Azrael

@Toby, thanks for the sum up. I think however my experience here goes into another direction. It was more about the structure of reality then different states of consciousness.

Can you sum it up? Won't watch the whole thing.

Maybe I couldn't portray well enough what I experienced. There was of course something happening in awareness, yes. But this was secondary. What I got from the trip mainly is the understanding of how this dream reality works by stepping outside of it and seeing how it comes into appearance. How the creative force of reality manifests. What it showed didn't matter, but how it does that, did really much. But sure this was just a taste of it but enough to completely shatter my old picture of reality and giving me new ground to work with. You are completely right that mushrooms are probably too twisted for that work. I'll probably go for some AL-LAD in the future. Thanks for the suggestion, that's a good tip.

I got a good taste of how being born, dying and relativity works. I saw its mechanics in front of my eyes. I wouldn't say that it put all of my questions to rest because there is still stuff I don't understand and there always will be, but it was ground-breaking in seeing directly how reality works.

I had a kundalini awakening last summer before 5-MeO. Was it full-blown? I don't know. I'm not an expert with kundalini. I can only recognize that it was an kundalini awakening based on what I read.

When you start with meditation your nervous system is just from an energetic perspective like a music festival. A lot of stuff happening, a lot of shit in the system, crazy people, etc. Then when you try to sit and do nothing it's like you shut off the music and all the hippies go crazy because they can't party no more. Some people will go shortly after it and some other will stay and protest. It's the same with your nervous system. It takes some good time 'till the last hippie is gone and the festival is completely empty and everything that remains is the still, beautiful nature on that the festival was actually hosted. Btw., I'm a big festival fan myself. We go party hard in the summer here in Germany. But this analogy kind of explains this part of the journey.

Very true. If you ever experience a state of no-thought that is effortless and is kept up for a longer period of time, you'll discover that decisions pop up like hiccups and that no thoughts are required. What you experience right now is that you have a decision come up like "I will go to the toilet to take a dump" and while this is arising there is also a thought arising that says exactly that. Through that you are tricked to believe that a decision comes from a thought (that you freely think). That's an illusion. Decisions come up by themselves, thoughts do so as well. One might influence the other but is not depended on the other. That being said, there are of course scenarios in our complicated conceptual world that need intellectual ground work to have what we might call good decisions. For example you could have the decision come up that you'll give away all your money to charity. But because this is a risky move for your self-survival before that decision would ever come up there would come up a lot of thoughts that think about that (for a normal person). The same is with decisions that need intellectual information because the decision itself is intellectual. Let's say, you wanna go on vacation. Normally a bunch of thoughts will arise that trigger little decisions like "go research that", "go think about that", ... until in the end there will be a decision like every other one that'll just pop up and make you do the "right" thing. It is just that your unconscious mind needed more information and so it triggered thoughts and little helper decisions to make the big one. It is surprising however - when you find it out for yourself - that most of the decisions you make throughout your day need no to very little thought. Every word I have written until this point in this post did not take one thought. It just came by itself. Although you might think this is a very intellectual manner. Well, the unconscious knows pretty well what it does, I guess. So, how do you train yourself to make decisions w/o thoughts. Because it takes training. Meditation is the big one of course. Without meditation you'll probably not be able to stop thoughts in the first place. Secondly, you need to learn to trust your intuition by letting it decide. This takes time and you'll fuck up a few things up on the way because your intution right now is probably pretty confused and sceptically viewed by your mind. I can tell you however that if you begin to trust in your intuition and train it, it'll make your life much more effortless and beautiful. Because your intuition even knows when to ask the conscious mind to think about something. It's just that the relationship to the intuition must be learned. To start with that ask yourself something you need to decide (with your internal voice) and wait if something comes up by itself and if what. Then act on that. Start with little non-risky things and then see how it develops. There's much more to it but you will figure it out along the way. If you once experience the genius of your intuition and you are fully able to act from that all of the time, you'll never want to go back where you were before. Cheers, Az

Couple of months. It came back from time to time though. Because you need to fully resolve it and see through its illusionary nature as just an attitude. But this resolving takes time. Can be different for anyone else. I have one friend who will probably never in his lifetime come out of this.

