Extreme Z7

@dude Thanks, I'm also committed to updating the blog on new progress every Sunday or any day when I find it necessary. However, I may talk about the game on this journal on a daily basis. Also don't worry about the price. I'm thinking it's going to be somewhere around 5$ if not cheaper.

@Electron Reminds me when I had my first existential panic. Instead of trying to find validation to my current worldview, I instead acknowledged my ignorance and searched "What is Happiness?" on YouTube. Leo's content followed and months later, here I am! @Salaam I do like what you said about feeling like you already know everything and how that attitude makes you stuck in life. I've encountered that kind of thinking in other people before especially among older folk. I've seen it in myself too. I think practicality and putting your feet to the fire of reality is one of the best ways to rid of the illusion. Quieting the ego helps as well so meditation and mindfulness can be helpful too.

<07-05-16> Focusing On A Single Goal Oh whoops! It looks like I missed yesterday's journal entry. Sorry, this time it was just pure forgetfulness on my part. Anyway, lately I've been getting close to finishing a huge part of my college work and I've been allocating a huge part of my free time to getting back to my indie game work. I didn't think I would get back to working on my indie game until August but I've changed my mind and here I am now! I've been working a bit on making some art for the game rather than programming obstacles which I've been doing for a very long time. Screenshot! It's really really tough making this game as a single developer but thankfully, I've been learning so much that it's simply worth it. Anyway, I've sacrificed quite a bit of mindful attention in order to spend more time working on the game which isn't good at all. I actually end up being less productive when I feel I lose awareness of what's going on. I end up testing the game too much, working too little. Anyway, I've been wanting to continue reading Shinzen Young's free e-book "The Five Ways". I don't really have much else to talk about today. See ya'!

This is the first thing that comes to my mind after reading this:

@Spacious It's usually the case that the people who need it the most will be the most closed-minded about it. That's why it's so easy for us to fall into the trap of helping them. It's a sad irony.

<07-03-16> Okay, Now Personal Development Is Getting Interesting Leo's newest video was just so mind-blowing to me. I can't even begin to describe just how much I realized how naive I currently am at pursuing business (which, by the way, is for me directly connected to life purpose). Basically, the indie game that I'm working on counts as me taking my first steps into starting a business. But I've been going through it the wrong way, from the very beginning, I was already committing the first mistake that Leo mentioned which is focusing too much in the dream and not giving 2 shits on how I'm going to realistically get people to play my game let alone BUY it. So anyway, I've decided to do some research on game development marketing and I've decided a good way to start is to start writing a game development blog. It's not supposed to attract anyone to get interested in my game but its a good start for creating marketing content. I've changed my blog name to "Extreme Game Dev" though, now the new blog URL is extremegamedev.blogspot.com In other news, I discovered this free 180+ paged e-book on basic mindfulness work and I just feel like this is going to be another one of those books that will change my life in a very practical way just like P.D. Ouspensky's "Psychology and the Study of Man's Possible Evolution" did. Credit to @Phrae for recommending this e-book. (Actually, he was recommending it to someone else and I just so happened to notice it)

@uberman Damn, this forum is attracting more people with higher commitment and high-quality lifestyles than I thought. I'll definitely be following your journal dude, I find that it helps me as well. You've given more useful information in one post than I usually do in a week! Also, thanks to @Phrae for referencing that free spirituality e-book.

@actualized1 Those 7 values are great and helpful to really stay focused on personal growth but be sure to be weary of the negative side. Gluttony Lust Greed Pride Wrath Vanity Sloth The Seven Deadly Sins. . . dun dun duuuuuuuuun!

@Lee "Yap yap yap yap yap" All that matters is that you want it and you will do anything for it. That's why you're spending lots of money to be around people that help you achieve your life purpose, I could only dream of having that kind of luxury. I have kind of the same dream as you do. I want to be a cartoonist. But most of the time, I spend time alone and I spend hours working on college projects to complete a college major that I don't even really want but have to get in order to survive in this society. Don't obsess over your deficiencies, cherish what you have because not everyone else pursuing that same goal has it. If you're still having trouble dealing with your psychological issues, the advice from the video below should help.

