aklacor727

Finally found someone I REALLY like! And I am needing advice! Because unfortunately, I am not feeling pursued much. And I don’t know how to go about changing this dynamic. maybe I showed him that I liked him too much too early so he’s just like oh I don’t have to put much effort in because I know she likes me. I was very vocal about that on our first date (I literally told him he was the handsomest and best personality with anyone I ever went out with lol). BUT yea… when we’re together we click and I can tell he likes me too. But then just not a lot of texting, (hard for him to at work and i think maybe he’s a gamer so I know how that can suck ppl in). And our last “date” — we had plans for what day we were getting together but he didn’t set any time or place. When the day came I asked if we were still getting together (which I feel like I shouldn’t need to). And he was just like yea I’m still down for meeting up later. Ok great, but a time or place without me having to ask would be nice So idk, if I was a man pursuing a woman I would want to lock that down. What I ended up doing was going out with my friends and meeting up with him afterwards because I was annoyed about that and wasn’t going to wait around. I called him while I was there and that’s when we figured out plans. He wasn’t assertive then either really was just like whatever you feel like doing! He’s very laid back. soooo yea! Currently just being casual because that’s how he’s being. But also he wants sex and I don’t really feel comfortable till I am feeling more pursued by him and with how casual things have felt. (Met up with him 3 times so far, each time we’ve hung out at his place after going out and I spent the night). Prly should’ve waited for that too. thoughts and opinions please!!!!

@Emerald @flowboy UPDATE! Spiritually related and I know this is the dating section so just fyi if that type of stuff doesn’t interest no need to read! But figured maybe some people here would appreciate it Synchronicities/interesting timing, law of attraction, psychic predictions coming true, as well as going with the flow of what life is bringing me, I think has lead me to my ACTUAL future husband lol (hopefully maybe) I was referring to that guy as my future husband to my friends after the first date! I wanted to being that energy into the universe and I realized that it was more that he was just the exact type of guy I pictured myself with rather than any actual feelings yet. And now I’m thinking that scenario meant to happen as a learning experience for me to meet the right one? ?SO after I decided to move my focus elsewhere from that guy, I found a dating site that had the most type of men that are my type. And in my bio I described what I am a fan of personality wise. (Law of attraction) So THEN. I meet this guy, very much my type as well, ends up fitting the personality description great too. And now a little back story…. I saw a psychic that had a very good reputation back in my early 20s. She knew a lot of things but also predicted a lot of things and I do believe some psychics are legit. So check this out! she said she saw me marrying someone that his work had to do with houses or buildings. (This guy is a union plumber). Also having multiple properties, and she specifically mentioned Arizona and/or San Diego. (I had gone on a San Diego trip prior, and to this day it’s still one of my favorite places). I was JUST talking to someone about that like 3 days ago for the first time in ages. So he is from San Diego!!! (Synchronicity for sure.) I had no idea either until after I met him in person. He wants to move back there and has goals of flipping houses and having rental properties. I also am big into home renovations personally so that fits perfectly! There were other big things that fit what she said too but I don’t want to ramble on too long. All of this seems like too much to be a coincidence to me! So I will see how things progress but it’s feeling very positive! I have a little bit of butterflies and smile when I think about him, his love languages I very much like as well so we are off to a great start ?

@Average Investor So true. I never even thought about how it could come off that way. But in all honesty I was kinda trying to distract myself from the anxiousness of not hearing from him yet…and be able to have a fun night whether he canceled or not. He went out all night the night before and was still sleeping at 3:30pm. So yes I did think it was a little rude as well so there was a bit of what you described mixed in for sure lol and direct communication would have saved some frustration!

@flowboy I do want to say that. But he never responded to my last text a couple of days ago… so it would be really random, unless I initiate AGAIN.. yesterday I was anxious today it’s whatever, I’ve accepted it probably ended up just being a good learning experience. If he perceives it as me losing interest it’d only be because of his lack of effort so if he wants to regain my interest he’ll have to actually put some effort in. if for some reason we do talk again though that will absolutely be being said.

That sounds perfect. I feel better about this. It is what it is I’m happy to have had the experience either way. Look forward to checking out the channels ?

Well if nothing else this was a valuable learning experience. And now of course I’m thinking more after reading your comment. It’s weird how I diminish my worth like that to people. I do that all the time even not in dating scenarios. But I think partly it’s because i don’t want people to feel bad about themselves. like there were a few other things that could’ve made him look bad that happened. And made the next day a comment about how I was a little nervous this time. (It was v-day dinner date, so less casual I was a lil awkward not gonna lie lol). So I was trying to be a lil vulnerable to see how he responded, also if he was embarrassed about anything he’d know I wasn’t judging him about it if I said something like that. But yeah either way probably best not to do that anymore!

@Emerald well actually, let me ask your advice on this. It’s clear I need to take at least a step back, but I was just looking.. i have initiated almost every single convo. You think at that point just completely stop initiating and see if he does. If I just took a step back I would still text him in day a day or two something casually. Like a good song i found, we have similar tastes. Thoughts? Step back or completely just stop n see.

