Just the mage

I got ahold of a couple of people here today, I'm waiting on rplies from them. There isn't a whole lot around here and $120 an hour is kinda steep for me. And I'm not even sure if they specialize in Kundalini awakenings. Mostly all they have around here are yoga studios that look like they are based around excorsize. Sure it couldn't hurt. Thanks corndjorne.... I didn't ask for any of it. It all happened years before I knew what it was. Now the all the info full of warnings on the internet all seem very real and valid.

O nvrmnd, I thought you were telling me that I was full of shit or something.... No, I know for a fact that it's Kundalini, but I also see situational karma tied very closely with awakening, at least for me. The situations have slowly become strings of apparent problems in my life that i need to learn a lesson from. One for instance is that for years, my relationships with women all seemed to become the same problem, with the same conclusion. Feeling almost like I have been in the same relationship Everytime. Kinda like life pushes you into similar situations over and over hitting you on the head like a hammer until you stop to look and figure out why it's happening. I think I have resolved the relationship thing for the most part. Another more recent one is that when I was a young teen living with my dad and his wife... His wife hated me, not going to go into specifics about that, cause it can get really long. I am now roomating with my little brother and his fiance and me and her get into fights at times and it hit me yesterday that it's the same exact situation over again. Like echos in time, looking at your life as a mirror sometimes, she is like a carbon copy of my dad's wife, I have tried to forgive her for all the things that happened,but did I really? Sometimes even saying I forgive you really isn't forgiveness if you still feel resentment about it. it seems the more spiritual I have become throughout the years and the more I pursue my spirituality the more synchronicity happens all around me. So I have been working on myself for years, trying to become a better person. Trying to figure out the universe. And the more I do, the stronger the urge to be spiritual is and the more karma comes along, problems arise, but now i know why most of these things happen and I take responsibility for it. As far as what flooded back, what I was referring to was, the symptoms I have coming back with the intensity that I used to have, but even more intense. Yea I was making good money too. Ohh well, I'm sure the future is going to open up, give way to something amazing eventually.

Thanks corndjorne.... I didn't ask for any of it. It all happened years before I knew what it was. Now the all the info full of warnings on the internet all seem very real and valid.

Yea, I'm on s.s.i. already. It's great that they have programs for people that are sick and need help. But I want to get better so that I can actually make my dreams happen. People on disability might as well forget hope for future prospecting when they get 700 a month. Just want to fix it all so that I can get on with my life.

Yea, thanks for all the comments guys, been busy, we're moving from one city to another and have to have it done by Monday. Anyways,.... I was forced into giving I to the experience long ago, it forced me to. I felt as if I lost everything, my health made me lose my job, I never knew what was wrong with me. In the beggining I I was so sick that i couldn't even breath at times. I used to frame and build houses, my boss fired me eventually. I used to run two of his job site crews and I remember him saying, Brandon, you used to work circles around everyone here and I'm paying you twice as much as some of my employees, now your building walls on your hands and knees and panting, figure it out! It has robbed me of my job prospects, I eventually got to the point where I felt that I had to accept that I would never be the same. Would never build houses again at least not for more than a few days at a time, which I loved building. It robbed me of my mind, which if my ego serves correctly, I felt like i was genius, was always outgoing, funloving, social, I used to play poker on the side for a living at one point in my life and I was good at it. I could sit at a table and see every movement people made, almost as if reading minds, most of the time I knew there two hole cards. I lost everything that I was throughout the last few years. Even my sex drive, I have come to this conclusion now, that it's time to open back up and try to fix it all, or at least glow with the syncronicities guiding me into what it is that my soul needs. All of my karma is hitting me in the face. situations keep arising that mirror situations in the past. Almost as if they are the same people, forcing me to resolve past unresolved issues. I surrender as much as I can, but I litteraly Don't even feel human most of the time anymore. I am almost always unable to bring myself to talk to anyone that I'm not comfortable with anymore...... Anyways all that stuff is semi-unrelevent the point i was making is that I have surrendered as much as one can, it's like how much can you surrender at all times to a level four or five psychedelic trip when it's so intense at times. Some days are better than others and at times, I feel like I'm slowly figuring it out, at least I think i am. Other days are so intense that the energy that washes over me is so strong that all I can do is either sit down an wish I wasn't in my own skin, or lay down hoping that it subsides. It took years and felt as if my life was slowly getting better and what's funny is i started putting more spiritual practices into my life, thinking I was going to make my life better and came across a Kundalini meditation that i thought i would try, LMAO, yep!!! Whammo, it all flooded back, stronger than ever. I know that this should be the best thing for me in the long run, that there is a purpose and a method to the madness, I know there is intelligence in the fabric of the universe and eventually it will be of great benefit, even a holy blessing if you could look at it like that, but then those thoughts about some blog you have read about people becoming psychotic because the energy overcomes them. I definitely see how it could happen to anyone, specially people that need more clearing out like me. Anyways, I appreciate all of your guys guidance, this forum seems like it's full of some amazing people. I think I might stick around for a while. Aside from that narscasistic comment, even being a moderator on a spiritual self help forum. Honestly alot of people on here seem like they can help, but if my views, problems, seeking for help or self improvement advice isn't welcome here. There are other places with people that are undergoing what I'm dealing with. I have no problem with going somewhere else. I know what I'm going through. Didn't need someone to tell me what I'm going through. If you read the original post it asks for advice from anyone that had been through it and had pointers. Regardless of the opposition nahm, I wish you well all the same.