You need emotional support more than you're going to need a logical strategy. If you feel within your being that art is something that makes you happy, then you will basically attract anything you need to make it happen. This is Law of Attraction talk though, don't take it literally.

<07-02-16> Oh Boy, I Need A Break Work Work Work Work Work Hobbies Hobbies Hobbies Hobbies Hobbies. . . I've been planning to take a break this Sunday. The greater self-work is going to be in enjoying the present moment and I do not want to waste too much of my days unconsciously "doing". If you've read my post on June 28, you know that I'm currently staying at a different city than where I normally live and a new environment means new possibilities for observation. I don't have a lot of money with me though and I'm only going to limit myself to going to a mall (which pretty much means that I'm not going to buy anything). This is a mall I've never been to yet though but basically, I just feel excited at feeling liberated in a new environment even for just one day. I'm going to be practicing mindfulness, this is a mall so inevitably, ego desires are going to arise. "Buy this thing, Buy that thing, Watch This Movie, etc." It's going to be tricky to remain completely present and non-judgmental about the experience. Also, thanks to @Anna Konstantaki for linking to this article in her journal. It's quite the read. P.S. I might fool around in the arcade though. But not too much.

That's all the wisdom you need in life. It's always refreshing to see someone with that kind of mindset.

Think of a dead chimp. . . Apologies for the dark humor if you're not into that sort of stuff.

@Mal LOL, I guess it was just my own mental projection, though. I watch a lot of cartoons. I mean look at my profile picture which I drew myself, it's a freakin' cartoon.

@Katiee I'm not in a position to know that for sure yet. I'm pretty early in my personal development journey. I would really like to see how it would be like in my life, though. That's why I keep my. . . dare I say "faith".

@Katiee Word of warning though, personal development gets more and more challenging the further you progress. But that isn't much of an issue because you become more and more tolerant to the costs, I guess.

@Mal I guess that would be how a low-consciousness individual doing personal development would react to a low-consciousness individual who isn't doing it. Although your example is quite cartoonish.

Rich inner life, because this is the Actualized.org forum, what do you expect?

<07-01-16> Distraction vs. Willpower Recently, I've become very mindful of how the activities I engage in for enjoyment, specifically easy activities like gaming or browsing the web, affects my mind and my overall performance for the day. Just a few minutes ago, I got this craving to go browse my deviantArt watch notifications for "a few minutes" before I immediately closed the tab because I was aware of how it would affect my performance on some other task I want to complete for the day, namely writing this journal entry then turning off my laptop to finish a drawing in my sketchbook that I started this morning. I still keep getting the urge to procrastinate though but I have a much stronger willpower than I used to have. Looks like that meditation habit is starting to kick in now in subtle ways. I don't really have much else to write about today but I really want to reflect upon the history of my drawing skills. I've recently had a big rise in my drawing skills in the past week. Part of me wants to feel really ecstatic about this but even though I'm not, it still feels like a big accomplishment. I know my artwork still does not even compare to even the standard run-of-the-mill deviantArt but if my past 15 year old self were to see my drawing skills now, it would be unbelievable to him. I way too psychologically undeveloped back then and the problem was not that I sucked at drawing, it was that I was too emotionally immature to even embark on such a journey. Right now, I'm still having problems emotionally, I still have trouble trying to feel happy about my life, I have problems with stress and anxiety but all these are just problems in my current self-development stage. That's all for today, hopefully I can complete this new drawing/sketch tomorrow. bye-de-bye!

@mystic Have you ever had a strong mediation experience? I mean a REALLY STRONG and DIFFICULT meditation session. Where your ego feels like its being pushed to its limits and you imagine banging your head on the wall. But yet still manage to sit it through even for an hour. That's how we're sure.

