Identity

Bit of a radical idea perhaps. But I was sitting here thinking, if I truly am willing to die to find out the Truth, why not actually kill yourself? Seems like that would be the most counter-intuitive move of all. Seems like that would pull back the curtain in one fall swoop. ps. Don’t worry, not on the brink of suicide.

Aaaah it is because I think I am a physical creature that I think that awakening will make all physical form disappear

One of the meta-beliefs about changing and growing oneself shared through actualized.org is that change is hard. Themes like setting the proper expectation, hard work, discipline, long-term thinking, etc. Etc. This is, if you will, a meta-belief structure from within which we are doing our self-actualization work. What, however, if we challenge this meta-belief? What if we change the structure so that change becomes easy and effortless? What if we short-cut into being the thing we want to be? Could we break free from this structure into a new structure of effortless manifestation?

This is one of the highest values of Actualized.org it seems to me. Its one of the most meta things we are doing here. Creating understanding. However, I feel like most of us, and me for sure, don’t know what understanding actually is at its core. What is understanding? What are the ways of understanding? What is being understood? By whom? How does understanding evolve? Is it even possible to go meta on understanding, or is it a strangeloop? Seems like you are engaged in the activity of understanding whilst understanding. Reminds me of the metaphor of the basketbal with the hand, trying to reach out to grab itself, but all there is is itself. Seems like understanding ultimately leads to being? Anyways, you get the understand What I mean (but how? Lol).

Is it important to connect with others on the spiritual path? To meet masters face to face? So far, Ive mostly been watching video’s, reading books, interacting on the forum. Not to forget practices ofcourse. Very little contact with awakened people, or people on a similar journey. Has it helped you to do so? In what ways?

Well, that seems pretty clear. Thanks for your responses. I know what to do.

Is it a clear transition? From oke I am alive to no longer being there? trying to figure out whether I have died before or not lol. It just seems to go deeper and deeper for me. Theres never been a point where I fully wasnt there anymore I think. Would I even know? Who than knows? Are there depths of dying? Uggghhhhh man I just cant stop thinking can I? I JUST WANT IT TO MAKE SENSE ?

@assx95 I don’t think trying to trancend sex at this point, because you can’t get it, is comes from the right place. Ive seen people trying to do that on this forum before. I can’t get sex —> Rationalization that it would’t be so bad without —> lets make something spiritual out of it and trancend it! Id say just invest some time and energy into getting better with woman. Jerk off a bit less and use that energy to go out there and chat some woman up. Horniness carries one hell of a drive ???‍♂️ Than, after you’ve had the taste and the abundance, consider transcending it.

One enormous dream board coming right up! ?❤️

@Mu_ Nice video! I like the exploratative style. A while back I was walking home, than I saw this clock tikking. You know, the oldschool type that swings back and forth. I stood there, just looking at it. Trying to figure out what the hell was going on.

Hmm yeah, I guess I keep having this idea that Truth is somehow somewhere else...

@DaneV How do you know?

The thing that has been helping me a lot is by going into changes with acceptance of death. For example, I am making a big step into becoming an entrepreneur. Whilst tripping and at other instances I made it concrete that I would surrender to whatever comes, even if it means death. Just saying it isnt enough though. You do actually have to be willing to die. And if you go into a mushroom trip those motherfuckers will test you on it ?

Focussing on one thing at a time? But I want it all, and I want it now! ?

I mainly use psylocibin truffles to trip, I can legally buy them in a shop on a 5 min walk ? Different types of truffles seem to have different characters. Literally feels like I am being guided by a different being or intelligence. Some resonate with me more. Different ones are better for different intentions. Lately also started to like eatable cannabis. Very nice for becoming aware of the body. Also brings me into high states of consciousness that are manageable when leaving the house. Yoga or salsa with a little eatable? Daym.

@Leo Gura Thanks step by step..

