Azrael

I've talked about this in great detail. Please look before you ask. Computer Science.

A little bit of divine music, check this out guys. I love it.

I tried a Zen group here in Berlin. Didn't like it. I like to be my own man and do my own stuff. I am a big fan of mentors and I had a few of them in life (mostly for business stuff though). But for this matter, I like to do it that way. Maybe that changes in the future, maybe not.

An intuitive knowing means more than every word I can use to describe that intuitive knowing, I'd say. But, let's put it like this. In the normal non-integrated state of egoic consciousness - still lovin' that phrase - you are deeply rooted in the belief that you are a person. It feels like that. When you reveal that this person is a self-image that is kept up and when you remove the attachment to that self-image, it mostly dissolves - or let's say it integrates. It's still there when you need it, but it isn't your point of reference any more. Then automatically, your identity flips inside out, because it was centralized to this finite self-image and now that this is gone your identity becomes everything that there is. But that happens unconsciously, like your prior identification with the self-image also happened unconsciously. And then, when you are in an integrated state of consciousness, it's obvious to see that you are everything. Then you begin to investigate what this everything is and you see that it's endless surfaces of reality that are hiding the nothingness that underlies it. But these are all metaphors, so I don't really know what to tell you. Sit down and just realize that everything that you ever perceived is yourself. That is true. Because how could you perceive something that is not yourself? it's not possible. Realize that you were never born then, because if you once did not exist you could have never come into existence in the first place. The one who would've done that then would be you now. But how can that be if you once did not exist? Then realize that everything you know happens in one still moment. That there only is this one still moment that pervades all your experience. Just realize that right now. Then realize that in that one still moment, everything happens. Realize that even you perceiving this one still moment happens in it. Realize, that the forms in that one still moment always change. Then look at that. What is color actually? What is sound? How can you tell the difference between sound and no sound? What is that? Where is this coming from? And then just realize that all of these are endless surfaces coming out of nothing. And that nothing underlies all these surfaces and that you really are that. That's basically a direct route to your awakening. One of them. Hope, that helps.

No, the relationship to my studies did not change but the performance went down a little bit. Not drastically, but it did. Simply, because I was very neurotic about it before and now it's on a healthy level. So, I see this as good because I'm not exhausting myself any more.

No, it's mostly the same. I think less about spirituality, though. I used to think about this all day long, now it's mostly gone. Because I embody and feel it on a very bodily, sensational level. So it kind of went from the head to the body. That changed. But maybe that's a phase, too. It probably is. I don't care that much about myself any more, that changed. In the sense of how I look and behave. I used to be very strict with myself, I don't see a reason for that any more. If you are on the trajectory that you want to be on in life, there is no reason to be extra strict with yourself. Relax, it's a ride not a race. There is nowhere to get to any way. Every suffering can be easily lowered, if you just cut yourself some slack. But that needs practice. I still love my studies, still move being out with my friends having fun. Even more so. I still like to be involved in dating and that whole game. I love having conversations with people and just fucking around. I think I got more sarcastic with time, but everything is still fresh. We'll see.

Yeah, that in an permanent fashion is called awakening. My sense of self disappeared. That's why I made this post. I've answered the question how I see myself in others in this thread. If you search through the pages, you'll find it. I think this answers your question quite well.

Yes. I do not support any spiritual practice that will inherently lead to the physical death of the body. In my opinion that is insane and unnecessary. Your body will die anyway, why not enjoy this form and have a good time?

I'd like that. Go for it!

I don't entertain such ideas. I've gotta a message a few days ago from someone who asked why we just don't kill ourselves to be infinity and enlightened and what not. If I read shit like that on the forum I get angry and sad at the same. Because these kind of people seem to not have listened and thought for themselves for one second. So please.

Nope. Still the same thing. My life purpose has to do with that to a degree. I've talked about it on this thread in another post. I still work for the dark side, though. Yeah, I do it through programming. That's my art. Yeah, computer science. I'm studying this. Not necessarily, no. I'd like to be an expert in my field and through that might come being famous to a degree. That's cool. But independent of what I do and love, I don't wanna be famous, no. Yeah, I don't do it for the money. I love my field. It's nice that it pays well, though. That allows me to do even more cool shit. Consciousness work is cool and fine, but you need a balance to that. That's your life purpose. Also, I don't just do consciousness work or just life purpose. I live by principals (my consciousness work) that include certain practices and ways of doing my shit (life purpose and other stuff).

Have you ever melted in an experience? Did you ever look at a girl that you thought was so beautiful that you couldn't listen to what she said but you were just melted in the experience of seeing her? Have you ever been drawn into a fascinating story or movie in which you became part of the story? It's like that. Yeah, it's possible to become what I sense. Mainly because there is no muscular tension in the head or gut that attaches the "I"-feeling to it. You can do that if you take an experience you are currently having and dig into the nature of its reality. Try to get what is happening when you see or hear. What is it made out of? Get it on an experiential level and stay with it. Then you'll melt in it.

