Fuku

So I was wondering if some emotions actually have a real use, or if they're just old habits we should try to get rid of in the long term. I'm thinking about emotions like anger, jealousy, or pride. Do those even serve a purpose? Everyone in an orange or "below" paradox seems to believe it's totally healthy (and not healty to not be angry sometimes. This happened to me a few times. "But you should get angry at this!". And the more it goes, the more I tend to get rid of it.). Any idea about this? Or other emotions that are believed to be good but are actually not? (I should probably try to find books about psychology, but I also assume those will not take into account non-duality obviously. The notion of unconditionnal love, etc...but yeah, they would probably still be useful. Learning more about the classics before trying to elevate higher. I'm still lacking a lot in sciences and actual experience.)

Definitely! I didn't think commitment would be the word to contemplate here for me, but it seems like this might be what stops me too here. Not sure how to get better focus, or rather leave things out of focus. Everytime I drop something it almost hurts when I see someone else doing it from afar. Eh. I guess there's no other way than chosing something and sticking to it at this point. I probably just need more self-discipline (which was definitly never my strong point).

Yeah, makes sense. They're here for a reason and I should observe them without being consumed by them like I do when I meditate. It's just that, seeing how many people are run by some emotions in bad ways everyday, and were it leads them, I thought it'd be better to avoid said emotions. But it's more complicated than that. They're certainly here for a reason, I have to observe and learn why they're here instead of demonizing some thoughts, I suppose. Worst thing is that I kinda knew that already Funny how sometimes we forget what we learn and how to take some distance to look at things.

38 here. If anyone knows about a good poll site go ahead, it'll be easier to read.

Don't mix. The worst cases I've seen were from people mixing weed and alcohol. Don't smoke "just because". If it makes you paranoid, bad trip, feel bad in any way, just stop it. I had my worse bad trip with weed (after smoking for years and years and never bad tripping), so it can happen. I just dropped it as I did with alcohol. It's hard. But it's honestly worth it. Don't do as I did and wait 30+ years to understand that drugs only hinder you and are a waste of time. But that's only my opinion. I know Leo and lots of people believe in the benefits of psychedelics and such. I'd rather take the hard path and avoid the traps of drug from now on personally. But I'm probably biased in the fact that my old self I'm trying to get rid of is anxious, depressive and very sensitive to drugs, so they don't mix well with me. I don't know. Listen to how those make you feel and make the choice in your case. But don't do drugs just because "everyone does it", or someone you like says it's good. Maybe it's not a tool for you like it wasn't for me.

That sounds very true. But actually hard to implement a life where you wouldn't, considering you have to sustain yourself. Otherwise, not sure I have the same problem exactly, but some of this does resonate : I love a lot of thing, I'm super excited to start doing projects, I'm excited for a time starting doing them, but then, depression or distraction hits hard. Then I start thinking I'm not made for it, put the passion under the rug for X amount of time. Then I get excited by someone else's work and feel like I can't live without doing this again. Repeat. Sometimes I wonder if I can't make the difference between loving something and actually making it. It's either this, or depression slowly convincing me I should give up. Or just plain lazyness. I also have this super annoying feeling that I don't have enough time to do and consume everything I like that's eating me. Probably why I'm going left an right chasing my tail instead of actually advancing on a definite path.

Thanks. But again I believe the fetish itself is not automatically "wrong". It's more about how it resonates with me and if it channels something bad or blocks my path to healthy relationships. And seeing that I'm usually very far from being an "alpha male", I think the fetish might be a way to hide myself behind this submissive position, and comfort me in the idea that I don't have to get stronger, take decision, evolve. Something like that. So unless I meet someone mentally healthy that's into this too, I will probably try to put it on the back of my head until I evolve and I feel better about my life in general. Then only I should consider having fun with this again. At least, that's how I see it right now.

No, careful, it depends. I actually got the fattest I ever was on a vegetarian diet. There's still some kind of junk food. Plus alcohol, cheese, sugary drinks...but yeah, if you eat healty vegan/vege food, it's hard to put on weight i you're not actually trying to. Since I dropped alcohol, anything else than water, and diminished dairy and bread, I lost a lot of weight and I don't see myself putting it back on. Otherwise, I am obviously convinced of those points as my current diet is something like 80%vegan/20%vegetarian, and I think it's all for the greater good, but I'm actually curious about hearing convincing negative points to have a balanced opinion. Not sure I missed something besides : - need B12 supplements - need to eat more and specific foods to get a certain amount of certain nutrients

Good point. But again I don't think we should demonize it that much. In its good form it should just be spice for sex. A game. A way to push limits and explore ourselves safely. We just don't know how to dose it in our lives so it becomes something else that ends up affecting our self-esteem and energy to actually do things outside. I wish I could find that balance because somewhere deep inside something tells me that going all extreme on this and shutting down some types of pleasures because the do present some sort of harm if you don't use them "wisely". Just purely shutting down something might be a sign of weakness in a way. (at least, something that doesn't hurt you or someone else...besides the play/game that bdsm can be, that is). And as you said the fact that it always comes back to haunt you, sometimes stronger (had this with other addictions), shows that burying it might not be the way. Yea...I'm still conflicted. I just know that right now in my case it is a waste of time and energy, but I'm still fascinated by it and I don't want to totally give it up.

