bejapuskas

@BenG @Harlen Kelly HealthyGamerGG (Harvard trained psychiatrist with an MD from Tufts) and I also tried it with multiple different people and it worked. You can literally find the clit by an accident (don't do it, it can feel like assault to the person if you do not warn them) if you touch somebody's foot in a certain way. That's how easy it is, but still, some people fail. To add, those were people who never thought they would enjoy stimulation of feet, it was not in any case a person who knew this about themselves from before. I also think that unless one perceives extreme fetishes (requiring something to get off) as a problem, they are not really a problem. I don't know if they are unhealthy, I think there is a lot of kink shaming and repression in our society, but for example for people with strong genital dysphorias this can be a good way to still be sexually satisfied if they desire that thing. I also don't think asexuality is a choice, BenG. It is something you might be born with. It is not caused by a trauma. It means you naturally do not experience sexual attraction. It is the default, not an achievement. There can be people who face challenges during sex because of trauma, but those are different from asexuals. It is important to distinguish these. @Derek White What do you mean by this? Also thank you for this contribution, I think it is really interesting to contemplate this question of "what does attraction to inanimate objects tell us about our own sexuality?" I think probably almost anyone can experience this, you can even be turned on by ideas. There is however also a difference between getting bodily responses to stimuli and actually being turned on.

Hello everyone, I just realized that there is a lot of pressure on this forum to behave in sexual and romantic ways. While I do not advocate for repression and denial of one's desires in this sense, I am aware that some people are asexual, aromantic or both, which means they do not experience sexual/romantic attraction in the traditional meaning of the word. (they might still engage in the behaviors in order to please their partners, without attraction, engage in non-sexual kinks etc.) This applies to all genders, usually men tend not to realize they are ace/aro, because of the amount of societal pressure. It tends to be associated more so with females at birth. I think questioning attraction as a part of one's identity can be great tool to arrive at unique insights. Seeing others behave in sexual/romantic ways without understanding it can help one be more objective and spot the devilry and nonsense in such behaviors. That is why I am asking if anyone here has any interesting inputs. I am willing to share experiences of my friend, even though I am quite sexual and romantic myself.

@Derek White You have so many assumptions man.

@Derek White Footfetish is not a construct. There is a nerve that connects feet and the clit. @Myioko Right. Certain animals do not contain diseases like covid, that is why people choose cow over a bat. (sometimes) But it is also partially because of scientific development in society that modifies organisms. Exporting meat full of bacteria that is of the usual animals to eat and stuff like that is illegal.

@soos_mite_ah I agree, this "queers are imposing their values" seems to me like bunch of projections of the cishet people. I have literally struggled so many times because of peer pressure and nonsense like that. Being open to questioning can be really liberating, I think more cishet people should try and attend pride events to experience this freedom. @Myioko Those views about breeding pets are interesting. I remember having this conversation with my friend, when we agreed that beastiality is maybe not as immoral as we think, relatively to the fact that we rape animals all the time in slaughterhouses and then kill them. I mean it is still immoral, but basically accepted. It is similar to the question of whether rape or murder is worse. Both can spread disgusting illnesses around too... @Derek White I think if you are sensitive and giving as a person, not trying to be macho and stuff, you could literally develop the skill to be both dom and sub. It's like your sensitivity can just make you enjoy it for the sake of the other. Sure, if you are lazy or have some trauma that is making it hard for you to be giving in this way, I understand that, but still. I also thought I was purely sub, but then I read some of these posts on instagram and kinda got the hang of what doms do and then I enjoyed being in control, it was funny to say the least. There are many dominant girls though, very straightforward and honest, I think they might be attractive for you maybe? Learning to be dom for me improved my imagination and creativity, as well as compassion.

@Derek White That is really interesting, thanks for sharing. Do you think it is because you have better self-esteem now than you used to as well and you don't define your value by sex, or is it not that? @Chew211 What do you think about focusing on one person for the sake of knowing each other better and also not being spread out for the sake of not only pursuing relationships? I guess you would not need to have multiple committed relationships, im just trying to hear your points, playing the devils advocate here Do you have any specific examples of this? I am personally very confused, as in my previous relationships, I felt like I wanted an open relationship, but I did not really act on it once it was open... Maybe just some sort of OCD and overthinking.