Yes, that's a thing that becomes obvious through the release of the self-image. However, I'd guess that this needs time to really sink in. It's one thing to realize that and another to fully embody it in everything you do. Right now, this is all fresh. It's like sitting in a new car that you never drove. You need your time to get used to it.

When you don't ask that question any more. There is a big difference in having enlightenment experiences and being rooted in an integrated state of being and a recognition of what I call source.

@art, haha. I think Azrael is a good fit.

That's an interesting question. Basically it feels like this. In the normal egoic state of un-integrated consciousness a great deal of energy is used to keep this ball of a self-image going. And also that awareness attaches to it. Because of that, when you see someone else it's completely clear that she is someone else, because the attachment is so focused on your own ball of self-image. It seems trivial. When the attachment to the ball and the ball itself mostly dissolves there is nothing going on in you any more. The normal state of being is not focused in any way. It's empty. Thoughts maybe happening, emotions maybe happening but there is no one to make something out of that. There is simply no one there. It's like a still ocean. As energy spontaneously forms a certain situation - like you are in a conversation with someone or you have a very deep thought story - awareness now perceives this dualistic situation and can normally function in it. You can have a completely normal talk with someone, be in that dualistic state and then as you leave the situation you fall back into emptiness. Into non-centered awareness. You are just not there then any more. It's hard do describe. Then maybe a thought story comes up and intensifies and you suddenly are back in this dualistic situation. This is even happening to you because the "ego" is not perfect in holding itself up as this permanent thing. If you pay close attention, you come and go all of the time. When the ego integrates, you are gone until something pops up but there is no ball of self-image that is kept up all the time. It's like a ocean in that waves can manifest. Small ones are not noticed but as they form into a big one, awareness will focus on that. The normal ocean of egocentric consciousness is always wavy and through that you think you are actually the wave, not the ocean. Also, I can see very clearly that everything I perceive is a surface. It's like you could cut through reality and there would be endless nothingness underneath it. It's that thick. And because I see that I - my body - am just the same surface as the other stuff, it doesn't feel essentially different. Very interesting is being in a conversation with others. I'm fascinated by the eyes. Especially how they move when the person thinks. If you look very closely, you can see all the waves in their heads. All the resistance. All the attachment.

@Leo Gura, they have a golden aura now around them. I also hover now instead of going. But, you know how it is ...

1) No. In my experience that needs way longer then awakening the mind / gut. I would think that the awakening of the heart comes as an integration of the awakening of the mind and body after some time. But we'll see. 2) I have no relationship to my thoughts any more. That's the point. Normally, you have this little ball of resistance in your head that you call you. This thing has a relationship to all the thoughts. Also, you have a little ball of resistance in your abdomen / gut. This poor little thing has a relationship to your feelings and sensations. When you awaken these balls of chronic muscular tension release, through that the attachment to these balls release and through that the dualistic relationship to your thoughts and feelings goes away. That basically means that no one is "looking into my thoughts any more" to "listen to them" but they listen to themselves when needed or just do their thing. The volume of my thoughts in general went down a lot and I tend to act from intuition a lot more then from thoughts. I'll have instantaneous "ahas" to go to the toilet now, to do this then, to do that then. It doesn't need the thought "I gotta pee" any more. I love my thoughts. I could've never guessed that I'll ever write this, but I do. My thoughts are completely crazy ... still ... and they make themselves laugh all the time. I still get fascinated with stuff if I want to and I can still fall into the deepest thought dreams like a little child. Maybe even more so now. But there is no element of fighting that any more. This is thing has integrated.

You can refute that statement with 30mg of 5-MeO-DMT up your nostrils. I challenge you.

The best practice by far is 5-MeO-DMT. If you are able to do it often enough, enlightenment will definitely come. The question is: Are you man enough? Strong determination sitting is a very powerful meditation. I think it helped a lot. So yeah, go do that. And no, I didn't use SDS with 5-MeO-DMT. If I do MeO, I sit on my couch and try not to cross any limbs. You wanna be as relaxed and open as you can be in that situation + there is nothing you would want to add to the 5-MeO-DMT experience. It's enough by itself.

I tend to not fall in love so quickly any more. As I said in the post I can get fascinated with stuff pretty quickly. Well, that's a fucking no-no if you wanna date a girl if you drown in feelings too early. This went away or lowered a good amount. Haven't been in a real love-state for a bit now but I would guess that it is even nicer now. But I can't tell yet. I'll let you know.