What is it nowadays? Do you think the vegan diet might be unhealthy?

I got rid of most fictions and video games. Alcohol. Any of type binge, non healthy eating. Yet, I keep procrastinating. It's a strange feeling, I'm truly excited about the possibilities and trying I don't know the answer to those. Maybe I'm not strong enough to get rid of all my addictions? Should I just, literaly cut off Internet (there are some apps for that like Cold Turkey) for me that start doing things? Just, accepting that my current personnality is not strong enough to have the willpower to stick to a schedule/limitations? Sometimes I also wonder if my life purpose might have something to do with the fact that I like going left and right (figuratively), being excited in short bursts, researching...But if that's the case and my life purpose is somehwere in here, is there even a kind of self-employed or even freelance job that have a link with these kind of activities?

It's weird. Today, at muay thai training, coach said that we all lacked agressiveness, and told us to try and find something we really hate to flip a switch in our head and go into agressive mode. I had to think really hard and I could not find anything that angers me. I don't like some things, as in I think they're not good for human evolution and well-being, but since I went in the direction of peace of mind, non-duality, acceptance, more generaly deleting hate, it's like true hate is not even in me anymore, right now at least. It feels like a waste of energy. (tbh I was never that much of a hateful person, I guess. Just got even better at avoiding low vibration mentality) Maybe I'm actually avoiding it and idealizing the image we see of gurus/enlightened people and such. Is hate actually useful sometimes, or is it ok to get rid of it?

Yeah. That's probably just me postponing stuff again. If I do believe than ebooks are a better way I should just go with it and shut up about it I'm just a bit conflicted about why I like material versions of books so much. Probably just feels good to buy and own objects.

What do you think about the paper books vs ebooks debate? I won't lie, I feel very attached to paper books but I feel like there is actually no reason whatsoever to keep buying those instead of ebooks. Beside the fact that it feels better to buy something material for about the same price (and let's not lie, how ebooks are usually priced compared to paper books, is total bullshit and not fair at all). It just feels like materialism and adding a trophy to your bookshelf. But again, this is the rational part of me speaking. Most of me feels a deep attachment, something almost mystical about books (and this is probably just by habit and how I grew up). If you add the space that they take (trying to go more minimalist even if I'm far from it, and even beside that, you can pack XXX books in your pocket anywhere), ease of use, and the fact that nowadays there are tablets with good screens, and even some decent big phones to read ebooks on...I don't know what's left for paper books. The only question I'm not sure about, is which version of books is easier on the eyes and if the difference really matters. So, what are your thoughts/habits on this topic?

There is not big, deep debate here (at least not that I know off), rather more of a practical debate. This subsection of the forum has "habits" and "lifestyle" in its description so I don't think it's out of place. Knowledge transmited is the same in both case, but I was questionning here on which form is the more practical one to use : about health (course, it's basically nothing, but we already strain our eyes so much with all the screens everywhere, I'm wondering on this particular point if reading paper books isn't actually a better idea), space taken, materialism, and, on a more global scale, environmental. And now that I'm thinking about it, maybe absorbtion of said knowledge. People seem unsure about the fact that both type of readers retain information in the same manner. I guess there's nothing else to do than look for more studies about those points tho, this topic might actually be useless, sorry. If someone can delete it, that's fine.

Yeah. This might be good advice. Couldn't hurt to try, I'll keep on nofap and try what you suggested lastly once in a while. Yep...I don't even know when to start but I'll try finding methods (I suppose stuff like meditate until I reach a certain state and ask myself questions, that's all I can think for now) The thing is probably not even that BDSM/domination in general is bad, it's more about where it comes from (in my case, something unsolved in me) and also that fact that it overwhelms all my other sexual desires)

Reframing it as staying away from porn alltogether actually makes a good point with me. If I want to experiment anything I should at least try to do it IRL. What does "PE" stand for? Oh no, nothing of the sort. I sometimes used to watch severe inflicted pain with blood but I wouldn't probably (?) do it myself. I think it's more about the act of humiliation at the core of it (trampling, etc). Damn. Now that I'm writing this in details I'm having trouble seeing it as sane There must be something I can solve in my head, trauma or something, except I'm very bad at remembering my childhood so I never found the source of this kind of fetish. But yeah. I can't help but finding this push and pull to extreme domination and limits of pain fascinating. Even if I wasn't aroused by it still probably would. There's something in this. But I might be biased, obviously.

