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About Fuku

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  1. Double post, sorry
  2. I've always been drawn to this, but I've never actually studied it despite reading a few books and watching a lot of videos. People always tend to be vague when explaining why this can't be shown to others. So is it just self-persuasion? Or just nice stories and concepts to make yourself better in various ways? (like tarot for questionning yourself or opening possibilites about your future) Obviously, there's no answer to wether all of this (let's generalize but you can go into details) actually works besides just being tools on the good old material plane. But I tought that some persons in here that have studied and practiced some form of esotericism could have experiences and opinions to share.
  3. Definitely vouching for Bojack Horseman. Going through it right now and it's fantastic. And I'll add Undone, form the same writer. It's about mental health, time travel, and other things. Hard to get into the rotoscoped graphics for me, but very good show, also pretty short, only 2 seasons and so far it looks like the story is closed.
  4. One would usually say that this is something younger people do, and that you shouldn't care when you reach some kind of maturity. Personnally, I've always been lazy and admire some types of people from afar, but, not being very practical or disciplined, I actually never tried to be like them, do similar routines, or mostly, just BE like them. For example, I admire strong, brute fighters, with a typical male energy (not the only example clearly, as it can also go the total opposite for me, such as admiring very feminine, fashionable women at times) and I'm someone that's very flimsy, lazy, whiny, overthinking, easily discouraged (along with a lot of qualities that people seem to like in me, but I'm just saying, compared to some people I love watching, I sometimes seem to be the total opposite of them) So the question is along the line of, would I need to trust my general flow/personnality, or would I benefit from "forcing" things that seem unnatural to me, beat myself up to try and become as close to them as I can? Or is the fact that I'm not like them a sign that I shouldn't be? When do I know how to give up and let go of things that fascinate me but doesn't seem to be doable for me? Either some persons like me are not built to be this, or I'm just lazy or looking for excuses. Not sure if I'm being clear here, actually I'm still questionning myself on what all of this means, but the thoughts popped into my head and I thought there could be some way to groy from getting a little outside help/thoughts.
  5. Good advice, I think. I've been naturaly doing this for whatever reason. Actually, now that I think about it, fo the past 3 years while doing music full time, I have been craving for entertainement I didn't allow myself to have just because I was too old compared to the competition and needed to catch up. So...it might be the backlash. It's either this, or simply whatever part of me telling me to let go because this lifestyle didn't suit me despite my love for the art, Anyway...I have kind of let go for a few months now...but I'm at a point where the "maybe you'll get so into it that you'll never get back out" part is getting more and more real. But you're also right about the fact that if I was into self-development/spirituality for some time now, it's probably hard to kill. I gotta try and strike a balance between letting to see what resurface, but at the same time not letting go while being depressed.
  6. I do have some of the characterisics of bipolarity, but if this is an episode, this one is unusually long. I think it's been getting worse for months now. @Raze Thanks, will watch as soon as I can.
  7. I was about to lie but what the hell, let's look at the actual reality. I probably stopped meditating regularly more than one year ago now. That was the only kind of spiritual exercise I was doing. Daily 20 mn meditation. My diet is...ok I guess. Avoiding packaged stuff, bread, sugary drinks, alcool, not smoking...also a vegetarian if that matters. Formerly vegan but no more willpower left for this. Right now at least. Sports : I've been doing muay thay a few years ago, but I stopped after ending in the hospital after a bad sparring incident. Thankfully nothing bad in the end, but I think I'm a bit scared now and finding reasons to avoid getting back at it. This was the only sport I actually liked (fighting sports in general), but getting older and having 2 cardiac problems doesn't help my medical anxiety, I've had a few good streaks of training at home (light weight stuff/HIIT/running) but a few events in my life lead me to lose motivation and I haven't done anything serious for a bunch of months now. My work's fine, always the same it's been for a dozen years now, night work that allows me to work or play on my laptop, read, or whatever I want for 6 hours out of 8. Writing this makes me think that I've been neglecting basically everything that's recommanded to be healthy both physically and mentally lately. Maybe I should look any further if I want to regain some mental strength. Not sure it's gonna fix all of my problems but it can't kill me. As for having a vision...I have none right now. I've been doing music for the past years in the goal of doing it profesionnally, and I've been making progress, but even if I did, the fact that I naturally lost interest means I probably wasn't made for this anyway (not saying this in a pessimists/loser way, just that it doesn't go well for me doing this on the long run, having pressure making projects for other people) But yeah, since I stopped, I can think of whatever I want, even if I had all the wealth and I support in the world, I sincerely wouldn't know what to do with my life. Your last paragraph does make me think. I could try to turn the tables by changind my point of view on this even and try to view it ad an exciting opportunity to reset. If only I knew which direction to go. I'm the only one that can think about it, so I better start doing it, but my brain is so fucking numb... EDIT "fuck everything, they suck" Not really...I mean, humanity has got me pretty depressed and I can't vibe with most people and feel like everyone is faking in a way, trying too hard to have fun (I know it sounds weird, not sure I can explain exactly). But mostly, it's more like, I can't resonnate with basic human interactions anymore, I'm also faking in my own way. I also feel like, despite the fact that I didn't experienced half of what the average human has in my life (for example, I started dating pretty late in my mid 30s), I've seen it all, I know how people and the work (not in details obviously, just...humans, in a kind of abstract way, I feel like I know them already and they're not interesting anymore to me)