Do any of you guys identify as non-conforming / genderqueer / non-binary, given that your sexuality does not define your gender? Do you think sex and sexuality in general plays a big role in society's assessment of gender roles?

@Chew211 Would you mind sharing what cultural tropes have you spotted on your path of questioning culture? @soos_mite_ah I will get to responding to you later, I am a bit busy these days x)

Wow so many responses, thank you for contributing! @roopepa I understand what you mean. One question I am trying to answer for myself is - can a gender fluid person with changing sexual orientation sustain a long term relationship with a more static person? I know this is a loaded one, but what do you think? @Nos7algiK That is why I created this thread. I am sorry you feel that way. Diversity is amazing for learning and personal growth, as it is a tool for one to face their biases by being exposed to other experiences than those that they experience themselves or are close to in some other way. I remember having this stage of being "accepting of queer people, but not wanting them to show off or to talk about their feelings openly" which is still not really what acceptance means, as almost everything we say here on this subforum is hetero/allosexual-normative. I have a similar experience with questioning myself too, it is like there is this label when you perceive another human that influences your opinion and perception of them, it goes against the idea of being mindful that we talk about so much here to assume gender and never question it. It is very spiritual to question.

@Emotionalmosquito I think it can be related to just seeing how some people are blindly chasing "love" without understanding it, without working on anything else. What you say makes sense. It is easier to spot as someone who does not partake in such stuff, even though asexual and aromantic people can face pressure to be like everyone else and become confused too. For example, I used to chase relationships a lot, but my aro ace friend told me "you just desire art", (they are a very creative person themselves) and that really helped me notice my lack of focus on my path. I also got a lot of insights from talking with them about the morality of having kids. Kids have a big carbon footprint and some people have them just because or to "fix their marriage". People who don't take giving birth for granted can spot that more easily, as the culture doesn't seem all rational to them. Like with survival instinct, they can have it, but still be repelled by the activity or indifferent to it.

One of the best self-development experiences while travelling was living with an Indian family. (while also travelling and eating out a bit, but living with the family was better for growth) I learnt so much about cultural relativity, gender, corruption, how they affect everyday life, very good experience overall. You might connect your travel with more specific activities for example if you are an artist, you might go to Indonesia and connect with one of their local theater companies to learn some of their cultural theater traditions. Don't just live somewhere, it's probably gonna be a waste of time.

Most of the responses here are pretty heteronormative, but a good guy can also be gay, bisexual, asexual, trans etc. I think queer input in this conversation would be really interesting to discuss, as it provides a unique perspective.

Behavioral economics?

Make sure that if you only talk about feelings with someone, it does not go into overthinking territory, crossing boundaries or like too overwhelming to the point it has no outcomes. That can happen if one does not discuss anything else. I personally have more porous boundaries than most people and I might sometimes project it on others, which may not always be a good thing. However, being open oneself can encourage others to be open, it just should not be forced. Hiring a therapist can be a nice thing, there is a lot of stigma about getting professional help. Therapy can even be good for minor stuff, not just emergency cases when you are breaking down. The therapist can be a person who helps you understand yourself. I think art is also a good thing for expressing emotions, plus creativity can be enhanced by emotions a lot. Anything from music, theater, drawing can help. I also find climbing trees to be helpful.

Why would you demonize him? Because people at this time idealize these sorts of people too much. Some even look up to them. History is taught in a biased way. Meanwhile, slavery, colonialism, child labor, sex slavery and all these things connected to men like Columbus etc. still exist and more people are affected by them than ever before, even though the percentage is less. And ignorant people who "don't demonize" say "People in this era would never do that kind of horrible thing" while they unconsciously benefit from it every day. That's the sneakiness of survival.