Amazing video. Some contemplation questions to leverage the video into our lives: What is structure? What is content? What is their relationship? What are the main structures that are dictating my life? What structures am I not aware or? Which would I like to change and how? Where am I lost in content, when structure is the true cause? Another excercise I think could be interesting: take one problem in your life, and try to analyse it not at the cause-effect small picture content level, but try to go meta on it: - Where have I encountered a similar problem before? - What are the hidden assumptions and rules dictating that situation? - Could it be the way that the structure is set up that is causing the problem, instead of an isolated action or incidence within it? - What structures are even in play in this scenario? For example, let me try to analyse an argument I had with my girlfriend: Small picture: My girlfriend asked me a few things in a row whilst I was giving her a massage. I got annoyed, and told her in bolt manner that I don’t like it when she takes over control when I give a massage. She got silent, I felt something was up. I asked her multiple times if she was oke, she insisted yes. After some more questioning, we got into a debate. I tried to reason with her for a long time, just trying to “talk it out”. After a lot of tha we hugged, she cried and released emotion, problem resolved. Structure analysis: We have had similar arguments that have the same structure: - I get annoyed by something she does multiple times, I dont say anything until I am frustrated. - Than I do say something, but in an angry manner. - She gets hurt. - I notice she gets hurt and try to talk about it with her. - We talk for a long time without resolution. (Often I am no longer mad or hurt, she is and I try to “fix it”). - After the long talking we stop talking and she releases her emotions through hugging and crying - Conflict resolved. So, by looking at it bigger picture, it becomes clear that our conflicts often have the same structure. This type of structure had played itself out at least 5-10 times in the last 6 months. Further structural analysis: I have this structure where I have certain expectations about a situation that I do not communicate. My girlfriend is not aware of them, and can “violate” my expectations. Instead of mentioning it when I first notice it, I try to play it cool and try to be nice. This builds up resentment in me until I react to it in a unconscious mean way, which hurts her. now we are in the situation that she is hurt. She also tries to play it cool and suppress her emotions, trying to not make a big deal out of it. This counter-intuitively makes a bigger deal out of it, because it more tension is build up as I try to bring it to the surface. When it comes to the surface, I try to resolve the situation by logically debating. Assuming this will solve it, because I as a guy would like to resolve it that way. This actually does not work, because its at the level of emotion for her, and reasoning will not help it. Instead (we talked about this), when she is hurt I should try to penatrate that hurt by loving her and hugging her, making her feel safe. This is actually what happends at the end of the structure, but in between there is an hour of unnecessary discussion. So we see how my assumptions and structural reactions create a disfunctional pattern in our relationship. By staying in the content of the debate this cannot be solved. We have to go meta and see the bigger structure at play. (ps. Ladies let me know how much of my analysis makes sense here ?)

1. Yes definitely 2. I guess so, haven’t used it that way really, but seems legit. Although attraction mostly matters in the beginning and you don’t know the other’s love language at that point.. helps to build your overall understanding though.

@Thewritersunion Wait, what do you mean?

This keeps tripping me up. So, I’ve become aware that consciousness/awakening is prior to the mind. Yet the mind is always there interpreting and making sense of things. There also seems to be some relationship between understanding and awakening. I mean, Leo’s hour long videos on Truth are not just a bunch of random words sticking together. They do somehow resonate more with Truth, or help to point at it than other beliefs/thoughts. Where does this understanding come from? It seems to me that the mind somehow aligns with God. As if, when consciousness is allowed to flow through it somehow formulates images that make sense in some way. Leo used this metaphor before of lego blocks forming a larger lego block when it comes to love. That form somehow reflects God. I than proposed that the same metaphor could work for understanding. What is the mechanism behind understanding, especially when it comes to understanding Absolute? Sometimes when I am writing, mostly on paper, its like my hand is just making notes, writing down insights that seem so accurate and effortless. How do you make sense of sense making? ?

Why not just be straight up about the whole thing? Yup I’m imagining this, cool, lets make something beautiful out of it. Why paint itself in such twisted and dark corners. Is trickery so deep that its the mechanism of creation? I mean in a sense it is I suppose, but that otherwise there is nothing left? I guess I have had some degree of awakening, and become more conscious. But I keep having this idea that if I go deeper, reality as a whole will disappear, not just the “sense of I” within it, if that makes sense. If you see through the illusion deep enough, will it just seize existing as a whole?

@Nahm ??

@VeganAwake That sounds like ego run a muck ??

@Leo Gura But, If you are conscious of all this, how come you are in the movie? are you, in the movie? ? fuck

Id be very interested in hearing Leo’s perspective on education. New series! Conscious education, just like the conscious politics one ?