Ayla

"Shadow Work" using interpersonal relationships Any instance of your experience that feels less than PEACE, is a perfect opportunity to do what we usually call shadow work. Here are my own findings: write down the situation in as much detail as you can, addressing it directly to the person remove (erase) name of the person from the story and replace it with "ME/I/MINE" - turn the message towards yourself (Byron Katie's Work) circle the adjectives/attributes of the person you hold responsible for the "peace-less" state The WHERE and the WHY. Example: Let's say I have a situation where I perceive TT has done something that upsets me. "TT is being negative and judgmental, patronizing and un-loving." (avoid words like jerk, stupid, etc - they will get you nowhere). "I am being negative and judgmental, patronizing and un-loving" - ( this will most likely be met with a great deal of resistance by Ego the first few times). It is sometimes VERY difficult to dis-engage from the innitial story. What I used to do when this was the case, was that I replaced "TT" with the name of someone I really appreciated (you may use a friend, a femily member, a guru, a saint, etc) - so that the situation could feel less personal and dramatic Finding w&w (where and why) for negative, judgmental, patronizing and unloving - this requires some soul searching where in my own life am I being negative and judgmental, patronizing and un-loving? Take them one by one. Analyze your behavior towards others. Search for examples in your "outer experience". If more advanced, look into how you treat Yourself in those manners why do I treat myself/others that way? We treat ourselves and others in direct link with our inner beliefs about ourselves, or, even better said, our deep inner wounds are projected forward into a behavior that would point us directly to the cause. Here is how the example will look in the end: "TT is being negative and judgmental, patronizing and un-loving." = I hold an inner belief that I am not enough as I am, that I SHOULD be a certain way for people to love me. This is caused by feeling deep down that I am worthless >>> rejection and abandonment wound. (use "left hand right hand" exercise on first page of this thread.) As with all my other posts here, it is NOT ENOUGH to understand these principles, as this will not change much in your outer manifestation. These tools have to be worked in order for them to reveal their magic ********************************** Few examples of *WHY - what is behind some of our behaviors: arrogance > feeling of unworthiness ( if I act arrogant nobody will know how unworthy I feel inside) aggressiveness > fear of being hurt ( if I am being aggressive I don't let others close enough to hurt me) wanting to be right all the time > fear that I am not enough just by being, lack of trust in life's natural unfolding fighting > inner rage, desire to affirm my will to exist, "invisibility" issues neediness/feeling un-loved > narcissistic wound, not being able to love yourself as you are, lots of "shoulds"

It's all just God allowing its own dreams to dream..

@Philip , you might find this topic helpful:

Let me know if you need help

@abrakamowse , found this and thought of you hehe... PS: you said you will stop everything and really get to the looking. Do you want me to ban you from the forum so that you have one less distraction ? (half kidding )

That is because you are trying to understand, to figure it out, to solve a problem, instead of JUST LOOKING !

sure. Can you see that this is just a thought? Can you trace it back to anything ELSE than a thought?

@abrakamowse , if you HAVE TO read something, read this!

Good. Now... inner guide, what is that? Isn't that also a bit like Santa? True or false, yours or mine.. Drop that too. It's a concept. You are ONLY trying to realize who YOU are. No guides in or out. Drop. Drop. Drop

@Elton , what I know about dreams is that EVERY part of that dream, is an aspect of yourself, competing with another. Also, a very active mind can bring its ruminating into sleep.

@abrakamowse , very nice. May I ask why the interest in Buddhist books, 3rd eye, etc? ( no need to answer me, answer to yourself). I see this as "running away". You are not - as far as I understand from your posts - on a path of learning about Buddhism or anything else. You are doing E-work. You are trying to understand who you are. Is that true? What makes you think the exercise was good? The fact that it validated some CONCEPTS? I guess, what I am saying here, is that you need to keep your focus on what you are pursuing. As soon as you meet Buddha, 3rd eyes, chakras, fantastic experiences, Santa, unicorns, fairies, etc... DROP THEM!

