Degg Ulpnu

Day 3: Third day in a row where I have gotten up and mediated, which is technically a new reality record! Here are the insights that "I" had today I don't know who is aware. I ask myself "who is aware," and of course I am aware. Okay, then who is aware that I am aware? Well I am of course. Then who is aware of that? Well I am of course, and it goes on an on until infinity. How can I be aware an infinite amount of times but also know that I am aware an infinite amount of times? I have no fucking clue. Overall, I am just very confused about everything. I am just going deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole. I studied engineering at college and have always been good at math and science, so I find myself falling into the trap of "thinking instead of looking." How would I even know that I am making any progress if I am going into uncharted waters? Yeah, enlightenment has occurred before and may be occurring at this very moment, but since I haven't seen it, done it, etc. then how can it be real? How would I even know that I am making any progress if there is no "I" in the first place? I am starting to find out for myself that most, if not all of my beliefs are false, but how do I know that believing my beliefs to be false is not also false, because it is just another belief? I would think that one had to be true and one had to be false, but again, this is just another belief...and then believing that to be a belief is another belief...so what the fuck is going on lol

Day 2 on my journey to enlightenment. Yesterday, I listened to the "How to Become Enlightened" video, took notes, and created an affirmations statement. This statement includes the key questions to ask my self, the 2 key distinctions (thinking vs. looking & what reality actually is), as well as tips on how to not fall into common traps. I read this statement this morning, set a timer for 15 minutes, and looked for who I actually am. Here are my key insights from today: About 10 minutes in, I had an overwhelming feeling that I have no idea who or what I actually am I haven't pinpointed exactly where I think I have been my whole life, but I have narrowed it down to somewhere in my head. I honestly feel as if I believed I was my eyes this whole time. Need to dig deeper on this one When asking myself "who is aware," "the voice" always says it I who is aware. I know that I am the voice, so how can I tell myself that I am something, especially because my opinion is biased! Of course I am going to tell myself that I am real, because I want it to be true so badly! I discovered that I sounds, sights, and tastes are not as real as I have always thought. For instance, I heard a bird chirping outside my window. To me, this sounds like a bird and it sounds like it is making a typical chirping sound. But what is the sound really? And how am I perceiving this sound? I think that the sound is going through my ears, and somehow it registers as a chirp in my brain. But if I had no ears or my brain couldn't register the sound, then was there ever a chirp? Even though I have ears and believe this chirp is coming from an outside force, for all I know, it is just an trick my brain is playing on me, and there is no bird. And as I am typing this, I just discovered that the same reasoning for the bird chirping can be applied to my sight as well. I think I am looking at a computer screen write now, but how do I know that my brain isn't just playing the same trick? What if everything I think and believe is real is just an elaborate hoax my brain is playing on me? These last two points are really creeping my out, so I am going to have to make a note to mediate again tonight and dig deeper into these topics.

Listened to the podcast on "How to Become Enlightened" last night and boy was it a good one! I am going to take what I learned, add it to my morning routine, and then journal any discoveries I have. I need to re-listen to the video and take notes, but for now, I just took what I could remember and applied it this morning with 15 minutes of questioning. Here a few takeaway's I have from my first session It is pretty difficult to not let your mind wonder off onto a random tangent Sometimes I feel as if there are two different "people" talking in my head. One is "me," which I feel like I have control over, and then there is this other voice that just creates random thoughts out of no where. I realized that this second voice is in control 99.9% of the time. The only time it is not is when I am meditating or alone brainstorming I realized that the inner voice in my head, the one I think I can hear, isn't really in control of my physical actions, movements, and senses. For example, I can say in my head "move your foot" but I can move my hand instead. Kind of freaky. Going to focus on this one tomorrow morning to see what happens This is a random one, but I started thinking about the fact that right and wrong, good and evil, are just man-made creations. There could be a reality or planet that have the complete opposite definition of right and wrong. Jails could be filled with people that were raped, while the rapists inherit the world. Or if you do not commit a murder, you are given the death penalty Going to try and keep these to 5 short answers but only time will tell!

I am not quite sure how I am going to format this yet, but didn’t want to use that as an excuse to put off creating my first entry. However, I am committed to post something every day for the next 30 days! I am very curious to see how this forum concept plays out. My fear is that it will be similar to when Leo said “you shouldn’t go to a forum about depression if you are depressed, you need positivity” in this weeks video. So my goal is to mix in the positive and the negative to stay on track. To begin, I would like to say that I start my “unplugged” journey about a year ago, and didn’t realize I was on the journey until fairly recently. I have done some reflection and can pin point a moment about a year ago when I first started pulling away from what “I am supposed to do.” I read a book called “Rich Dad, Poor Dad,” which opened my mind to the possibilities of financial freedom. About half way through the book, I reached out to a real estate agent and purchased my first rental property! (This was back in February of last year). For the rest of 2015, I spent most of my time educating myself on real estate with the goal of quitting my w2 job and investing full-time. While educating myself on real estate, a read a lot of books that not only discussed the tactical of real estate, but also the importance of developing yourself. I read a lot of the “6 traits every millionaire needs” types of articles but I felt like something was off. I didn’t understand why I was being told that the chief aim in life is to accumulate as much money as possible, with everything else being secondary. Without getting into too much detail, around this time, I was also reading a lot of political science books about how messed up the world is and was getting into quite the negative funk. I could feel myself spiraling down the rabbit hole and was afraid of what my future would hold. Then, everything changed! I friend of mine, who actually isn’t even into this type of thing, or at least doesn’t understand it, put me onto Actualized.org. I remember when I first listened to it, my ego was telling my that it was stupid and a waste of time, but then another part of me (assuming there is a me, topic for a different post) was saying, “what if this is the only non-stupid thing there is?” I am not sure what the first episode I watched was, but the second episode changed my life forever. It was one of the moments where after listening to it, I knew that in 20 years from now, I will look back on this moment, and understand the impact it has had on my life. It was the episode discussing the Grave’s Model in detail. It was a huge puzzle piece added to my knowledge graph (I know I am supposed to destroy this, but I need to understand it first so I know what I am destroying). Almost everything that another person does that I didn’t understand, thought was wrong, evil, etc. made sense, and this is the journey I am currently on. I am trying to get a grasp on what the fuck is going on around me, why people are doing what they are doing, and ultimately, what can I do to help “unplug” as many people as possible. However, I am very curious to see how this goal morphs over the next years. Feels like everyday, I am learning something new and exciting. So stay tuned (Note: Please forgive any extreme grammatical errors. I am highly educated in math and science, but I struggle with writing. Hopefully this journal will help!)