Erinelle

I find that whenever I feel closer to God (if I even am) and then returning to social situations in general, I struggle with operating an ego that knows it's fragile. I know I'm not my mind and feel a greater distinction with most passing days. So when I find myself dealing with other people, I find myself seeing the other person and their ego and not knowing how to feel comfortable in interacting with them (bar a couple of close relationships) as I don't want to use an ego that's full of shit just like them. So on the path to actualization, with an ego in tow, is there a way of easing up the suffering by making and utilising an ego (albeit temporary) that can feel and act better whilst it dies it's death? Or is the path and pursuit of ego dissolution meant to be a complete fucking shitshow? Is more and more pain and suffering meant to be? Or can it be cake and ice cream on the way to the real party? Because I've had dog shit on my shoe my whole life and want a cleaner experience. Hip hip hooray.

INFJ. I almost feel an attachment to this moniker in the sense that it feels like an explanation as to why I feel so different to most people. The 1%. As if I've got an approved psychological metric to explain my type of mind. But as mentioned above, not overly identifying with a typing system that fails to represent the entirety of who you are. Because I'm still different to every other INFJ as I am to every other person in general. Yet deeper down we're all the same anyway. So best not to focus on our supposed differences. Although I can't help but notice this when my mind sees how different others' minds are. I'm still often in my mind despite a growing self-awareness that notices the separation between mind and self.