My FIRST glimpse - written 18 months ago hehe... "if truth is always HERE, it must be here at any moment"

SELF-HONESTY (*spiritual context) This is, by far, one of the most important hindrances on the path of awakening. Rationalization <<<<<<<<<<<<<<SELF-HONESTY>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Awareness Self-honesty is the ability and willingness of mind to "translate" awareness. When human beings lack awareness, they tend to rationalize and generalize. Concepts and ideas gathered through studying certain subjects, are used to explain away patterns and behaviors that they are too afraid to see or to confront. These concepts are so much part of us, that - trying to dissociate from them, see them as external (and thous being able to drop them) - will feel like ripping off parts of our own flesh. Who would want to do that? Not me! Once awareness is being built, these patterns are beginning to be seen as something external, something learnt, some neuronal path that unquestioned mind has always been on. So rationalization, is a type of a "self-agending dogma" = a way for the human psyche to excuse unconscious actions. Forms: generalizing clown-ing ( using humor in any and all circumstances to distract attention from important subjects) combining perceptions/concepts = this is the most insidious one I've come across yet. An example is when someone intellectually understands spiritual concepts, but applies them in the daily experiences without discernment. e.g. "I can bully someone as much as I want to, because there is no "I", and because all is good anyway"; "I can continue to engage in any type of addiction because I am not my body or there is no "me" to decide" using very little understood ideas and concepts (pretending that those concepts are part of their direct experience) - the energy of a "stealing" and/or in-authenticity accompanies such strategies - and life experiences will mirror that energy at every step (aggression, trolling, mocking, fighting, ignoring, antagonizing etc) Self-honesty is something to be developed. It needs focus and consistency. It needs courage and maturity. THIS is where self-development tools can be life changing. What I noticed in my own case: Pattern - becomes seen - is being integrated - reaching of critical mass* - dropping. *I call critical mass the time between the healing/integration of a pattern and its actual disparition from outer manifestation

Running away *I would first like to emphasize that this particular post is ONLY intended for those who are SERIOUSLY searching to embody who they really are. Also, this is, again, my own experience and understanding. Running away is.. the ego. It can take up many forms, as many as people are, but for the purpose of this, I will focus mostly on the ENERGY behind it. Human beings are born equal and free. What I like to do to verify my steps forward, and to be sure that I don't fall into some ego trap, is put myself in a state of mind where I embody several people in the same time: I pick people from forgotten tribes from different parts of the world and I ask: would this person agree with me? would they do what I'm about to do? ( desert people, amazonian tribes, Australian aborigines, etc). Behind this, there is the understanding that THE TRUTH is everywhere present and it is not dependent of human (ego) understanding. Anything that you find yourself DOING that ALL those people would NOT do (are not doing), is a running away. The most obvious ways to run away from spiritual work, are the addictions: substances, relationships, sex, sports, perpetually seeking information, etc. Less obvious ones, are: meditation, inquiry, the need to understand things, the need to solve or to fix things, etc. Now your ego might feel the pinch or the sword of these words, thinking that all (most of) those things are GOOD. And yes, they CAN be, but usually aren't and this is why, VERY few people get results from them. (have you ever encounter people that have meditating for 30 years and...their energy is still solid as a rock, and you feel no openness from them? ) The KEY to recognizing a "run-away" is AWARENESS and SELF-HONESTY! Several ways to verify if you are running away, or on the contrary, if the tools you are using are beneficial on your own path: Let's take the meditation example (but you can replace it with anything that you "DO"): - meditation as run-away: constriction, guilt and fear: (can you guess who's attributes are these? ) feels like a doing and an effort-ing. Every time the chosen time-slot for sitting down to DO it, feels like a huge burden to you and you are searching for any possible reason to skip it. something happens one day and your meditation schedule is perturbed. You feel this self-blame and frustration and become agitated after meditation session you get up and feel this enormous sense of relief ("I did it! pheww") there are NO OUTER manifestations in your daily experience: no increased awareness, no calming of mind, no peace. Your reactivity to challenges (neurosis) remains unchanged. - meditation as spirit call: spaciousness, compassion and peace schedule for meditation is flexible and you seem to somehow do it whenever you have a bit of time, even while walking or cooking. there is an expansion and a peaceful feeling when the time comes to sit down and meditate. the peace and awareness is prolonged into daily experiences and your reactivity is replaced by being RESPONSIVE skipping a session is met with compassion and understanding ******************************************************************* I'd also like to talk about the difference between running away from thoughts (emotions) and dropping them: When you run away from an emotion, it will feel like a constant pull to keep coming back to it (inner or outer). People and circumstances will show up and bring it back over and over again. It is also called pushing it down (or back). So, does it feel like fear? Does it feel like you'll still need to understand it, work on it "later"? That, is suppression. When you drop a thought, when it has been integrated, healed, let go of, it will feel like peace, like a liberation, a sense of accomplishment and of lightness.

