JamesB42

Why does perceived consciousness seem to battle with its self and prevents it self from seeing "what is" or "truth" or being and enlightened being

I have taken your reply on fully today,I thankyou for your time. Feeling more into it, as you say, really did give me some insight to myself ,such as how much I judge myself and then therefore feel bad for "not doing a practice" or not being conscious when I should of been ,, how do I transcend my ego and the feelings it produces by observing them,it just seems to increase anxiety,deflecting me from the work and the practices Reading this back does seem to shout iam judging myself and not solving my thought processes . This journey/thing/ path of understanding/ self improvement Isn't all rainbows and unicorns after all. Knowing something and understanding something is a completely different thing..my whole mind needs a rewire! Thank you again octagon octopus

Hi,iam not sure why iam writing this post, not sure if it's just for helping me or strengthening my ego.ive been trying to improve myself over the last few years ,no need to go into my story but I was desperately looking for answers to life...but I didn't really know what I wanted to know.i just knew it was something that needed to be done,so I found this channel and started the work..learning about things I would of never considered learning not so many years ago, spiral dynamics really helped me understand people and myself better,from then I was interested in the enlightenment work and was really keen to educate myself about it..so I practiced yoga and meditation daily it really helped and reading and researching the other topics opened my mind.. But to my point, Iam typical stage orange/green average intelligence with understanding of self enquiry and meditation, Iam also a hedonistic obsessive perfectionist. I think I have done well to progress this far and I have enjoyed all of it.but I've hit a plateau the yoga and meditation have become a chore and iam not putting vigorous energy into it anymore and kind of plodding along half assed, hoping a breakthrough this low point in my development. What I could do with knowing is how do you find the motivation to continue. It feels like my brain is a separate entity that's actively fighting my consciousness, I get that the learning curve isn't a steady arc and it plateaus...but I have been stuck in this strange loop for about a year now..going over old ground re reading stuff and re watching videos. So after my initial vast improvement in my development I seem to have hit a wall and cant get over it . has anyone got any ideas on how I should be going about this stage in my life..because I just dont want to fall back to sleep and miss my life to media etc...feel like iam going a bit crazy..and frustrated..but iam one of those that doesn't give up (stubborn,but will grind the wheel even in bordem)any advise would be appreciated..before I bust my frustrated head on this proverbial wall