OrpheusNovum

Mental masturbation is exactly what it is. My mind has been running in circles constantly trying to figure out how to keep my dog. I haven't given myself any time to decompress and relax. It's honestly not like me to do this - not anymore at least. I guess old habits die hard. I was also told by someone not to listen to Leo because he's "low empathy". Part of this was a histrionic reaction to that. I looked at it from another angle though, and I think they're wrong.

Yeah, but I thought that was codependency. I'm scared shitless of narcissism. Doesn't help that I sometimes get hypervigilant.

I learn a lot from pain and not enough from love.

Pain isn't even the beginning. I've been through some awful shit, and I feel completely overwhelmed.

No, just someone lost and looking for answers. That's generally how my spiritual experiences come. When it boils down to it, I think I reacted to an ego backlash. The gods feel real to me. More real than the reality I know. I tell myself I'm stupid and delusional, or that I've been playing too many video games or watching too much tv. It's hard sometimes watching Leo's videos because they deconstruct things in such a way that contradicts a lot of deeply held beliefs. For example, my family has had me believing that I need to suffer and play the object game in life. I'm depressed. I spent half of last week without food, and I live in the middle of nowhere in Minnesota with no friends nearby, and only my abusive father a few miles away. I'm mostly only angry and hateful towards myself. My mom told me when I was young that if I wasn't a good child, she would die from stress. Today I coped with that pain, had a major backlash and went after Leo because I couldn't manage my own pain. I'm terrified because I'm about to put my dog in a shelter because I can't afford to keep her, and I don't know any reason why I should care enough about life to go on living if I can't have my best friend. I hate sob stories, but I'm just feeling eviscerated right now. I'm sorry I couldn't see it. I still believe all the science stuff, though. I'll do better, Leo.

Borderline is a mixture of extreme mirroring and shame. I would recommend meditation and psychedelics for sure, but I've also seen people make strides writing poetry.

I don't understand how "you don't exist" doesn't pan out to gaslighting.

I haven't been fighting it until recently. I watch at least 3-5 videos a week. I get excited by ideas. I love the process of epistemology, it's like a chthonic excursion into the Greek Underworld. It's poetic fuel. Even the pain becomes worth it, when it transmutes itself into beauty and irony. @Shiva If I was trying to confirm my beliefs, I wouldn't have publicized my disagreement. Science is a simple process. The best ideas win because they're true.

I'm here because there's a plague of addiction in my family, my dad's an alcoholic, my mom died 7 years ago from drinking, my siblings are heavy drinkers and my uncle overeats out of shame and he's on the border of having a heart attack. I'm here hoping to gain answers as a healer because I've lost enough in life. And I'm frustrated because the only answers I get from here tell me there's nothing but me, and it's pointless to try. I want nothing more than to be enlightened and self-actualized so that I can take away their pain. That's why I'm here. And if you're going to do something worthwhile, you start with WHY.

THANK YOU for this. I'm open to the possibility of everyone experiencing their own reality. I mean, for fuck's sake, look how cool quantum gravity theory is! Ultimately, I think E8 and emergence theory will pan out over string theory, given that it requires 26 dimensions and starts being unstable by 13. Also, if you look at 8-dimensional spheres, they look a lot like ancient models of reality, all stacked onto each other. I'm also open to the possibility that there's DIFFERENT KINDS of enlightenment. Wouldn't that be cool? I'm grateful that Leo is open minded enough to have an open forum for discussion. But as an actor, you MUST understand I'm hungry to hear people's various experiences! I really hope Leo reconsiders. I may have come out of the gate strong, but part of my concern is that this sort of enlightenment strips away art. And there's nothing I won't do to defend art. Unless of course it violates my oath. By the way, I have had my own mystical experiences. I'm working towards making psychedelic poetry that triggers the amygdala into a trip. There has to be a very specific structure of metaphor to the verse, though. It would also require spoken word, rather than writing. And it varies in experience from person to person.

Look, my gut tells me this doesn't iron out. I want answers. As bad as I want the air to breathe. I don't appreciate the fallacious statement that logic is unformable. Logic is how we ground knowledge. Besides, how am I to get to the bottom of truth if I don't approach with the courage of my convictions?

I still think you're mistaken in your idea of why I'm here. I love new ideas. I can't create my art without good ideas. I'm just passionate, and that's the poet in me, brimming to get out. If you change your mind and want to have a discussion, I'd love to chat. Thanks, ighost, for the sake of being thorough, I'll go check it out.

I'm not a hack, I've been watching your videos for a year and a half. I grew up travelling, visiting Buddhist temples at the age of 6 and learning Chinese Zen and Feng Shui from my mother, who was a genius with a postdoctoral master's in oral and maxillofacial surgery. I respect what you're doing, but I disagree with your direction.

Then point it out so I can see it and improve on myself.

