bejapuskas

@kras Not all arguments are bad. I get that you are insecure and it might take you some time to overcome it, realize where your traumas lie, what kind of toxic patterns you adopted from parents etc... You can say like: "I am sorry to tell you this, but it really annoys me when you do this and this. I want to have a vulnerable discussion with you and talk about why you do it, I want to truly understand you. Me being angry however does not change the fact that I love you and yelling at you does not mean that I want to break up." I think in any relationships you will have arguments, but in the good ones the good things outnumber bad things by a lot and the problem solving is very open and honest.

@soos_mite_ah Try telling him honestly what you think, don't be a dick about it, try this kind of communication, if it works.

Good list!

Twilight? Bruh, the guy is hot, but he is typical pick me boy, wants to save the girl, the film is about her being in dangerous situations and the guy stalking her all the time and using his inhuman powers. That sounds hella toxic to me if a guy thinks that's hot. I mean many of these guys in films etc. are so toxic. Art is actually kinda dangerous for society if like people become so influenced by the idealized narratives. I think Twilight is more of an insecure sensitive pick me Incel boy fantasy rather than a girl fantasy. (if you skip scenes without kissing and watching valley from a tree) I mean if you think that looks don't matter at all and only behavior matters, that helps you take action, but it might make you think that your body does not matter or like your looks are useless. They make no difference etc. That's not as good as feeling confident about your body, having no shame around nudity etc. Guys might also be disgusted by other guys' bodies because they are hyper straight and then internalize that disgust. Like when watching porn for example... Idealizing the female body and not understanding that women also feel physical attraction. Seeing a girl deep throating a dick and seeing her suffer when in reality she might be happy to be doing it if its consensual and intimate. Girls can be attracted to dicks like crazy, correct me if I am wrong.

@amps From my experience you can always like be yourself, I am very childish in person, kinda playful and not very serious. Sometimes more sensitive and more serious, more considerate. Sometimes angry and strict. I mean you are more than just this, no? You can use your mind as a tool. Maybe you can play these domination games with her in bed if she is into you being more masculine and aggressive etc... You might have lots of fun doing that, but also like "be yourself" simultaneously outside the bedroom or wherever you have sex. Try experimenting with that. Maybe she is more experienced than you and actually might give you good calls on what you might try together. I am just guessing.

@integral India isn't beyond that. I wouldn't be surprised at all if a father in India killed his own daughter for "letting somebody rape her". Happens elsewhere also. The slut shaming is lethal.

@DocWatts Yeh, I understand, I don't know how things are in the US, but I agree with you.

@Preety_India I like that, I am also.

@Preety_India I guess you are just a curious person then.

But like what is currently being taught in school and how it is interpreted is not historically accurate, or do you think it is?

@Preety_India I think you arrived at this mindset through experience. I think you can understand that casual sex would not work for you by experiencing emotional sex. So I don't know whether there still is some dissonance in you. I don't even think you judge others or slut shame. Why are you asking this question? Why the need to ask it?

I mean I disagree with CRT that racism is systemic and not psychological, I think it is both. Sure, the system is racist and biased, but different people react differently to it. Sure, CRT can have the effect of telling people of colour that they are inherently lesser, because the system is so, and that is not at all nice. But I see a problem in white people getting offended by others speaking up for their rights, saying it's excessive, that it's narcissistic or greedy. That's just insane.

Do you think sex and love are too different things? Do you think sex is just getting your needs met and not an act of love? I mean it can be both right, but I am not sure which one you resonate with more. Do you have sexual shame?

@Shin Constructive criticism should be welcome from all users. I get that people are scared of getting a warning or being banned, but like most of the people who are banned are not regular users, they are serious spammers. As long as one is constructive, doesnt complain about good things and doesnt insult somebody directly, its fine really. No warnings for disagreeing or having issues. If you think all the mods agree with Leo, youre wrong. We all have different views. And like Leo does many things well to protect us too, we just need to balance our individual approaches.

@Preety_India I guess what others said about like looking at his friend group could be helpful, sometimes other people spot for you. I guess the ability to realize when he is wrong is good. And humility.

I second this, after all you need to communicate in a very honest and open way if you want to have anything long term, it takes tolerance, effort, openness, honesty... Try to see how he acts when he disagrees, play devils advocate in a conversation. That might show you how open and stable he is.

@Preety_India Sex is deeply emotional those guys were missing out on a lot. Find a guy who isnt afraid of vulnerability.

Why I am like that? Because more people require too much energy, dont wanna spend so much energy only on girls. One full attention one is good enough for me specifically. I know that from experience. Hookups and flings would be pointless as it wouldnt be as natural. Does this resonate?

@Preety_India I am the same only. But had to experiment to get there. Like hookups for me and the other person were good. Dont have to be for everyone but they dont deserve a bad reputation. Dont worry about dating history and shit I know Its an issue in India and all these uncles and aunties are constantly slut-shaming you and others so it gets kind of attached to you this mindset. But like if you arent constantly fantasizing and you feel grounded in your values thats fine. This spiritual idea of values and stage Blue being biased is itself biased. I dont think you can live without constructs or values. Just choose what makes you feel nice.

@Preety_India You know in my case I was just so judgemental, but also horny at the same time. And like doing these one night stands, having these after sex cuddle talks made me realize so many things about women. You know hooking up with a girl from a different culture made me the person I am now, because she was the one who told me all these traumatic experiences a woman has to go through. So I guess it created a lot of good. Like for me I am glad I did it and I was careful not to cause any harm, no rape or playing with emotions.

Yeh youre fine I dont like to give warning points when things are not serious or can be talked about. I am always afraid of making a mistake and getting some innocent high quality poster scared... Sorry if I gave off a strict vibe.

@Preety_India Yeh dont feel like its a sin or anything but like also its fine to stick to your values and choices if they make sense to you and you dont feel the urge to explore. Its totally fine to not be open to it its up to you. No shame.

@Preety_India Yeh its fine, people can benefit from it. IMHO it kinda sucks though and being in a long term relationship with good boundaries and communication where you both are compatible is waaay more pleasurable. So you arent missing out on much dont worry.

@Lucas-fgm I didnt say youre right or wrong, I just called you out on calling somebody's posts that come from experience that they are willing to share here nonsense. Sorry if it sounded the other way.

@Preety_India I feel you, I also had this judgement, its fine. I guess the judgement does not come from nothing, right. Even if you communicate, one person might be shy or afraid to tell the truth about their feelings and this can lead to collateral damage. It is tisky. But I think its less risky than most people imagine, if you communicate well though only... People are naturally so dumb, they can't read each other so well, you gotta talk about everything, then its fine. For me I always judged casual sex, then I tried it. It was a nice way to explore my sexuality and to become less of a slut-shamer because I saw the value of opening up in it. It made me understand myself more, there certainly was a shadow. I think you might try if you have any respectful men in mind... Did it suck tho? Yes, first time definitely. Its just not as good as having sex with long term partner where you know each others bodies and minds well and youre way more comfortable. But I guess you can become more comfortable with time and experience. Still for me though, relationship Is the way to go if one wants good sex. But I dont judge casual or even polyamory at all, Its just more complex, risky and sloppy.