Persipnei

Something weird thing is happening to me the last few months and I'd love some thoughts and ideas. Most evenings before I fall asleep and sometimes just in the middle of the day, my conciousness seems to disconnect from my body. I am completely aware of me, but the world seizes to exist. It's really pleasant, and am grateful that it happens, but every friggin' time after a few seconds/minutes my brain interferes, I get a "shit, I'm dying" panic feeling and I snap out of it while taking a big breath in. Meditation leads to the same result, especially in longer sittings. I know that I'm not panicking because it's me dying, it's about leaving my kid behind. I'd love to get over this, and have no idea how. This forum has helped me a couple of times already when I am in need of new input, so feel free to share anything that comes up. I appreciate it greatly!

I let it happen for multiple months, but it's a bit frustrating that it always ends in the same way. I try to let go, but the frustration steers me in the opposite direction. Not sure if life is telling me I have to focus on this or just the other way round.

I also had an aversion to the word and the practice of "prayer" because of my childhood's interaction with Christianity. Nowadays I do pray. Not because God/Source demands it. Not to ask for stuff. Praying for me is to acknowledge that God/Source is all that is. No judgement or ideology, just pure awe for the Greatness of Creation, and realizing that it's YOU!

It seems it happened spontaneously. He came here with a mission and woke up when it was time to do so. Since he is not a fan of psychedelics I can't imagine he "got there" that way. Not that it is in any way important. His way is not yours. His triggers are not yours. Time is a weird beast, especially during mystical experiences. Sometimes they feel like an eternity happening in a few seconds, sometimes it takes an hour or two to experience a short blissful moment.

Don't want to be that guy, but Leo also has an ego and a lot of his video's are highly subjective because of that. Not denouncing the value of his video's, by the way. There is a lot of valuable information he shares, but it is still translated to concepts and the ego loooooves concepts to play with.

I feel this thread is a perfect example of how a spiritual experience deludes the ego. An awakening is a moment of clarity that can give you insights, but if you try to understand it with learned limited concepts, you quickly create an ego concept around it. I'd dare to say that when you think you got "enlightened" or "awakened", it didn't happen. I experience these spiritual ego thought patterns every time after the initial awe of an experience has waned a bit. It's like the moment the imprint of an experience is not strong enough to overcome your ego, it gets highjacked by the ego and you start to think you "are there", but it's actually the moment you start thinking this that you lose it. Enlightenment also isn't a binary thing. An awakening is not enlightenment, but can be a step towards it. It's not something you "reach", but something that slowly becomes more and more part of your being. You are expecting the world to change around you, but that's not how it works. Your perception changes, and you will attract people of your new vibe (people that are on the same or complementary part of "the way"), where people who don't meet your vibe (those who think you are a nutcase or who are stuck in concepts you got over) will disappear from your life. Your parents will not change because you have changed, BUT if you interact different with them that could trigger an insight in them so that they DO start to change.

In my experience, people don't change because you had an awakening. What does change is your perception and reaction to their behavior. People who don't resonate will slowly drop out of your life and you will meet others that meet your new "vibe".

I used all kind of products during my 20s and 30s, and although drugs like acid and dimitri can be a wake up call they are not a path to enlightenment. A lot of people get into an ego trip after tripping hard, and Frank Yang, although he seems like an honest guy, also seems completely trapped in his ego-mind. Personally I stopped watching Leo's video's after he claimed 5meo was "the way" and that nobody can ever get to that state by natural means. This is off course completely wrong and even dangerous for less stable people. It's been 10+ years since I last took something stronger than Cannabis, and I experience the world like I'm on a light acid trip nowadays. The experience is not important, it just acts as a reminder that reality is indeed a wonderful dream..

It's not punishment, it's a reminder that you are not loving unconditionally.

Stating there is past and future is also inaccurate. Actually... stating anything is inaccurate. More practical: We created a concept of linear time, but it is nothing more than a tool to order experiences in a way that our brain can handle them. The Big Bang, heat death of the Universe and everything in between (and before and after) happens now.