@Vrubel How would you feel if I slit your throat in your sleep and took out your organs in order to transplant them to my family member who is suffering from some disease and their life is "absolute misery and struggle for survival" as you described it? I would then call you a hero and name a knife I use to cut veggies after you, because you were a strong person or something. You would have also realized that I chose to use your body to save my family member because of your specific race.

I think celebrating Columbus even as a symbol is a sign of ignorance of what he did and what kind of person he was. Hitler also built a lot of nice roads and railways in the Czech Republic, but Czechs do not celebrate Hitler as a symbol of progress. That would be very odd and it would be very insensitive to the families of the victims and the survivors of the systemic killings. He connected two worlds in the sense that he killed people and enslaved them. Connecting to me sounds more like learning from each other, engaging in fair trade etc. That is not what happened. If you read Columbus' diary, you would see his thoughts on the native people when he arrived, the intention was clearly to enslave them. "Weapons they have none, nor are acquainted with them, for I showed them swords which they grasped by the blades, and cut themselves through ignorance. They have no iron, their javelins being without it, and nothing more than sticks, though some have fish-bones or other things at the ends. They are all of a good size and stature, and handsomely formed. I saw some with scars of wounds upon their bodies, and demanded by signs the of them; they answered me in the same way, that there came people from the other islands in the neighborhood who endeavored to make prisoners of them, and they defended themselves. I thought then, and still believe, that these were from the continent. It appears to me, that the people are ingenious, and would be good servants and I am of opinion that they would very readily become Christians, as they appear to have no religion. They very quickly learn such words as are spoken to them. If it please our Lord, I intend at my return to carry home six of them to your Highnesses, that they may learn our language. I saw no beasts in the island, nor any sort of animals except parrots." These are the words of the Admiral." The disease was intentionally spread at least in some cases by the colonizers by the way. Perhaps if the colonizers did not try to use them for their selfish motives but rather learnt about their spirituality, agriculture etc. which was super developed, it would have lead to more progress? What do you mean by this?

@Insightful27 I understand what you are saying my friend, but you are biased. I made a similar mistakes, I was preaching about these things I heard about from others without ever trying them, talking about brain plasticity and all that. Brain plasticity is not what you experience, it is like a very abstract thing you might not be able to imagine. And if your brain is already very malleable, which it is at your age, psychs might make it too malleable you know, possibly unable to focus or even psychotic. (imagine extreme sexual OCD, questioning everything, being unable to execute on goals, schizophrenia etc.) You might experience really cool stuff, but it is wiser to wait a bit. I understand you will not wait 5 year but wait at least like 2 or 3, is that possible sir? Your body and mind are already perfect, you do not need substances to enhance your human capabilities. They are already so amazing. I have personally had higher states of consciousness sober than on psychedelics, some people are like that too.

Seeing Like a Feminist by Nivedita Menon, it looks at all the different types of feminism and points out the corrupt ones and the more conscious ones, it also talks about intersectionality and different forms of privilege.

That's how relationship conflicts are solved, changing the belief that you are mad at the other person through orgasming

@Hello world That does not sound like nothing at all

One thing to add to my post, consent is also very important for guys and whatever other genders, if you as a guy feel uncomfortable with something, but you beat yourself up bcz the Incels told you that a "guy would enjoy any girl", that's you being right and them being wrong. This can cause all sorts of performance anxieties, body shame etc. Please don't subscribe to it, it is your body, whoever you are.

@Javfly33 It is really sad, but like it does not have to trigger you. Just be aware of it, communicate very directly with whoever you do physical stuff with. Some people can be really easily triggered, just be patient, it is not easy. By the way I asked many girls about this, asking for consent is very very hot, as it creates comfort, which is a necessary component for other things x) This idea that you should initiate without speaking and all that is fantasy, ofc you can do it if you know somebody very well, like a long term girlfriend, but even then you might need to be careful with certain things. Every person is different.

@Hello world What seems possible? What's the closest perceivable goal?

More than every second woman have been sexually assaulted, some sources claim it is in the 90+ percentages, although this is not easy to track because of the stigma associated with being a victim and the death threats victims get etc. Trauma is serious and fear also, it is very hard not to generalize it.