TheAvatarState

@Understander I was drawn to Leo's work because I had to understand what I had gone through with psychedelic experimentation. I had to piece together what happened and why, after my awakenings.

@Tim R who are to judge a "waste of time?" Isn't time unable to be spent or accumulated or, therefore, wasted?

@WokeBloke do you know what is being conveyed by the phrase, "You are an idea"?

Yes, my thoughts exactly. I believe the hidden metaphysics of the question is that Life is something a body possesses, that can be taken away or sacrificed.

I have dealt with this for years, and still do. I feel much happier and in alignment with the universe when I take a deep breath and surrender to the flow. Bring out the humor lens from your toolkit. Isn't this all so endlessly hilarious? You could literally say "my tiny little nipples went to France" in your next conversation, and it wouldn't matter at all! This feeling of being trapped is completely self-imposed. All my expectations and wants and anxieties... bring those to the surface and release that weight. I'm exactly where I designed myself to be! Nowhere else could be better, it's just my limited, selfish ego mind that's unable to see it. And that's ok, that's part of how I designed myself, I'm allowed to feel anything that I'm feeling. Learn to spot self-judgement quickly, observe it and release it.

I've had several experiences of maintaining consciousness through sleep. I've even levitated over my body while sleeping (at the tail end of an lsd trip). It's very eery being conscious of the exact moment your consciousness "passes under" to sleep. If anything, I become hyper-conscious while sleeping... my analytical mind is basically shut off, but I'm more aware of Being. It's experientially like gently slipping into a warm, calm ocean.

This is truly the funniest thing ever. One of the ways that has helped is to tap into humor when things seem overwhelming. Humor can always be found, and it can make it seem lighter with a release of "realness" constraints. It's all a play, like that spiderman meme of spiderman pointing at himself. I have had God-realization for at least a couple years now, and it's getting sharper and clearer in the day-to-day. My ego has been running from it, distracting me from it this whole time. But I've known. It's permanent... for the remainder of this incarnation it can't be forgotten. Leo is absolutely right when he says you don't want to know. Leo said that one of the hardest things to integrate was the solipsism, or illusion of other selves. And that is where I find myself today. These feelings I have, which come about from greater awareness of Self and how I'm literally constructing reality, are negative. I realize that every show I watch is a reflection of myself. I realize I imagine every person I talk with, and how my "inner world" is reflected in how they treat me. None of these observation or patterns make sense from the old paradigm. Every day I'm just witnessing reality "break" a little more. I want to BE BACK in the illusion again. I don't want my mind to figure out how that thing I heard on the radio this morning literally materialized at work. I don't want to see how this show I'm watching for entertainment is literally being constructed in the moment to get me to realize I'm God. I don't want to feel anxious around people and constantly see that they are illusions. The line between "mind" and "reality" has been absolutely eradicated. There never was a line. How do I have a relationship with someone anymore? How do I connect with people? Why am I so afraid and uneasy of myself? Everyone else talks about these realizations as being wonderful and Loving... But I'm miserable. I don't understand why I would put myself here. Why would anyone want to know they're God and watch reality break before their eyes? It's not only traumatic, it defeats the purpose of the whole game! Did I beat the game? I should ride off into the sunset right? But I don't want to do anything. I'm left feeling lonely, horny and afraid. I must have missed a step, right? There's no doubt I'm awake and God conscious, but it's like I'm in a constant dark night of the soul. There's very little love here... It's like I'm cut off from it. There's no information about this anywhere. There's no one to ask. I'm just hoping what one of you says will spark something. I can still get inspiration from the outside world even though I'm imagining it all.

My everyday waking reality looks and feels like a dream or cartoon. It's not "bad" or "terrifying" to me at this point, just strange and kind of funny. I would expect that my brain would adapt and call these new perceptions "normal" after a while, but that hasn't been my experience. The "cartoonish" perception has gotten More pronounced over the course of 2-3 years despite not taking any more psychedelics. I'll try to explain it in more detail (but it's very difficult). If any of you have played around with the sliders in Instagram, it's like this. From what I remember as normal, it's like I turned up contrast, saturation, and sharpness 30% ish. And not just that, the shapes of objects themselves are "cartoonish" like they're sharper and rounder at the same time. It's sort of like being on a LSD microdose with light DMT visuals, but not really. My This phenomenon doesn't seem like normal HPPD (I could be wrong). Nothing "moves" or "waves." Whatever this is, is probably permanent. Why I'm posting this on the forum today is because this has gotten weirder all of a sudden. I haven't tripped in 2 years. I'm curious if any of you lovely souls have experienced this, and whether it got "worse" or "better." I'd like to clarify that it DOESN'T in any way mess with my ability to function or operate machinery. It's not just psychedelic related, I believe it can also happen with large changes in consciousness.

@roopepa as someone who read all 3 books of his enlightenment trilogy, I got what I needed from them and didn't hang on his worldview (or what I perceived to be lacking). The illusion that is Jed McKenna represented a perspective of awakening I needed to be reminded of, mainly, that there's absolutely no purpose or reason to it. He also clarified how horrible and difficult it is to the ego, and that it shouldn't be done unless you NEED to to keep on living. Enlightenment is not what it's cracked up to be. I recommend the 2nd and 3rd books, they were fun and illuminating.