<06-30-16> Guess Who's Finally Gotten Some MotherEffin' Wi-Fi? Yeah, I've been internet deprived for the past few days after moving to a new residence that's close to my internship workplace. You know what the funny thing is? As much as I suffered some withdrawal symptoms after not having internet connectivity, now that I have internet, I actually don't even feel like I need to use the internet, at least for entertainment. I mean that will probably change in a few days but for now, all I want is to lay down in my comfy little bed and read an e-book. Anyway, I'm may not go back to writing my journal entries in list form. They were making my everyday journal habit a lot easier and also a lot less creative. Speaking of creative, I had quite a bit of time to draw and I just uploaded a new drawing to my dA account: That's all for today. P.S. Meditation Status: June 28 - 1 hour meditation in 2 half-hour sessions. June 29 - 2 hour meditation in 2 one-hour long sessions. Felt pretty good after the second one. Today - One very difficult 1 hour long sit that required a lot of mindfulness and willpower. My ego was pushed to its limits.

<06-27-16> I'm Leaving Town For An Internship Tomorrow I don't usually want to talk about my personal life aside from my goals and what I did for the day to try to get them. I don't want to talk about that today. Today, I just want to let you to know that I've taken a practicum college course that requires me to take an internship at a certain I.T. company. My chosen company just so happens to be in a different city from where I live. I'm leaving for the Cebu City, the city where the company is located, tomorrow and the company requires that take a qualifying exam on Wednesday. If I don't pass this exam, I cannot take an internship this year and I have to drop the course. I feel kind of nervous and slightly anxious but also quite calm and confident inside. Wish me luck.

@edavis79 Oh, well uh. . . . good for you, I guess.

<06-26-16> Dealing With Lack Of Results *This entry is simply going to be one big reference to Leo's latest video, "Be Fucking Patient!"* College Work I've been spending the majority of my waking hours for the past week, working on a web development school project. I may be a little bit frustrated that I may not finish on time. It's simply important that I don't give up and be patient. Even if I don't get to finish on time, at least I learned a lot from working on it, knowledge that I could still potentially use to benefit myself in the future. Entertainment Two Bob's Burgers Episodes and a Rick and Morty episode, yum yum. Plus, I'm going to play a flash game after writing this as desert. Indie Game Project I didn't work on this today but I still want to mention it. Leo's latest video made me think about my indie game a lot. It made me re-think a lot of my expectations about it, particularly with how long the project is going to take. When I tried to think and be strategic, I saw that this game is going to a lot more significant that I first imagined. Which means that I'm going to have to dedicate a lot more time and emotional labor to make the vision I have for this game come true. I can't even begin to describe in this journal just how much I think this game is going to impact my life. Drawing I drew some basic shapes and watched a few videos and carefully followed the instructions and tried to follow them accurately. I'll be honest, I would have never thought I would ever take drawing seriously on a "life purpose" level. I can't help but get the feeling that me starting my new drawing habit is very similar to when I first started meditating. That's because it probably is. Looking back when I first started meditation, I was terrible at it and I expected instant results. I remember the first time I meditated and I just wanted immediate relief from my emotional pains. Now I can't help but notice that as I'm drawing, I subconsciously want my drawing practice to have instant results which is just as unrealistic. If that's the case then the mindsets I've installed to keep myself on track on meditating may also work on drawing. I don't know but I'll give it a shot. I can't help but get the gut feeling that by doing this, I'm going to discover a whole new reality I've never even dreamed was possible. Just like, meditation. Reading Not Much Music/Sound Design Nothing Meditation and Awareness I wanted to meditate for 2 hours today but I only ended up having time for 1 hour. That's actually still pretty good, as long as I did it, it still counts. Just have to keep that grind and keep applying that good 'ol 'patience salve' to any 'impatience or frustration' that I have to keep myself on track.