GaiaGoddess

All I keep coming back to is the fear of not wanting to live a normal boring life like everyone else. My parents both lived lives like this, that could be where it comes from, but I still don't feel right calling that a fear, I just call it learning a lesson in life to live in a way that you are happy with. It's the same reason why all of us are here in Leo's group. So I could ask everyone else in here, why are you motivated to live a self actualized life? The more I think about it, the more it feels positive to me, even though in the course it was almost like we were directed to find negative motivations. I mean when it comes down to it, the reason that anyone does anything in life is to avoid pain of some kind (starvation, homelessness, illness, etc.) We're always striving to avoid negative outcomes no matter what, it's just human nature.

Thanks for your replies!! I am not giving up, of course, and that sounds more accurate anyway, about it being a positive not a negative.

I was making it through the course very smoothly until now, and i'm at an impasse and don't know if this will affect my ability to proceed. I am on Video #52 where you do the guided meditation to find the trauma that created your fears that are causing your negatively motivated values. My theme of negatively motivated values is stuff like "fear of not growing, fear of not living an actualized life, fear of being tied down by a normal life with a normal job taking up all my time, fear of not having freedom", etc. I don't think these fears are bad and they also weren't caused by any trauma. The guided meditation was a dead end for me, in fact I never had these fears until very recently (and i'm 46 years old). they certainly didn't come from childhood trauma or anything related to my childhood. These fears are a result of finding out about awakening, enlightenment, personal development, etc.which only happened in the last 10 years of my life. Basically I don't want to have a normal job, live in one place my whole life, know the same people my whole life, visit the same places my whole life, and live like everyone else lives. So having a fear of that happening is not a fear I got from any trauma, therefore it doesn't feel right classifying it as a negatively motivated value. So it seems backwards to me to try to get rid of this negatively motivated value, and I dont even know if I can anyway since it's directly related to becoming self actualized.

I am in the same boat as you! I am 46 and still didn't know what my passion was! Until tonight. I am taking Leo's "Find your life purpose" course and i just had a breakthrough! I highly recommend you take it. I also want to travel, and need money to do it, but everything I tried wasn't working out. Now after meditating for a while and thinking about a few things he says in his course, my vision is clear now and I know what to do! Good luck and don't give up!

But isn't that why we are all in this forum? Because we believe in self actualization? I don't want to be with someone who doesn't think they can always improve, especially when they have many bad traits.

No I attract these men because I am willing to love them when no one else will. As I find out, there is a reason for that.

Maybe we do lack self discipline, I suspect that about myself as well. Maybe we are just perfectionistic hedonists, where we need things to be 100% enjoyable before we can do them.

Yes!! All of that! I get more excited learning what to do, researching it, and planning to start it, than I do actually doing it. and i don't think it's depression or lazyness that keeps me from enjoying doing things, I think it's exactly what you said in the last part, I don't feel like I have enough time to do and consume everything, so by commiting to something, I am shutting the door on everything else I want to do. This is why i wish i only had one hobby, one interest. I envy those people who eat, sleep and breathe whatever it is they do for a living. There are things in life that are that important to me too, but they aren't jobs, they are feelings I get from enjoying things I love in my free time. And the more i enjoy them, the less I want to think about work because work takes up 1/3 of your time (or more, sometimes) so work takes time away from being able to enjoy life!

That's never been a problem, I can love myself no matter how depressed I am at a job, that is why I quit jobs because I know I'm better than that. But it doesn't make my jobs get any easier.

I am sorry for the confusing quoting stuff happening, I am only responding to you Shin, for some reason it is doubling your response and it added a whole different quote that isn't even part of your post so I had to delete it, this forum is wierd with quotes! Anyway...I feel like I am already living my purpose outside of a job, it's really just the job part I need help with. Maybe I got confused about what the course was about, maybe it's just to find things you enjoy in life. But i don't need help with that, I full well know what my interests, hobbies, values, beliefs, and morals are. I just need to know what I should be doing to earn money.

I could commit to something that felt right to me, it's just that nothing feels right. Everything loses it's joy when it becomes work. I don't think I am meant to commit to anything. I was talking to a psychologist and my regular therapist about this and they both have said I should keep doing what I'm doing and just bounce around to different jobs all the time, only take temporary jobs, part time jobs, seasonal jobs, etc. I would be ok with that except finding a job I like is such a difficult task that I don't want to have to keep repeating it forever.

It isn't an issue of finding things I enjoy, I have TOO many, for that matter. My issue is that I want to enjoy them, not turn them into a job. But my favorite thing in life is not something I can turn into a job, and that's going to music festivals. But i dont want to work at them, a lot of people volunteer to get in for free and that would ruin the whole thing for me. I dont think I need a life purpose exactly, my problem has always been I need to know what job I should do.

Well then I know what my life's purpose is, it's to just enjoy the things i enjoy as much as possible. But that's only 1/3 of your life. 1/3 is sleeping, 1/3 is your free time, and the other 1/3 is working. I don't want to waste 1/3 of my life on something that I am forced to do that I don't enjoy.

Oh yeah I already know I'm a dabbler, actually there are several definitions of it, renaissance person, scanner, multipotentialite, there are several books about this, but we are told it isn't something to overcome, it's something to embrace. They NEVER suggest only mastering one skill or putting all your energy and time into one interest. We don't stop doing things because they frustrate us, we stop doing them so that we can do something else too. We like doing everything we do, we just can't narrow it down to just one thing forever.

This is me, as well!! I have been struggling with what I should do for a job/career for a decade now. When people say "what would you do if money was no object, if you could do anything?" My answer is always "Surf the internet, hang out with friends, go to music festivals, go out to eat, relax on the couch, etc." lol I enjoy my silence and solitude too, I need it almost every day. I also have no passion for solving problems or providing value, I just want to exist. We are human beings not human doings! I hope we can both find a way to make it in this world.