Try curiosity instead of courage. Like a child

Subconscious. Inner child. Vibration. I am going to try to make an analogy that might help you with any type of "inner work" endeavor. *I am teaching nothing and don't mean to feed any bullshit into you. Your being will decide either to use all this as fertilizer for a growth-less soil, or pass it by and never look at it again. I am only sharing some of my insights and findings here. Imagine a human being as a room full of little antennae. The room's walls are full of screens. As far as I could go back with my own inner seeing, the first antennae that gets activated at birth, is FEAR ( hence the crying and gasping for air ). So this antennae called Fear, will start to emit a constant signal, that will project onto one of the screens on the wall. Note that at this time, HB (human being) has no concepts: time, space, fear, inferiority, worthlessness, etc. It only knows what is perceived through senses: cold, hot, sounds, hunger, etc. One by one, antennae are being triggered and projected onto screens on the wall as years go by. None of them will just "go off" by themselves, because they are vibrational points that do not function in time/space, but in changing their vibration. That can only be done by integration: understanding, compassion and love. That is also the reason why there's a need to go back at that point in time and just be completely present with that energy. Not trying to push it away, not wishing it gone, not wishing it healed, but accepting its happening. That acceptance will dissolve it and "nullify" its vibrational point. Let's take inferiority as an example. Antennae has been triggered by mom comparing HB with a "better" HB. The screen lights up and begins the search for healing. What is perceived as "another HB" with get the role in this screenplay to show, to point, to the fact that this particular antennae needs attention. (It is very similar with body healing itself: have you ever cut your finger and immediately saw the wound beginning to push out what can be contaminated blood and closing the skin to protect the flesh?). To support the "actor" that has taken the role to point you to that antennae, mind enters play too. So in the end, it will look like this: Mind will make you believe and act as if you were superior. Actor though, will keep telling you over and over again, what the antennae says: "inferiority"! In other words, "others" will keep triggering you into feeling that you are inferior so that you can heal that wound and shut down the emission of that antennae. This is where deep self-honesty and looking into your inner motivations (antennae) is CRUCIAL. (exercises above will help you LOOK ). Another point is that, not only "other people" are a direct link to the subconscious making itself conscious, but as long as the energy is projected forward - convincing, fixing the "others" - those antennae will never stop emitting. The only thing that will happen is that an actor might "get tired" and another one with a different face and another approach will enter the screen, only to point you to the same "inner wound". ( look back at your relationships with people and you will see that, if you were to only write down one phase about each of them, the only difference would be..the name ) Can you also see, from this perspective that "others" that you perceive as your enemy are in fact, your MOST PRECIOUS healing actors? Another way to see this, is that YOU have invested a lifetime's worth of energy and time into pushing these wounds away from your awareness. Universe - God - Life, in its infinite love and wisdom, is sending you the EXACT means (people, experiences) to REVEAL those wounds that are killing you from inside. Let's say that you read something on this forum and you think about that person: "he/she is neurotic, arrogant, obnoxious and stupid". Guess what? This is EXACTLY what you SECRETLY and TRULY think about... YOURSELF! And as long as you don't look into those feelings relating to yourself, you will have "outer" manifestations to directly point you into that. Once you have integrated those feelings within yourself, came to terms with them, embraced them, you will not have any manifestation in your life that will perceive that way. Major wounds that all HB have: rejection, abandonment, humiliation, betrayal, injustice. ( Look into Lise Bourbeau's work for more info on this topic ) What these wounds produce as an effect are: Fear, Anger and Grief. ( Michael Brown's "The Presence Process" ) https://youtu.be/wuMbPp8rf2M https://youtu.be/Wu4-Dz7hlKA **** If you think of the walls of the room being covered in screens, the ones that are the most activated will be the ones having the most amount of sound and color to them ( drama ). As soon as a bit of that drama is integrated, another screen will capture attention next, one that is next in line with most drama to be let go of. Awakening can ( and usually DOES ) happen in a moment when competing "screens" have a too high level of drama and "personhood" gets burned out.