I should actually commit to see if I can find someone, the closest place here i know of is across the border in eureka springs Arkansas. There are a few metaphysical shops there, I think a yoga place, I'm not sure. Some witch covens, a rock shop and a few retired hippies. But we are moving to Aurora Missouri which is close to Springfield. Sure something is there, but if any of it is expensive at all I probably will have problems squeezing the funds out of my budget. It's hard to find someone like that even now a days with the spiritual boom, but it should be easier than say, the 90s.

Umm, ok where to start. I had a vast amount of the symptoms that come along with Kundalini for years, but didn't feel any energy riding up my spine at first. Although had the hot flashes and the pressure in my head and body. Now I really don't know all the terms for the miridians and canals tgat the energy flows through and all that, but when i started doing Kundalini excorsizes, which I have done a few times. The first time made my whole body tremble and shake, the energy rising up my spine feels mostly the same at different times, but differentiates in notes and tones of different feelings. Mostly it feels like a numbness,coolness and heat that flows up my spine and sometimes almost like the feeling you get before an orgasm, but it can permeate your whole body unlike sex for males. My body would buzz with intense energies afterwards but I had felt like i hadn't opened it up all the way so i kept doing it, the next time, I got it all the way up to my crown which when i did, it was as if someone turned a bright white light on in the room with my eyes closed and a floating sound of frequency like someone hut a tuning fork all around me. Now I have been hearing frequencies starting two or three years ago which started way before I started playing with my Kundalini, they slowly grew in intensity throughout these last few years and would get stronger as I layed down to go to sleep. After I raised it in my body the last couple of times. It leaves my body tingly and almost euphoric for a few minutes afterwards. But now it has gotten to tge point where it won't shut off, way more intense and accompanies burning skin, crackling in my crown chakra. All my insides buzzing like I am bathed in a bunch of vibrating atoms or something. I can feel the sensations in my spine everyday now, most of the day and for the last four days the pressure has been all the way at the top of my spine into my skull and feels like it's pushing the top of my skull outwards. It feels fuzzy and prickly in the same area in my skull near the middle back and the pressure gives me migraines when it is around for too long.

I feel the same about most diseases, like cancer is the negativity in your life manifesting in a physical form. I take kratom for my pain and some of the other symptoms it helps alot in ways, I have held off on meditation and mudras and some of the other things for now cause it scares me to death now lol. The fear of it getting any more intense is real for sure.