@Emerald definitely. That makes so much 1000% agree.. ugh. Welp, it’s only been 3 dates. Not even 2 weeks. Maybe it’s not to late . But I shall see if he reaches out. In the meantime I’m moving on assuming he won’t lol. If he does it’ll be a nice suprise. thank you ?❤️

@flowboy however… thinking about it more. yesterday our last text about our days I had just gotten to a bar to play pool with my friends. Maybe he just wanted to let me have my fun..? I feel that way when a guy I’m dating and it’s really early on, sometimes I feel like I’d be bugging him. He seems like he might be that way too. And with the controlling ex, told me it got to the point it was an issue just going out to dinner with his dad. So that’s why they broke up, and he could be intentionally trying to be extra chill bc he doesn’t want to come off like how she did . .idk, but hopefully it’s not that I ruined it. Lol

@flowboy Yeah… ? I hope I didn’t ruin it!! I was just so excited to play ping pong and get my tennis fix it had been forever ? our third date was when we ended up playing pool he was beating me some but I had to show him the right way to rack ? he did ask though I wasn’t going to say anything.. n it was just whatever kinda rules. Not trying to be all competitive or anything… but yea.. At this point I don’t even feel comfortable texting till I hear from him first… last convo was telling each other about our days and I haven’t heard back, which was midday yesterday. And that was literally our only text exchange yesterday. sigh lol. Well if I get to see him again or even have the opportunity to use this advice, thank you. ???

@meta_male well yes, I want him to. I can’t force anyone to do anything. I can just post in forums and get advice on the best way to handle situations, to where the outcome works out in my favor, which of course in this case is me wanting things to work out with him

@meta_male what games?

@Ulax @flowboy thank you, I will be watching that video that seems super helpful. and yes, definitely a priority!! I did spend a good 5 years in single hood doing all kinds of inner work, healing, etc, and have been dating again the past year. it’s still so hard for me to determine my attachment style. Kinda anxious I suppose or I wouldn’t be so concerned posting here lol. I also have avoidant tendencies because I’m quick to just move on from people. But, that could just be me being decisive too! But you’re right if I was fully secure/emotionally mature, I would just have full acceptance for however things are. And if I’m really self reflecting, I think it’s the unknown that makes me anxious. Tbh, the lack of texting mainly. Makes me worried he’s losing interest. And it’s not even that there’s actual *feelings* yet. I just really like who he is as a person, so kind, handsome, we have so much in common. I could see myself with him long term. That is a rarity for me! I’m 35 now and I’m just ready to be happy and settled with someone. I want control over the situation lol, I want it to work out! Anyway thank u for initiating my self reflecting, I need to rewatch Leo’s letting go video and get some practice in ? I actually really do like assertive men/masculine energy..My last long term relationship was like that and it was one of the things that attracted me to him most..Very much took charge and made things happen, constantly pursed me. He basically told me I was his girlfriend instead of asking lol..that’s how assertive he was. But then he turned out to be kinda controlling so me and him both have exes with that experience. We are VERY similar, too similar obviously in that way with our go with the flow personalities. Weve flipped coins on our dates to figure out the littlest of things just out of pure not caring either way.. but yea, the lack of pursuing and assertiveness I mainly don’t like because I’m not feeling validated! And it’s in the back of my mind that maybe he’s still out there exploring his options. And honestly if he was I would be disappointed but I would feel ok in knowing if he found someone else he liked more then it just wasn’t meant to be. N of course I would prefer not to put my energy and focus on one person if that person doesn’t see the value and potential in me that I do in him to where he feels the need to still feels the need to be put there looking.. that alone may make me decide we’re not right for each other .. would that be avoidant of me to think that way?? ? somewhat anxious lol. But tbh It would be nice just to know. Wish I felt comfortable asking. and THANK YOU for the practical tips as well. That’s very helpful and I will be keeping that very much in mind. I did initiate our first meeting and suggested a place with a pool table. We ended up going to this other place and playing all kinds of games and I was beating him a bit.. so that probably didn’t enhance his masculine energy. (Ping pong and I was on the tennis team so I think that made him more ok with it at least lol) but anyway, knowing ALL THIS now what are the thoughts…. Lol. Sorry obviously situations and ppl are complex so I can’t help but ramble a bit.. ? thinking i just need to chill n let him come to me if he wants..? n if he doesn’t o well then..?!

@meta_male I know he’s into me otherwise, he wouldn’t keep seeing me but it’s clear I like him more lol. So that’s not really the concern… I guess I’m just confused on how to move forward in a way that doesn’t come off as needy. his last girlfriend he told me was a bit controlling so I feel the less expectations I put on things the better especially this early on. Obviously, I want him to like me more not less! Normally, I would be much more open towards the person I am dating about my thoughts about these things but since I like him so much, I’m being extra careful not to mess things up. Lol. But ideally I would love just an open honest conversation

@meta_male And true, but if he knows how much I like him he shouldn’t be worried about that right?

@meta_male what I REALLY like about him is he is a genuinely kind person. Among other things but yea for sure my buttons are getting pushed lol but he wouldn’t do that intentionally.

