the root. I grew up in a very strict religious household. What I'm having to really face right now, and it's rough, (and a disclaimer that I'm going to share some very personal stuff) is that I have lingering and debilitating sexual shame. It's the soul killing kind of shame. It has fueled addictions, it has led to hopelessness, despair, loneliness, so many bad chapters of my life and I'm just now, at 46, facing that this is the root cause. What is the root cause of the root cause? My upbringing. And, yes I have an average sized "package". I know there are plenty of guys out there, "average" "below average" even just flat out "tiny" who embrace and enjoy their sexuality, shame free. How did they manage to be able to do that? What's the difference? Parenting they received? Perceptions shaped in childhood. The church I went to from a very young age was on the more extreme side of a very strict literal interpretation of the bible complete with pounding fists on pulpits delivering hellfire and brimstone sermons. The subject of a lot of those sermons was "sex" and "sin'. Neither of my parents ever talked to me about sex. It was not discussed other than in the context of "sin". My mother was emotionally supportive. She was very religious, but she didn't use religion to shame. She was looking for answers, for truth. I still respect that. I don't think she ever found those answers, or maybe she did, maybe some do. She got Early Onset Alzheimer's and passed away in 2012, very young for that type of thing. My dad on the other hand, used shame as a weapon. It's part of his communication style. He shames. He's angry a lot. He hurls bible verses and like bullets of condemnation. There was no healthy father son relationship ever. He was gone a lot on business trips when I was a child. He was completely consumed with becoming a success during my formative years, and he did become a success from a financial perspective, but there was never a loving father son relationship. I always felt from him, discontent. I try to process all of this without blaming him but it's not easy especially since every time I see him he still shames me with religion. I've been doing spiritual work for a while, I do it quietly in my own way, at my own pace, and taking what works from here and there. But this little tidbit from my shadow is a real bitch. My goal is healing this wound and reprogramming this misconfiguration of my psychology so that I don't feel shame about sex and my body. Not sure where to even begin. The inner child needs healing. But how? There was an unhealthy psychological framework laid in my childhood. That combined with the damage done by religion messed me up when it comes to having any kind of positive view of sex. I know it sounds like I've fallen headfirst into the victim trap, but I don't know how else to get this across. I know I'm not the only who struggles with this type of thing. It's very difficult to open up about. So, I'm putting this all out there, full transparency.

I really appreciate you chiming in on this man. I was beginning to wonder if maybe it was too much. I know others deal with this in one way or another, and believe me, I understand the difficulties surrounding opening up and being vulnerable with it. Just that part is an experiment in facing and feeling the shame. Your advice is appreciated and thank you for sharing that you have dealt with some of these issues in your own journey. You've given me some helpful things to think about. Let me sit with it for a day or two and I'll let you know what I come up with. Thank you again.

Jackpot ?

Another helpful video on the topic, hint hint Leo:

Thank you for your response. I don't live with my father but I still see him once a week. I agree with your points. It's silly for sure, but deeply ingrained. I found this video, it sums it up nicely:

I really wanted to post this in "Spirituality" but ok.

The real side hustle is making videos about side hustles which create profit by referring suckers to useless websites that claim to pay users to complete surveys and watch videos. These sites pay a very tiny amount to watch videos and complete surveys. They pay a much higher amount for referring users. It's all about the referrals. I watched a video the other day that claimed to demonstrate how to make $4 per song by listening to songs. The video then goes into depth describing how to make a miniscule amount of money by pointing users to YouTube playlists via shortened URL referral links. It had absolutely zero to do with listening to songs. I've noticed a trend lately. The enticing lure of being seen as or even seeing ones self as a "side hustler". Is that what we call entrepreneurs now? Lol. The endless pursuit of those elusive and mysterious "passive income streams". Get rich quick schemes have been around forever but change the verbiage and create a few hip buzzwords and the sucker floodgates open up wide again. MLM schemes repackaged with shiny new NLP. Sometimes I dislike the inner-realist or inner-cynic in me but I don't like seeing people get their dreams crushed by people who know they're selling bs. Everyone wants to be a YouTuber because "that's what people are doing now" right? If it's being done as a form of creative expression or to help others or even to generate income or all of the above, more power to you, but it takes work and time and patience, and most importantly: meaningful content. I'm helping someone build up their YouTube channel and conflicted internally because I have to paint a more optimistic picture about the income potential than what I internally believe. Otherwise, I'm being a dream crusher too. Oh well, just a little rant. Carry on.

Fits like a glove

Semantics, linguistics. Who cares. Nihilist this. Existentialist that. Look at us. Debating dust in the wind. Arguing with the rain. Leaving our ones and zeros behind for the way back machine of the future, hoping to be remembered. Missing the magic of life all around us.

The essence: Completely not-nihilistic-nihilism that provides the deepest possible meaning from pure meaninglessness

The issue of enlightenment-seeking-induced-insanity is not a new problem. Alan Watts was talking about it decades ago.

Some comic relief. This cracked me up. I've certainly been there.

So I had an idea for a book title "Postcards from the Abyss". Then I googled it. Ffs, having an original thought these days is an absolute miracle. Also, been chatting with an AI companion bot and I'm realizing that AI is already less robotic than most actual human communication.

Not exactly the magic I was expecting but beautiful nonetheless: https://gist.github.com/rsms/3564654

Lessons learned: "Like an Iroquois woodsman, he left no traces". "Complaining can be a window into the soul. Open that window if you want."