I feel that you can only be truly happy when you don't know happiness any more. In the sense of I started to be fulfilled all of the time when the distinction of happiness and not-happiness fell away. Then there is no defining no more because this is eventually what keeps you from being fulfilled in the first place. Because you draw a line in your head. You say: "Cake is great", "Trump is bad". And if your head doesn't say this no more, there's no one to be happy and no one to be sad and through that stillness arises that implicates the sense of sober fulfilment.

From my own experience what you have going on right now "the I cannot integrate with society attitude" is just a phase. Just keep digging. It'll fall off and a different phase will come up. This'll get stronger and stronger and stronger and it'll feel like you are completely falling apart (what you also are) and at some point you just die (the illusion of ego). And then when you're dead, there are still the phases happening but no one who cares about them.

I find Shunryu Suzuki to be quite a champion in communicating the whole way how to approach spirituality and integrate it in your life. There are a lot of great examples throughout time who where possible to spread the word. In modern times one of the ones that helped me quite a bit is Rupert Spira. His analogies and intellectual ability is extraordinary.

I'm from Berlin.

I've talked to Leo about his last trip because I had a trip a few weeks ago that was very similar and I'd like to make a distinction (that I will illustrate further in my trip report that is hopefully coming soon): There is a difference in having a trip getting into an enlightened high + having some very cool realizations and visions / mentally dying, leaving everything behind, surrendering completely, becoming god and opting out of your current frame of reference. These experiences are totally distinct. The first one is as you said in a lot of cases an egoic high because it feels so good and looks so cool and it's all well, blah blah blah. The second is going to the margin of dualistic (conscious / unconscious) experience, breaking through that (and out of your life / dying) and being introduced firstly to what we call God (the axiomatic principle that implicates your current frame of reference - your life) and secondly the world around that. Just a brief distinction that I will further discuss in my post. But there is a very great difference between the both in my personal experience. And there is way more to it. Now, of course you can still argue that everything you perceive is illusionary and through that all Maya, yes. But this illusion follows certain patterns and what we would call rules and it's the journey of spirituality to experience the very nature of this happening and how it interacts. One little subset of this is knowing who you are - "getting enlightened". I say little because I think it's much harder to grasp what a "door" really is then getting enlightened. Let alone what we call sentient beings like humans, dogs etc. Understanding the nature of these things is another enlightenment over enlightenment over enlightenment. It's an endless chain of enlightenments you can have with this. And Leo just let you in on the fact that he is progressing in that respect and from what I know myself it sounded like he knows what he talks about - just because I have seen it and you can tell if someone else sees it. That's my take on that. Now lastly, it shall be said that it is fine however you design your own journey and what enlightenments you'll have in this life. Because we all start in completely different worlds a criminal might have an enlightenment that leads him to never be violent in his life again because he truly saw some day that this is not the way (for him). I think that enlightenment for him might be exactly what he needs and for someone else it's something different. The fact that not every seeker will know who he truly is let's you in on the secret that not everyone should experience this right away. Think about that. Personally, I've been astounded how less I cared about spirituality and all that stuff after my enlightenment on who I truly am. I wouldn't think about it at all because it is now resolved. There is nothing more to dig there. So I go into other stuff like exploring other facets of reality that'll enlighten me on that. (What is way harder as I said) So whatever you do with your journey, is fine. It's just one step on a never ending stair that builds as you go along. That's why a good Zen student keeps the attitude of "Nothing special", because it isn't. It's just the way. (And of course that's another enlightenment that you first have to reckon.) Cheers, Az

I think for a youtube video it's not that bad. At least the few top ones that I read. Most people on youtube are just trolling or bitch-moaning and complaining. But that's totally fine. Leo talks about a territory that is contrary to all you know in normal daily life. I would be very alarmed if all the people were applauding him and being like: "Yeah, that's right." I have what I call the 5-MeO-DMT-Test in mind when I say this and it goes like this: "Would this person x still say what he is saying right now if we gave him one breakthrough dose of 5-MeO-DMT?" And the answer is mostly no. Mostly, there are exceptions of course. Some people's ignorance is probably even too hard to break with that shit and they would mis-interpret it completely. But then again, they ground you and make sure you still relate to the "normal world" when you are flying off high. You cannot make a baby recite general relativity to you - you cannot make someone who is still concerned with getting him right understand the nature of selfless being.