Quick tip for posting on forum and talking to people in your life: Be aware of what you are saying/writing. is your message sending COMPASSION or is it just a manifestation of your need to be somehow right or superior? (watch Leo's video on neurosis) is your message based on personal, direct experience, or is it just some parroting of a dogma that you are using as a means to run away from E-Work? (in which case you have the option to state the source, or to have others FEEL your in-authenticity and reply back with the same energy, or just... ignore you as a valid source of growth)

@Elton , life will decide how to manifest there. It is not necessary, no. If you can just completely and permanently drop everything, no. It tends not to be the case. Think of yourself having 100 helium balloons that you've been carrying all your life. You don't know and don't want to walk around without them. But... they will need to go. Either one by one, or in clusters. Will that be manifested as panic? Not necessarily. If you DO get them, you have to develop the capacity to fully be OK with them. Not pushing against them, not wishing they were over. What I do, is search for the acceptance that I might be living a constant panic for the rest of life. Be OK with what IS.

Self-Honesty: Once you have had the first glimpse, that moment of REALIZATION, of always being THAT, perfect, infinite and timeless, the real path begins. What to look for - hindrances: SELF-agenda - more or less unconscious. If you want to become enlightened because it will bring you "{xyz}" , think again. What you are embarking on is a path where that self that is searching for whatever dreams it might have, THAT SELF, is not real. The self agenda might manifest as: wanting to feel good, wanting to become better, wanting to take advantage of, superiority issues, etc. Running away - if you are embarking on this path from a desire to run away from emotional/psychological/physical pain, again, think twice. How to recognize when you are running away as opposed to "dropping the story" (I will probably later on write an entire post on this): in essence, running away feels fearful and constrictive. It leads you into DOING: addictions, reading, Youtube, endless back and forth communication, sports, going out, etc. Bypassing - using spiritual concepts as a dogma. You remain at a level where, even though you know exactly what to say and do, you have accumulated TONS of information that you can provide (parrot), there is no real WORK being done. It is all at mind level. An analogy that I can find, is that you pretend that you are a world class cook, by showing your collection of kitchen utensils, ovens, cutting boards and other "paraphenalia", but in reality, you never cooked a single cake! *little note on last point: let's say that someone who ate a particular cake, is given the description of that cake by someone who only ever READ about it. The person that already ate the cake, will ALWAYS KNOW, and others might feel it too, that the other one only read about it. ADVICE: Follow your longing. Make this an absolute priority. When you have found something that resonates with you, STOP the search and work that tool! Working the tool means to really sit down and do whatever it proposed in it, as opposed to just mentally understanding the principle and moving on to the next thing. Ability to transcend deep inner programming: You do not need to go looking for things to fix or to transcend or to integrate. Life will put them right in front of you. I will give you a personal example: After my first full day of pure bliss, next morning came in with a loud bang: "why would YOU be enlightened?" - I had done enough shadow work by then (Teal Swan, Noaf Elkrief) to recognize immediately the "worthlessness" issue coming up to be looked into. I immediately begun working on that, and this is also when I found Mooji. So, whenever something comes up into your direct experience that feels anything less than pure bliss and acceptance, it should become like a bell for you that says: "LOOK INSIDE". Here is how to do that: ******* *** Focus and commitment: Once you have embarked on this path, NOTHING is apart from it! Everything is part of the letting go of what you thought it was YOU. You will have to find ways to keep focused and to go on, even and especially those days when everything will feel like death. Find a guide, a guru, an YouTube channel, a E-buddy, a teacher, etc. One note here: At one point, that too will need to be let go of. Sometimes, the "pull" of the first glimpse will be enough to keep you focused. Other times not - prepare for these times: keep "emergency" aid at hand (this post might be one), favorite videos, techniques, people, etc. Use everything you can to move you forward.. Willingness to accept that...you're wrong! Having an open ear and open eyes - being able to listen and to read "spiritual concepts - is not enough. Actually integrating these concepts demands the willingness to admit that your old paradigm is..."wrong". Become aware of your own barriers inside that stop new perspectives from actually effecting your notions about the world and yourself