Suffering is the consequence of attachment to a concept you identify with that is not aligned with the Divine Plan. It's a reminder you are rowing against the current of life. Absolute love is embracing the Divine Plan without having any judgement even if your preference is opposed to it.

When I talk with other people about consciousness, I tend to start crying when pronouncing Truths. It is always prefaced by a big opening/widening in perception, bordering ego death, my voice drops a few tones lower and then I say something I don't always understand myself at the time of pronouncing it, and I start crying. I guess this happens because it resonates 100% with (my) Truth and it is crying from ecstasy, but that is probably a subjective explanation. I'm planning to start speaking in public soon, and I could do with less crying before them :-D Do you recognize this? Does this happen to you too? I'm interested in your experiences and explanations.

This touches me. A lot. Thank you.

I guess it's the profoundness that triggers the tears. Yeah, good advice. I also have to admit that none of the people I talked/cried to, reacted aversely to the crying, maybe it's just part of the message.

I'm a 40 year old guy diagnosed with high functioning autism and did a lot of "the work" in the last months. I understand that a big way of how we experience the world is how our brain is wired at birth and then influenced by experiences during our life. My brain was wired a bit different than the "neurotypicals", makes me extremely competent in some area's and a complete disaster in others. I fixed most of the problems I had in life, once I understood what the problem was and learn more every day about my/the-self. I re- and un-wired a lot of concepts in my brain that were wired wrong during my life. But whatever I tried, I don't seem to find a way to rewire the autistic part. I always had a lot of trouble with stimulus and go into a shutdown mode for quite a while when it gets too much. Doing "the work" I would argue that shutdowns happen faster. I was already highly sensitive before, and I'm way more sensitive now. Positive is that the time I need to recupperate after one is shorter, mostly due to meditation. I try to evade situation with lots of stimulus, but keep looking for a way to overcome this. So... any thoughts on this? Can your spiritual journey lift you above the physical wiring of your brain? Tips, experiences, ... ? I would like to ask to refrain with answers like: "it's all ego, it isn't real". I'm starting to understand that, yes, but it's not a very practical tip. Inshallah, we get there one day, but until then...

It really feels good that you find my post helpful. Aspies like to be helpful, even if it looks like we are not interested I'm not counting in neurotypicals understanding the autistic brain. It must be weird expecting all those social things like eyecontact, body language, sentences longer than a few words... And I completely understand that people think I'm retarded because of that (I have an IQ of 130, by the way), but what they don't realize is that in my eyes, they seem so foolish to do all those things. What a waste of energy! The only thing I found very annoying until the last months, is if somebody forgot what he said or promised 7 years ago. I can tell you what you were wearing that day, but you don't even remember the big lines of our conversation that I put all my energy in to get somewhere? Most friends I ever had dropped me without ever telling me why. Are we really that annoying to be with?

Probably exactly the same as what happens now.

Do you mean I shouldn't judge and accept that it just is how it is? Or do you mean this happens because I judge/evade? I wonder why I created this in the first place . Sometimes I feel like I'm still in shock from getting born.

It's emotional and reaction to stimulus. I give you an example: Communication by language is processed very slowly in my brain and any input that comes in before the previous is not processed feels like an attack. This is a while ago, but so typical for how it works. An ex-boss asked me a question a long time ago, just moments after somebody had made a remark that I hadn't yet fully processed. Since I was still processing the remark, every word he said felt like a needle, more input to be solved, to be put in the queue. When he was finished, he waited for an answer. I was still processing the remark from before. Because I didn't react, he put his hand on my shoulder, probably because he was worried. I jumped on him, hit him twice and ran away, only realizing what happend about 15 minutes later. It's not that I think I can't handle it, but the inability to interact in that state. Like there is some kind of barrier between me and the world and the instrument I need to cross the barrier is offline. I wish I could explain it better. I don't see my "condition" as something bad. I had hard times because I tried to be like everyone else, but since I understand why I'm like this, and am more truthful to myself, it's not bad at all. I know I have some area's in life where I will never excel in, but yeah, I have some superpowers too Thing is, I never really had desires. I indulged myself in a lot of ego behavior, but I always did it because I copied from others, and have quit most of them. I am the most happy when nothing happens at all, hah. Being around people will never be easy. Even with my son and now ex-wife (but still my best friend) non functional communication is a lot of work. It's a bit tragic to not be able to communicate your own kid, maybe the only thing that is really sad about the whole situation, but I do what I can. Edit: I worked 45 mins on this post. This shows the speed of my communicative abilities!