  8. 42. (if my writing sounds childish or clumsy, it might be because english is not my first language)
  9. I don't want to progress anymore. I feel like I've spent all of my energy trying to ascend but I'm not built for this kind of society. Is it a bad thing that I don't want to strive and follow all of those successful teachers I've been listening for years? I've learned too much, I've seen what life can become, and I feel like a failure now, not being able to stand up and walk again. I just want to be left here. But it also makes me sad seeing the train of life pass behind me as I fell from it and I don't feel like the energy radiating from people in it is for me anymore. It's not really about giving up. It's more like I know that I'm not one of the persons that will accomplish something. Sometimes I just want to numb myself with entertainement and tell myself it's gonna be ok and cosy, sometimes part of me is screaming and raging so hard that I'm not trying to get better at various things. Maybe I've just been fighting as hard as I could to fit somewhere with a heavier weight that the average person do (heavy depression and anxiety, self diagnosed but probably obvious ADHD and/or autism...or maybe I'm just supposing those words will give me a reason to be a lazy, unorganized, bipolar person), and now it's time to give up. But I can't even rest and accept to be nobody, I'm stuck between 2 mentalities and it's the worst thing. Sorry for the rambling. Don't know what else to do anymore.
  10. Maybe. But maybe not. Surely, parents can help kids grow in less shallow ways, but I'm sure there's plenty of examples of parents doing the right things as much as they canm yet still losing control. Hell, even we as "responsible adults" know what the better things to do are but we still fuck up. So you can control a kid up to a certain point, but then other things interact. Social pressure to do the same as the other kids, the way the society we live in communicate to us. A kid won't take your word 100% until he dies. He'll experience and test the parent's authority. Anyway, that shouldn't stop us to try our best to raise kids if we do, but I've seen kids, or adults, raise by parents that certainly didn't obtain the results they were going for. Parenthood seems like the most complicated thing ever, requiring an extremeeely hard to achieve balance, in order to get the results you think are the best for the child. Otherwise...Seeing kids zombified on tiktok certainly annoys me. And it certainly is more powerful than what we, older people, might have had experienced by other means growing up. I mean, Other social medias, Internet in general, video games, television... But I think it is also kind of wrong thinking that this will absolutely destroy them. I was overhearing kids talking Tiktok and memeing, and was super mad, but then I remembered. We were like that in our own way. We had our ways of numbing ourselves (and still do but hey), ones that our parents and adult society in general were thinking as badly off as we do of Tiktok. Won't these kids grow up? Did video games and Internet fuck us up and make us unable to think straight, for extended periods of time, and have ambitions at all? And, last point : we cannot stop Tiktok. we cannot stop society evolving the way it does. You think your kids will not have Tiktok? They'll have worse. Look at how fast technology is evolving. Deepfakes, IA generating believable pictures so easily just based on a few words...and of course, the long-awaited technology-fueled dystopias (I'll leave the opinion to each individual, since I am not sure that transhumanism would actually be such as bad thing as it seems) based on old science-fiction concepts So why fight it? Why not make the best we can of this train? Youtube is full of cringy dumb stuff right? Is this all the medium gives to us? Certainly not. It changed my life personnally, since I was able to learned form so many teachers as opposed to way older times were you'd have to believe that one popular book or person in the media without being able to have much sources or alternatives. Tiktok is pretty fucking damn addictive. Not gonna lie. I do uninstall the app every now and then because it's hard to stop scrolling. And it certainly doesn't have a way to help brains get stronger or learn better. But, I love the very condensed and quick aspect of it for glancing at a given subject, Then it's all yours to get down down a rabbithole there or on some other platform or book. Also, for simple fun and comedic purposes, it sometimes does a very interesting job or being able to catch attention and be creative with so little. This is an interesting form of creativity in a way. But yeah, besides that, child porn bad. Just don't make the tool 100% evil or just point it and say how bad it is, because again you won't stop it (by all means, do report problematic child content of course, but just like you would on any other platform), and I don't think this is very enriching to act that way. All that being said...I might be biased. Shit is addictive so I might try to defend it more that it should be?
  11. @flowboy Got it, thanks for the precisions. That being said, I'm still not sure how to go deeper and fix it, find the source of the problem Sure. Anything.
  12. Oh certainly. I'm never thinking about drugs anymore after what happened just with weed, anyway (4 hours or so of thinking I'm actually dying, Was too horrible, can't take the risk. I'm too sensitive and or ADHD/autism/whatever this is I'm not diagnosed with, to ever risk again. Even super mundane things can trigger small panick attacks sometimes, so...).