Coming from an ex-alcoholic and not even with hate or revenge, but simply what I think about it : it's shit. It has no purpose other than being an easy way to put you in a certain state except it comes with a price (well, many if you consider physical health, depression, alteration of the person in certain case, and many other troubles). Just learn to reach these states by yourself. I'm currently in this and so far (who knows what the future holds), it just feels like getting rid of an old skin that was slowing you, and you notice how much time people waste by drinking (and thinking it's absolutely necessary to have fun). So there's this kind of bitersweet evolution in your head, but I'd say it's really worth it. I feel good and I don't see the point in poisoning myself. Now, it took me many, many, maaany tries to get there. So don't get discouraged if you're trying and failing. Just try and try again. Don't beat yourself up for it. It's rooted so deep in your society that some people transform into fucking demons when you're even trying to debate the fact that there's a natural alternative to alcohol. Cognitive dissonance and shit.

The question is, does the person actually want to learn. I know some persons that are very smart but close like oysters when you bring up those kind of subjects. Maybe you could just speak about a subject related that you found interesting recently and see the person's reaction to it first. Not trying to change the person. But other than that, never really thought about it. How about, maybe you try to dig some of the first videos or books that got you into all of this, so it's not something that goes too deep, and try to introduce it casually in a conversation?

Hm...not really, since I started meditating/self-actualizing, it's actually the opposite for me. Words flow and sometimes I don't even know where they come from. Maybe take your time to speak and don't fear silences, if you do? Sometimes people say things they don't really want to say or struggle to speak because they're thinking too much about what they wanna say, and because they fear silence and being judged. But that might not be your problem at all, idk.

France/Lorraine/Grand Est here. Couldn't hurt to meet new people beside my eternal circle of friends. Especially if those people are trying to go the actualized.org route and are not too close-minded sometimes.

I don't really know much about the subject but I just wanted to tell that I admire your courage to admit it to yourself and talk to it about other people. Be careful who you're talking to about it tho. Many, many people would just instantly switch on to irreasonable anger mode. Well I guess you know that. Sorry I can't help, but good luck fighting your demons. Maybe a few questions tho, if this could ever help unlock something even if I doubt it : Did you have adults partners, or are you maybe not that experienced in this domain and having false ideas/fears about relationships with another adult? Are you attracted to someone that's an adult but that's either acting childish (there are some kind of extreme roleplay that people do daily, I don't remember the exact name if it has one, but like where one of the couple is acting as a child either in the bedroom sexually or in daily life) or having a more childish appearance (I guess this one would only work for girls tho, I was thinking about girls with a less developped body and or/way of acting, dressing, etc). Not trying to say "quick! bury your fetished and replace it by something more acceptable!". But I'm trying to see if there is a certain limit to your attraction. And if it's really only younger boys, then why do you think it is? Any specific trigger/moment in your life? Any kind of repressed feeling that draws you toward this specific type? Of course, it might very well be nothing of this at all. Just trying to help but I don't know what I'm doing, sorry

Ok, this is not progress but I might as well note problems I'm getting more aware of. Well, I've been feeling absolutely great for a few days, like, everything I'm doing is cool, and this weird feeling of knowing where I go without really knowing. But right now, this fucking thought : "wow, it took me almost 40 fucking years to get there." Followed by a feeling of desperation, waste of time, something sapping my energy and trying to drag me to depression. I know I shouldn't answer it. But at the same time, rationnaly, this thought is kinda right. The feeling of having wasted so much time and having accomplished literaly nothing by society's standard (and I'm not even talking about orange success, but even average people success) seems to be here to destroy my in the background and it has this weight because it's "true". There. Maybe talking about it will help me fight it. I always have these triggers that make me fall back into depression. Well I'm telling you right now. Not this time. We're gonna work together. Just sit back in the passenger seat and chill, I'm going to get us to the next destination. It's gonna be ok. Love you.

Correct me if I'm wrong (that's only from my meager experience and some spiritual teachers I resonate with at my stage) : the "negging" thing is often used as a "magic trick/technique" by PUA and such, yes. But it actually still makes sense, doesn't it? Considering than the average woman likes emotion rollercoasters more than the average man, it's just a playful way of feeding this need and make stuff less boring anyway. (But of course, there's a ton of different cases so this might not work for everyone. Like I would say "nope, not even once" to certain things described as being done by "all men".)