I used to be so avoidant and scared of the pain of rejection would take foreverrr to open up and be vulnerable with others, had to feel super safe, gave me social anxiety, would rarely be the initiator of connections, I have been told numerous times by guys pursuing me that I come off as stand off ish… I could go on but you get the point! Looking back I know i felt that way because I was too caught up in wanting to feel accepted, and avoiding feeling like I wasn’t good enough. Which I know is normal to an extent we all want to feel accepted, I could just be extra sensitive who knows haha Well somewhere over the years Ive reframed things to where I think of rejection as more so a good thing because for one it’s a learning experience. Experience always makes you wiser, helps you to grow as a person (being on this forum I’d say you all could agree with me on that) also I think of it as rejection is just life saying ope, not the person/situation for you, or maybe just not the right time for it. It happened for a reason but maybe not because it was meant to work out but because it was meant to help you grow and realize something maybe you hadn’t before, or whatever reason. I guess I have accumulated an attitude of acceptance And I do feel like rejection truly has nothing to do with me personally. It’s just THEIR personal preference, and if I’m not their preference, why should I feel hurt, of course people are going to have vastly different preferences, good glad I found out so I can get going sooner on finding a connection with someone who does prefer me for me and sees the value in me. Also, there are just SO many different types of people I would not prefer too, so why should I take it personally when I’m doing the exact same thing! ? so funny when I think about it. But thankfully Ive grown so much since then and have so much confidence and love for myself, and the person that suits me will see those things in me that I feel makes me a wonderful person, and vice versa. if not that just makes the decision for me that they’re not my person, no need to be upset about it Long story short, just be yourself ? And love yourself ❤️❤️❤️

I've often heard its best to have protein within the hour after finishing a workout. With the timing that I workout (8-9am), I dont want to have my protein till lunch time because I fast (only black coffee and water) till lunchtime. My question is, does it make much of a difference not having protein within the hour? Thanks!

@MarkusR I feel like that could be one way to go about it, but also being exposed to the trigger could be helpful because of your minds ability to start associating more positive experiences. Also if you're exposed to it, that opens up the opportunity to feel the feelings that you may have dissociated from during the initial experience, allowing you to process and integrate the situation, creating faster healing than to just avoid the experience all together.

@aurum ok awesome, thank you so much!!!

Good for you for doing you, loving your natural self and not caring what others think! ?

For a while I've been reading mostly non fiction but I want to start getting into more fiction, inspirational type books. Biographical books work too if they're really good. Any suggestions are appreciated and if you add in why you love it that's even better ? thanks!!

I think its both as well, but yeah it can be hard to distinguish between the two. Are the synchronicities you're seeing every day based around the same sort of things that you feel the universe is pointing you to one big decision that maybe you're afraid of acting on? or are they different? It happens to me sometimes when they are completely random and out of the blue to where I'm more inclined to believe it's an actual synchronicity rather than confirmation bias. But there was a time I was having a lot of them about the same thing, they had to do with a relationship I was really struggling with and at the time I dont think I really wanted to be in. So with that it could've just been me looking for excuses or justifications to get out. Who knows it could've been actual signs from the universe trying to point me in the path of not being with him or it could've been confirmation bias. So hard to tell! I'm with you though on having struggles following my intuition

@preventingdiabetes I enjoyed leo's episode on ego backlash because it recontextualized things for me, I would be feeling down and self critical for not being perfect, struggling with consistency, etc but its part of the process and completely normal to be up and down with your progress. If you look at things from a big picture, think of how far you've come as a person relative to when you first started self development and be proud of yourself for that, accept and love yourself for where you are, but at the same you can have consistency be a goal just curious but is your goal to be more consistent to avoid wage slavery as well then? Try focusing your attention on the positive side of things more often, I feel like a lot of it is just mindset and how you are looking at things. Dont make it about what you're avoiding and the negatives, but about what you desire and love about life, what interests you, brings you the feeling of excitement, the life you see making for yourself. Leo's life purpose course could be very inspiring for you if you haven't taken it yet theres a whole section on releasing limiting beliefs and values that dont serve you, etc on top of that helping you to find your passion of course if you're still looking for that (which it seems like you are, based on what you said about only being negatively motivated). I feel like consistency will be hard if theres not something you are passionately working towards, but you could always start small as well and do research on habit formation I watched an episode recently on YT by andrew huberman he gives a lot of good info in his videos

That may have happened because of the persons reaction when you told them, even if it was a subtle through body language, their level of interest or excitement about your plan, etc. Studies in psychology show that if others believe you will succeed, it is more likely to happen and vice versa, because of how they subtly treat you and react to you. (self fulfilling prophecy, and because belief -- either belief about yourself or others belief about you -- impacts identity, and identity impacts behavior and action) That's why its important to keep away from negative people, (or even just any random person that probably wont react to your plans with genuine excitement or interest). Only share with people that you know are positive and supportive, and that tend to be authentically excited for you and the plans that you have in your life. People that believe you can and will achieve anything you set your mind to.