This topic is intended to help those of you who are seriously pursuing enlightenment work. A bit of a "dictionary" of terms, as they will be used here: I = life = this = God enlightenment = realization of no-self = "pathless path" / "gateless gate" E-Work = enlightenment integration work Let's begin. Awakening tends to just happen. Either is it a result of profound suffering or dissatisfaction, or it may just happen at a random moment in life. The best that I can describe it is like the awakening in the morning. If you look with awareness at that time when you first wake up, you will notice that there is a moment where something is REALIZING that it is awake. * a good habit is to become very aware of the few seconds just before you go to sleep, and few seconds just when you wake up. It is a sort of an "awareness training" that would give you many insights into how mind seems to work. Even though it is personal and it may manifest in different ways, the GENERAL flavor of this awakening is one of complete acceptance, love, oneness and peace. Here is what I wrote the day I had the first glimpse: What I didn't understand at that time and what took me completely off guard, was that... it was JUST an experience that came and it was going to go. The journey that took me from there to here is what I want to concentrate on here. It is ESSENTIAL that you understand that an enlightened being, I prefer the term "free" or "liberated" being, is not one living in the above mentioned pure bliss. Not in the beginning. Not even very soon. The length of this path to full bliss is dependent of several factors: Self-honesty ability to transcend deep inner programming focus and commitment

This is intended as a guide and a sharing of experiences after the initial "seeing". A little bit of an explanation: After initial seeing of the reality of no self, mind will begin to come back with a vengeance for a while, probing into the most intimate corners of your being, as if to ask if you are sure that you want to pursue this. First attack is usually: "what you saw was either not real or you didn't see it at all or you've imagined it" etc. This is where people usually get lost. For some, they go back to believing their minds. They lost touch with their inner intelligence because they are so caught up in fears and lack of self trust. They stop seeing the help that is being given to them in order to transcend, lose insights and intuition, only to come back to them weeks or months or years later - usually due to life frustrations that keeps pushing them to continue. Solution: deepen your seeing. Keep inquiring who is the one that doesn't believe, Keep going back into "observer mode". Don't believe anything you mind is telling you. IT IS NOT REAL! Once you have deepened your seeing, You will receive some kind of help through synchronicity, new openings, new forms of seeing the reality and understanding it. Second series of attacks involve your deepest programming and insecurities. Situations will present themselves to trigger what you cling to as a person. It will seem VERY real and frightening. This is where a guide is very important. Someone that can keep you steady and focused so that you don't give up. Different dynamics in the job area, family area, interpersonal relationships are beginning to manifest and everyone around you will try to pull you back into who they need you to be. I call such attacks HELL. They have a feeling about them that is so definitive, like a surgeon that cuts off parts of yourself. BTW, they will only cut parts of who you are not, of your own illusory construction. How to deal with such attacks. Usually during the first attacks of this type, you completely "lose it". You lose the seeing, the observer, the guide, the God and everything seems to go into a full panic mode. Body reacts in a myriad of ways - pains, aches, shaking, vomiting, trouble breathing, sharp knives, cold, hot, etc. Mind is going completely bonkers. If you can get in touch with the one that sees that and just let it happen, if you stop pushing it away, if you can fully feel the body's reactions, it will pass. Use any or all of these "affirmations" : this has come and it will go this is only tearing apart things which I am not I am seeing all of this, it is not me I cannot be killed let go It is also very possible that you also lose the confidence and the trust in your guide at this time, because of the association of mind: "it is because of this person that I am into this mess". You need to prepare for this one in advance. Build trust and look into this, BEFORE. A good guru or guide will warn you about this and put in place techniques to reach out to him in those moments. I have a list of videos and one or two people to help me when/if this still arises. The help consists in the reassurance that all that's needed is to stay as the Self and watch all this. There's also a strong pull to just go back to sleep during this phase, as you see your self-made construction dissolve. It can manifest as suicidal thoughts, refusal to continue the looking, negating the guide, going back into certain pattern of behavior, throwing away all the books, deleting the videos, etc etc. Those, are also thoughts and you need to look at them as such. Keep going in. As an ending to this initial post, I want to say that if you read this and you know what I'm talking about, hopefully it will help you stay on the right track and reassure you. Every Enlightened Master has passed through this narrow space in order to transcend. For each of us, the experience seems different but it has the same roots and flavors. Keep in mind that TRUTH NEVER ATTACKS YOU, and if it does, it only attacks parts of who you are not!

This topic will be continued here:

@Lee , I really REALLY recommend you this book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Artists-Way-Discovering-Recovering-Creative/dp/0330343580/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1467986415&sr=8-1&keywords=the+artist%27s+way

Whenever you tell me what is going on in your (outer) life, you are actually telling me what is going on in YOU. LITERALLY!

Sure, but that is ALSO no separation from consciousness. No YOU is there to decide to go on chasing... or not. Your ONLY "job" is to look from what sees. Once you've seen "it"... it isn't what you're looking for (you). ************************************************************* can the best knife in the world cut itself?