There are quite a few ashrams where no doctrine is pushed, but afaik all expect some monetary and/or help/servitude as a payment for your stay. That is not because they are greedy, but because growth is not only receiving what you need, but also giving what you can give. Meditation 24/7 will only do so much. You should be willing to serve 24/7. I don't want to be rude, but servitude encourages growth way more. My tip would be: search for a place where you can work in a garden/field/traditional farm. With some experience, you can (semi-)meditate while working. You are in contact with the Earth, the best grounder of all and in direct connection with nature.

Maybe it's not bad if I elaborated a bit on how I experience a shutdown. There is almost no brain activity, sometimes days in a row. It actually feels very deep and meaningful, and at the same time it's the epitome of disconnection. Personally I have no problem with my own shutdowns, but it makes it very hard to interact with the world. That is why I want to overcome it.

Yesterday I read a bit about Gurdjieff and his Stop method. He tended to let his pupils work and when he yelled "Stop", they had to stop everything, from movement to thoughts. Since my mind keeps wondering off out of meditation, I'd like to try something with this, in the hope that I can train my mind to shut off and be present more easily. I saw someone mention this method in another thread, but since it wasn't really about this method, I decided to make a new one. Anyone has used this method? Do you walk around with an alarm? Do you use another trigger (my neighbour has a horse, I could use it's snickering as a trigger)? Any ideas are welcome!

So last week, I gave this one a wake up call. This whole life makes sense now, and has changed for the better day by day. Emotions, thoughts, ego uprisings, ... I see them quicker and quicker and the reactions to it are getting more in line with Love. I know it's a long road ahead, but having seen a piece of the map, I'm very willing to take it. My biggest problem seems to be my cannabis addiction. I was quite concious when I was a kid, but things turned ugly when I became a teenager. I always did good to others because I felt like doing it, but I lacked self-love and started smoking. With the ups and downs that came in live, so went my usage up and down. So it's clearly what I have used all those years to fill the void. The last few years I got it "under control", but would like to stop it completely. At this point though, it seems I'm not yet ready to do, my ego is stronger than my will in this... I guess my question is: I see the origin of the trouble, I see the symptom, where do I get the power to not fall back into ego when I start craving. The attachment for this one is real... well... feels real :-)

Notice the question mark, it's not a statement. It's my personal experience after something clicked when I was reading the Bhagavad Gita. I only recently can give it a name, but I've been on the Jnana path for a long time.My ego got totally in the way, though, for ages. Recent events and experiences have changed me a lot and while reading the Bhagavad Gita I realised I am doing way more Karma yoga now (making the "correct" choice, doing the "correct" action). I was always a rational man and it took me a long time to accept the possibility of something bigger than materialism, but since I did I can see God/Shiva/"..." more and more in everything. Today I realised those moments feel like a heart opening ... calling. Once you understand the divine, how can you not be devoted to it! I can see myself actually making an altar and for me that is very, very weird. I suppose the people on this forum are on the Jnana and/or Karma path, since that's mostly what Leo's channel is about. I wonder if any of you had the same conclusion: If you dig deep enough, the moment comes where you will start behaving according to Dharma "because ... duh" and if you want it or not, you are gonna throw yourself in the mud before the eyes of the One.

If he gets an experience he might ditch his "atheism" faster than he can say "Jesus, Maria, Joseph"... After quitting the Catholic church in my teenies, I became atheist for life. It turned out it was only until my 40's...