Actualized.org works on the Elon Musk-like philosophy that if your boat is drowning, and you have a great design for a bucket, you should share it. Consider my opinion to be a product test of the bucket. Because actualized.org should be the best bucket it can be. Besides, nobody's infallible. Carbon only becomes diamond under pressure.

I want a debate of ideas. I think I'm right. If I'm not, then disprove me. This is how we learn. You can call it ego, but that breaks down to shaming someone for dissenting opinion. Telling me I'm wrong is well and good if you can prove it. There's a difference between being bold and being egocentric. People don't have ideas, ideas have people. I'll cut the defensive, but I don't like people making presumptions about me, and I'm sure you could say the same.

Alright cupcake, sit down and buckle up, because I'm going to debunk your claim that I don't know what I'm doing or what I'm talking about, and I'm metaphysically disconnected. I know a lot about self-actualization that you probably don't. Science isn't just a field of study for me. As a practicing Hellenic, science and storytelling are the core of my faith. My metaphysical connection with Athena, Hermes, Apollo, Zeus and Poseidon is the reason I choose to live every day. I'm still on bad terms with Artemis, but that's because I used to abuse animals growing up, and it kills me to know that I was such an awful person. The gods exist through the nature of manifest meaning. We invoke them every time we use the English language, because the constructions run fucking DEEP. I love them with all of my being, and if I was told tomorrow that I was banned from worshipping, I'd go to the state capital with a sword and demand to be killed on the spot. Gruesome, but I live my life by the Hippocratic Oath. I am not allowed by nature of faith to wield any object with the express purpose of causing harm to another being. As someone who likely spent a fair portion of his life behind the screen of a computer, you likely, as I have, have noticed the degree to which your mind has understood the computer down to the Lacanian mirroring level of your psychopathology. You have unconsciously internalized the metastructures of a computer, and are learning to use the functions for what's only a little more evolved than "looksmaxxing", turned into the process of "thoughtsmaxxing". However, the difference between you and I is that I'm willing to step back, look at things objectively BECAUSE I HAVE DEVELOPED THIS AS AN ACTOR, and see what's really going on. Your answer is that reality is a loop, nothing exists, science doesn't encapsulate truth. BULLSHIT. This is fallacious logic, and it's ultimately toxic. You're creating an internalized projection of self, and melding it into the reflective tapestry of the universe that casts itself into our unconscious being when we allow our minds to be loose and free. This process happens because of a Darwinian function of self-defense that ultimately blocks harmful information from coming in and destroying our sense of self, which is necessary for survival. If the ego is relaxed, information passes through freely. The problem here is that you're a smart guy with a weak ego that needs to be strengthened through harder work than you're likely to put in. Research is great, but life is meaningless when spent reading in complete isolation. My process through meditative method acting has allowed me to run through deconstructive epistemology across THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE, without chemicals that produce altered states of being. You have run through the process of deconstructive epistemology on YOURSELF and ONLY yourself, such to the extent that you now believe that you are all that is or ever was. This is a logical fallacy that is tantamount to a dangerous form of reductive pathological narcissism. There is not one being. One self. There are many selves cast across the substratum of people. The fact that Aristotelian logic does not meld into the discoveries of western culture is not the result of logic being ultimately fallacious, but rather is a consequence of the fact that at this point in our history there is little no overlap between the linguistic constructions of these cultures, and therefore this knowledge often appears to fall outside the system of logic, because such logic has yet to be applied and integrated into these cultural egos. Objectivity IS made up, but it's made up of projected meaning, and meaning is the human operative interpretation of the fundamental substructure of reality. I would recommend looking into emergence theory and E8 as a viable explanation for a theory of quantum gravity. Furthermore, passivity always begets pathological aggression. The answer is to go for what you want in life, and live by something meaningful. Not sit on a pillow and think about it. Laziness is not laziness, but fear of the consequences of action. I don't like being defensive. But I also don't like being told I'm stupid.

@Leo Gura Thanks for responding, let me process that so I can get to the root of it. I'll post here probably in an hour or so.

Elon often likes to quote a friend of his who says that "starting a business is a bit like eating glass and staring into the abyss". It depends on your personality, knowledge and passion.

I think Leo is definitely carving the way. It'll probably take a significant portion of the population reaching turquoise before we can hit coral. I'd love to hear about it, though.

Yeah, we can. Understand that art is a pure manifested projection. If you're highly self-aware, you end up projecting from intuition. I would consider myself an Apollonian healer myself. In my experience, poetry is extremely useful in its ability to soothe the amygdala, which is the part of your brain wired for survival functions, and where the roots of ego reside. Generally, the more meaning you can pack into a metaphorical structure, the more powerful the effect. To this extent you may find it useful to tune into your darkest whispers, pick out the metaphors, translate them into material truths, twist them through your own artistic fashion and reintegrate them. It's also extremely useful to CHECK AND MAKE SURE those truths stay true. As your values change, you'll need to go back, reconsider and reintegrate.