Let's define suffering first before I answer the question. "Suffering is the resistance of an intense emotion." In that sense, I do not suffer any more in most normal cases, that would include how I normally feel throughout the day, how I feel if something happens, etc. I still feel positive / negative emotions but I tend to not hold on to them any more. They just go through me because the "suit" is off. However, there are still limitations to that. If I would sit for long enough in strong determination sitting, I think I would suffer. I don't know, haven't tried it yet. There are probably a few very intense other things that could trigger that naturally like getting stabbed or tortured. You'd need a lot more training for that. But these are a few exceptions. In most cases if I am subjected to a "negative experience", the mind will sing its song about it for a moment and there will be no reaction in the body to that. And then a moment later the mind realizes that and stops and sometimes laughs because it's so funny. It's like there is a natural sarcasm through that in most of what I do, just a little bit. It's like you would have a dramatic scene in the television with very uplifting nice music. It just doesn't sells that good any more and through that you don't attach to it in any negative sense which then implicates that it doesn't bother you. I think though that this is still a phase and that the mind will shut down even more over the next weeks and months because there is no emotional reaction happening any more. It just needs time. Old patterns seem to stay and need time to change. But it's totally fine. I don't care at all about this any more. If I had to describe my emotional state it feels like "laying in your own bed the first time after a 21 year long vacation far away from home."

Cool questions, @WaveInTheOcean! 1) I sit in the Burmese posture. I trained to sit in that posture and now it's very comfortable. 2) I don't decide any more. When I started with HoloSync I had my eyes closed. Now, I sometimes have them open, sometimes closed. If you wanna stick to the HoloSync advice, close them. It's recommended. If you do "Do-Nothing" long enough, it'll decide for you. I like to have my eyes open though because in my opinion it's even more "doing nothing" because you do not get into dream states and what not. But that came with time and practice. When I sit down these days and meditate, it's all about the fact that I'm sitting and nothing else. 3) Yeah, I have a home workout that I do from Mo-Fr (if I don't cheat - I sometimes do). It's just some exercises like push-ups etc. Nothing fancy. Just to have a little bit exercise in my life because I do so much mental shit with my work and studies. I run sometimes as well. But I really have to push myself to do this, I'm not your natural sports fan. 4) "I use my ability to understand numerous realities, to expand the consciousness of others." That's the abstract formulation of my life purpose. It includes the thing that I'm a master in "understand numerous realities/opinions/ways of living/..." and the thing that I wanna do with it "expand the consciousness of others". The specific application is computer science. I'm doing my studies right now and wanna get into AI / natural language processing / big data analysis. What I'll specifically be doing with that - the future will show. Right now, I'm mostly concerned with educating myself in that. But in the end, I'd like to build my own project (probably when I move to Vancouver after my studies) and connect consciousness work with this. I would love that. 5) Oh man, there are so many. My all time favourites (I can speak them simultaneously as he talks) are Sudden Enlightenment Nature of God Outwitting the Devil I've heard every one of those probably 20-30 times at least. I was a big groupie for like 1,5 years. I even got a picture of him in my corridor. It's the first thing you see if you enter my apartment and his look says more then every lecture I've heard. 6) No. I experimented with vitamins, 5-HTP and fish oil. But I'm not sure yet whether I'll do this more consistently. But I don't do any medications at all, just if I would be seriously injured, but I never was. I don't think highly of common medications. But that's another topic ... 7) No, just a few quick things with girls. Especially in my "purging year" I would've not been able to have a good relationship. You first have to be good with yourself to have a good intimate relationship with someone you are in love with (at least in my experience). But I'm looking into dating right now quite a bit for the last few weeks and months. 8) No, I tend to always sleep like a baby. But I dreamed a lot. I had 7-8 months in which I dreamed very vividly on a daily basis and it felt like hours of that. No joke. Was intense. Now I dream like 4-5 out of 7 days a week, which (for me) is more normal. I remember most of my dreams, they are all crazy and I can see how I process my daily shit in them.

It's recognition of who you are. It's something that is present in every situation you are in. When you are awake, asleep, dead and alive. And through that and in that does the surface of what you call you appear. You have "recognized" through belief and mis-information that you are a subset of the surface of reality - you call your body. Well, if you get rid of that belief, you can recognize where this shit is coming from and that you are that. You can not know it in it's entirety - meaning that you can understand it intellectually because your intellect is a subset of it - but you can very well recognize and dive in it.

Yeah, true to a degree. If you resist like a little girl and just don't want it to happen, you'll shoot yourself in the foot. But in my experience if you want to surrender and you are just not sure whether you are ready for it, it'll be enough. Especially with a high enough dose. It'll just take you. So, don't get caught up in "Am I ready to surrender?". If you ask that question, you probably are to the degree a human can ever be ready for that. Every 5-MeO-DMT-trip I do, it's still a huge challenge. I just oon't think about it any more and just do it and focus on being relaxed and thinking about someone I love. The rest is done by it.