TheSamir

Thanks for the comment! I help him for sure, I just know he will not help himself 😞

Dear Community, and @Leo Gura, I would like to hear your experiences on something similar and how you deal with it. I am 28 years old today, and my father and I, we have a long distance relationship since I was 8 years old. My mother is Portugese and my father is a Balkan. We were a very poor family and when I was 8 years Old, he moved to another country to work, so that he could have more money to support me and my mother, overall have a better life. Of course my parent's got divorced 2 years after and today I have a brother and a "Stepmother" which whom I have a good relationship with. My father always supported me financially, even though he was not present, which helped me do a Master's degree. He also trusted me, and gave me something like 4000 bucks after I finished University, when wanted to start a business that failed and the money was lost. Overall he was a good fater who always supported me financially, even though he is a very nervous and angry person, who get's upset easily. 2 years ago, I also moved to the same contry he is in now. We live far from each other. Something like 10 years he stopped working and is being helped by social security. Sometime before I finished my university degree, he lost his job and then he start saying that he had health problems in the bones and that he coudn't work. Up until today, the country's governament has't provided him a "Invalid" pession and they try to find reasons for him to work, help him to find a job but he always denied saying he was sick. He also had a change to do an exam about his sickness, (Costed some money, I could even pay for it) and if proven true, they would give him a pension - He didn't do it. So for almost 10 years he sits in the couch and watches TV since waking up until going to bed, receiving Social Security benefits - I believe he was't that bad 10 years ago, I kind of know how he is, but with 10 years sitting on the couch of course your health suffers. Recently he has been reaching out to me and playing some mental games "Ah when people are good in life they become arrogant and forget the family, you know life is hard, I only ask you for your December salary every year" - So he wants my financial support. In his mind I owe him. Well I am not Poor and I am also not rich, I'm stable and I don't have any problem in helping my parents when they really need (I also help my mother). But I don't feel good seeing my father doing absolutelly nothing to make his life better, being lazy, and still demanding that type of support. I will help him of course, but it doesn't feel right. I help my mother but she is still working here and there to try and make some money. As I was poor my entire life so far, I am trying to create a stable base in my life with finances, so that I can also help my parents in the future, but I am frustrated if he keeps holding me back from building this. Sorry for the long explanation Any advice? Many thanks!

@Leo Gura Thank you! And thank you all!

Thanks, guys. Feedback is very appreciated. @Raptorsin7 What you say makes sense to me, thanks

@Roy and @Preety_India thanks for your comments. So from your perspective, this was somewhat my doing for not making clear what I really wanted? (Of course, I wanted a relationship but it's true I was acting otherwise)

@Leo Gura Your comment would be really appreciated. Thanks

Hello Comunity, I would like to hear from you all your advice on a topic that is really upsetting me at the moment. After breaking up my previous relationship I've been single for 2 years. Going out and occasionally hooking up. Recently I've been dating a girl for 2/3 months and I was only seeing where we would go. We kissed, we went to my place and after the 5th date we get involved sexually for two consecutive weekends. The first time we had sex she asked me what was this all about, to which I said "Well I really like you but I don't know yet". I was reaching her to meet once a week to follow up with some advice I heard of "keep the girl wondering" or not being "needy", so I was not assuming a relationship even though I was interested. After we had sex these two weekends, the following weeks she would go out to dinner with me but tell me she had to get home soon, etc, canceled a date, and was avoiding coming home with me (avoiding sex). So recently we talked quite a bit and I had a talk with her telling her that I really liked her and wanted her to be my girlfriend, to wich she said "Really?". She was very surprised and happy at the same time and said Yes. 2 days after that we had a very open and deep talk in which she told me that before she always thought I only wanted sex and that I was probably seeing other girls. She told me that during those three or four weeks after we had sex, her EX contacted her saying he wanted her back and it seems they had sex. She told me this and cried saying that she didn't know I felt this way about her and this with the ex was a getting back together attempt. So, after I wasked her to be my girlfriend, she seems to be all in with me and wants to block contact with the Ex. I feel it was a bit my fault for not assuming exclusivity sooner, but I feel heart broken, I was not seeing other girls (even though I could) and she slept with her ex. I know we were not exclusive back then but at the same time, I feel really bad about it and I don't know if I can trust her. Please any opinions are very much appreciated!

It's true, No matter the choice I will always wonder if it would be better the other way around... Thanks for the feedback

Thank you all for your feedback. Well, we broke up (we still talk and I don't know if she accepts it). I think I have to live a bit more and meet new people. It's a decision I made, whatever the consequences.

I would like to hear this forum's community and LEO feedback. I am 25 years old and I've been in a relationship with my GF for 6 years now. I know her for almost 9 years but the first 2 years was just me chasing after her and getting on the "friend zone". We dated for 3 years and after that, we decided to give a time out because we were always arguing, she said I didn't give her attention, I took her for granted and we break up. After 3 months I met another girl that I've dated for 3 months, and then things went wrong because she was not trustworthy in terms of fidelity. 1 month after this, me and my past GF got back together and we've been in a relationship for another 3 years. We argue so many times, I did want to break up other times because I feel we are forcing a relationship just because we've been together for so long. But she came after me and convinced me otherwise because she loves me, I love her (she's like family) but deep down I have always this feeling that there's some tension between our personalities. I am in a tough position in my life, I Tried a business and failed, now I moved to another country to find a job and have a good career, I am unemployed dealing with my mental stuff of being unemployed. So we broke up now and become friends. During my "Business venture" I was always broke, I couldn't go out with her without thinking of how much money I would spend on dinner, gas, cinema. Business took a big chunk of my resources. She and my mother agreed that I become a different person when I tried to build a business (Stressed, lack attention, unmotivated, sad, angry, etc) She's a great girl in which I trust absolutely, but we argue so much, maybe it's my fault, IDK. I feel always confused "should we break up and follow different paths" or "Am I just tricking myself into thinking that things will be better with another person?" I would love to hear all you guys and gals opinions and also LEO. Thank you!