Yea, thanks gor all the comments guys, been busy, we're moving from one city to another and have to have it done by Monday. Anyways,.... I was forced into giving I to the experience long ago, it forced me to. I felt as if I lost everything, my health made me lose my job, I never knew what was wrong with me. In the beggining I I was so sick that i couldn't even breath at times. I used to frame and build houses, my boss fired me eventually. I used to run two of his job site crews and I remember him saying, Brandon, you used to work circles around everyone here and I'm paying you twice as much as some of my employees, now your building walls on your hands and knees and panting, figure it out! It has robbed me of my job prospects, I eventually got to the point where I felt that I had to accept that I would never be the same. Would never build houses again at least not for more than a few days at a time, which I loved building. It robbed me of my mind, which if my ego serves correctly, I felt like i was genius, was always outgoing, funloving, social, I used to play poker on the side for a living at one point in my life and I was good at it. I could sit at a table and see every movement people made, almost as if reading minds, most of the time I knew there two hole cards. I lost everything that I was throughout the last few years. Even my sex drive, I have come to this conclusion now, that it's time to open back up and try to fix it all, or at least glow with the syncronicities guiding me into what it is that my soul needs. All of my karma is hitting me in the face. situations keep arising that mirror situations in the past. Almost as if they are the same people, forcing me to resolve past unresolved issues. I surrender as much as I can, but I litteraly Don't even feel human most of the time anymore. I am almost always unable to bring myself to talk to anyone that I'm not comfortable with anymore...... Anyways all that stuff is semi-unrelevent the point i was making is that I have surrendered as much as one can, it's like how much can you surrender at all times to a level four or five psychedelic trip when it's so intense at times. Some days are better than others and at times, I feel like I'm slowly figuring it out, at least I think i am. Other days are so intense that the energy that washes over me is so strong that all I can do is either sit down an wish I wasn't in my own skin, or lay down hoping that it subsides. It took years and felt as if my life was slowly getting better and what's funny is i started putting more spiritual practices into my life, thinking I was going to make my life better and came across a Kundalini meditation that i thought i would try, LMAO, yep!!! Whammo, it all flooded back, stronger than ever. I know that this should be the best thing for me in the long run, that there is a purpose and a method to the madness, I know there is intelligence in the fabric of the universe and eventually it will be of great benefit, even a holy blessing if you could look at it like that, but then those thoughts about some blog you have read about people becoming psychotic because the energy overcomes them. I definitely see how it could happen to anyone, specially people that need more clearing out like me. Anyways, I appreciate all of your guys guidance, this forum seems like it's full of some amazing people. I think I might stick around for a while.

Hey everyone, hi leo, love your videos! Ok so where to start. I started looking for a forum lately to find anyone that can relate to what I'm going through. This has been a 12 year and counting Kundalini trip full of elaborate symptoms that most doctors confuse for other diseases, though the proof of any one disease always eludes them cause doctors aren't trained in psycho-spiritual undertakings and the symptoms have such a wide range that Kundalini awakening can mimic the symptoms of many diseases and syndroms. I spent these last few years going from doctor to doctor in frantic pursuit of a cure, treatment, or at least a peace of mind, grasping on to the hope that one of them would catch whatever the elusive disease was. Kundalini can very in intensity for anyone undergoing it, Ranging from spontaneous awakening with mostly psychological symptoms that only last a few months to just a few short years and others like me that go through years of soul and body crushing, bed ridding, debilitating illness, with symptoms even including not being able to hold yourself up to even shower, in-ability to take care of the least of life's basic needs like feeding and clothing yourself, ect. I'm not going to go through a whole list of symptoms cause that would make for an overly lengthy long boring post. The point is, I was hit with the latter, spent years thinking I was on the brink of death, contemplating all the diseases that doctors had likened it to like lime disease, or some sort of muscular degenerative disease and many others. While this has been going on i have also had the sense that my life was being drawn into a heavily orchestrated spirituality. The feeling that something "special" was happening but it wasn't until I had been meditating for a few years that i realized what was happening to me. I still hadn't even figured it out until after I had started Kundalini meditations and all of the symptoms I had been trying to mask for years became more intense and after a came across I peticular story of someone else who had gone through the same intensity of what i had gone through and what i still am, it hit me like a tone of bricks. All of the energies: feeling like I was walking through life in a microwave, heat flashes, intense pressure in my spine and in the crown of my skull, vibrating sensations, feeling like I was being crushed by thousands of pounds, so intense type of pressure that I would lose control of my body as if I were expanding outside of my body, not to mention all of the psychological symptoms and some of the other mundane ones like electrical surges and shooting pains everywhere in my body, numbness, nueralgia ect. The point in writing this is that I have not only spent years feeling like i was going through life alone for years, I have never had an outlet or guidelines for all of the symptoms and deterioration of ego that has abound, but even more importantly after I started Kundalini meditations and figured out how to move the energy up my spine, it has gotten to the point where it never turns off now, I have had minor tremors for years now, but I cannot even be in public around crowds most of the time without all of the energy around me making my body tremble, I have a hard time sleeping with energy running through my body, the pressure and buzzing in my head has become so intense at times that it gives me migraines, the burning skin,buzzing chakras, this is all rendering me useless. I know it all has a payoff in the end, but it's too intense, far more intense than any psychedelic I have ever taken and i want to know if there are any other individuals here that have or are going through the same situation. Is there any way to subside the energy that has worked for you? Any practise or style of eating or anything? I have tried laying down when it's too intense, I have tried grounding excorsizes, it never shuts off anymore and I feel as if I'm going to have a psychological break. Any help would be appreciated!