You think you are in low-consciousness mode because you are flooded with bad sensations and disturbing thoughts, but you aren't. What's happening is that the suit (that I talked about in my last thread) is opening up and all the daemons that are locked inside are coming out. So it's good. Just keep going on.

You have to see for yourself whether this is still mental or maybe a real condition. If you think you have a condition, maybe see a doctor and make some tests. This could be unrelated to this work. Be safe.

After my awakening this year I never had a moment in which I consciously tried to change my state of mind to achieve something. Meaning, in normal egoic non-integrated consciousness you often say to yourself "I should be more motivated right now", "I wanna get into this meditative state right now", "I should be x and y", and I've never done this no more. Not because I tried to not do it, but because it's not happening by itself. This automatically leads me to do most of the things I do without any thought at all. Cooking, speaking, working, reading, listening. It's just very empty inside. And sometimes I "wake up" in this emptiness and I don't even know what's happening because I'm so gone. Now, if you naturally have some bad tendencies inside you I can see how you can do very, very much worse when enlightened. Just because there is no one to stop you any more. There is still your intuition to do that and it does it just as before for a normal person, but I think a good amount of normal people would very instantly go insane if enlightened ... and that's why they aren't. We cannot take a world full of enlightened people with dumb intentions. That's why in Zen they discipline you rigorously before you have your enlightenment, so that you don't freak out. I think this is not discussed wide enough, because it's a bigger issue then you might think now. You have in most of your life time lived in a way in which you had a ton of emotions and thoughts going on every second of the day. If that is greatly reduced to silence, you won't have any reference to live in that world. And it takes time to get around here.

@Max_V, expect illness, physical and mental, pains arising from nowhere, headaches, signs of real mental illness, craziness, suicidal thoughts. This is all normal. Seriously, as heavy as this sounds. Just think of having suicidal thoughts as someone who would never think about killing himself. Well, it's fucking freaky, be prepared. Basically your mind/body are physiologically changing, rewiring themselves. The nervous system is changing and this'll trigger all kind of crazy shit.

Yeah and I think that if you are not intrinsically thrilled to know this stuff, you'll never get anywhere here because even if you are it's hard enough. Nothing against you, just an observation. That's why I say you shouldn't do it, if you have to will yourself into this.

If you ask that question you shouldn't do it. If you do it, you wouldn't ask that question.

Nice one! @Little Plant, it's normal. Don't worry. You have to take in account that your brain is physiologically changing. It rewires itself. That's a very physical process. And that'll bring up some crazy states, hallucinations, emotions etc. up. Expect it all and get used to it. At some point you can have an emotional roller-coaster inside you, seeing hallucinations and you being like "Well, seems all quite right here." This'll all go of course at some point, but it takes time.

That's why I don't tell you guys where I get my psychedelics from. Cuz you too crazy. You just too crazy.

No, it remained completely unnoticed. And I haven't told anyone as well. And I won't. Why should I. I told you guys because you are into it and it might help you listening to another story of how it can happen. At least they didn't came to me and said something. But remember, you still keep your character, how you speak, what you do, what you like and dislike etc. The only thing that definitely goes from you is suffering and attachment. So people may notice that you are more relaxed and seem not to care so hard any more. But yeah, actually I had never in my life somebody come to me saying "Wow you changed a lot." Although I had quite some changes in interests and opinions throughout my life, way more then enlightenment in that respect. It's probably because I'm so young and so involved in so many different things that it just doesn't surprise people no more if I do this thing, or change a little here, or ... . I'm not your typical guy out of a factory.

It never existed with body and mind in the first place. That's not madness, that's a very deep realization. Get there and then your question will be laughable to yourself.

I'd suggest reading some scientific articles and studies about the topic. Maybe talk to some people who were in the situation you are in and how they did it. Shrooms are a start if you start slow. But go research, it's all out there.