@iboughtleosbooklist I'll be your make-believe daddy I wish I knew what my role was in this play, but I'm imagining myself being Lost and that's good enough for me right now.

@OctagonOctopus Who but W.B. Mason To tell you life's mysteries? Carry on my wayward sun...

@OctagonOctopus yup, it's one ever-folding /never-unfolding comic book. I love your username! Gave me a good laugh

@dflores321 thank you I know I am not real. What happens is that things in "my mind" materialize everywhere. I don't like it and think it makes existence futile. I'm conscious of how I'm imagining almost everything in this reality. "Synchronicities" are cute. Is this just my ego (which I'm also imagining), interpreting this as negative? I just don't know how to get past it. How will I ever have a genuine conversation with "another self" if I'm just imagining them, and am conscious of how I'm doing it, and how they're just a reflection of me?@Ry4n It can't seem to be reconciled. It doesn't feel genuine. It feels really weird. @WelcometoReality I feel like an alien, completely cut off from myself and others. Like I'm just watching shit unfold. I want to feel connected. I want to have genuine interactions with people again. I've been depressed for years and it's not helping at all. How would I practice loving kindness, and how do I get out of my own way. I tend to overanalyze situations and the metaphysics of them.

Everything is in essence lël. A meme. What is scene upon the infinite ocean we call the dream. Is it a projection out or in? Is it real, or something yet to have been? It is time to drop all lenses, all notions preconceived; The essence of lël you will perceive. Come with me into Divine amusement No rush; no time there is to do it.

Dear Leo, If you were to see this as the greatest obstacle to awakening, would you kill it? Or do you enjoy "guru-ing" too much? Perhaps ruling the comfortable playpen of other-selves gives some satisfaction; whether it's by watching, providing, or playing with them it matters naught. If you envisioned this not as an advanced community, but as a flock not far removed from the herd (perhaps even more deceived than the rest), would you run off into the night? If you were to see this as Maya's most devious invention yet, as an ingenious containment field enveloped in dense fog mere meters before the cliff, would you send the flock scattering? One or two may fall off the cliff, but nearly all, I'm certain of it, would gather in the playpens of other gurus, communities and dogmas. What you started here was begun at a different level of consciousness. But you see, your survival is bound to being king of the playpen. I understand your situation so I do not judge it. These musings are part of my journey, directed at me and for me. What does it matter that you have another playpen of spiritual containment? Just one of thousands. Even I have to admit that its design and your involvement in it is of a higher caliber, and that is its greatest strength and its greatest weakness. The stated goals you sell to attract a flock, just like any Guru, cannot be "achieved" by playing in the pen you've crafted. But the message you proclaim loud and clear is that "you can have it too." But you didn't get it from playing in playpens did you? You suffered as a lone sheep in the elements until you fell off the cliff, if you did at all. Even I wrestle with grand illusions of helping humanity. But the truth is that serving soup at a soup kitchen would be of no lesser service. There is no one to save. But using our gifts to serve "other" seems to be a baked-in rule of this reality. Or is it? Maybe meditating alone in a cave is of no lesser service. It's whatever we are called to do when we "release the tiller" as they say. That surrendering to the Universe is the service, what follows after is of no ultimate consequence. Dear Leo, have you released the tiller? Is this exactly what God called you to do? I ask not because I'm interested in the answer or that I believe an honest answer is coming. I ask because whether actualized.org is or isn't, it's all part of the Perfect Plan. Dear Leo, I smile when I imagine you shutting down the entire site without warning, never to make another video again. When one enters the website, there's just a single note, "I Am that I Am." You write a script or task someone else with deleting one video a week until they're all gone. I wonder if this is something you could enjoy. I'm going to post this on the forum, not because I think it's healthy to shake things up on a meta level (which it is), but because I finally understand why the forum is here. The allure of sharing with "other-selves" is too great. It's the only place I have to share it. I created the pen, but I am unbecoming of the pen. I can choose to play around in the pen because there's some level of satisfaction. Seeing what this playpen truly is isn't meant for everyone, but those who must know will find it then probably meander back to play. Maybe this writing is exactly what someone needed to slap them out of the trance of becoming woke and talking to woke people on the internet. I don't know, but it must be some part of a greater plan. As far as I'm concerned, it did its job already.

@somegirl an interesting question that can be answered at many levels. But at every level, whether it's deception to others, deception in yourself, or the ultimate lie that you are a human being on planet earth, you can observe them to be perfectly sustainable until "death" of the self. Death is the great leveler. All lies, all deception, and all evil is then itself seen as an ingeniously constructed fable. Until you die, there is only deception as far as the eye can see. A great deception is the denial of deception in yourself, or of "greater and lesser" deceptions to muddy the waters so you don't look at your own, and even of the distinction you created between lie and truth. "See those mafia men? They're so evil how can they sustain it? It can't right, because it must collapse into good action..." I look at your question and ask full of wonder: how can you sustain it? Every system must collapse. Good or bad. If you understand one thing from this, it's that evil is perfectly sustainable and is a feature of how you see the world, not of the world.

If you understand yourself as an infinite being who was never born and never dies, and can only "be," then reincarnation is perfectly in line with it. You might be an alien in another universe next dream, who knows.

Oooo I love it! I'll laugh and think of you when I get to it in my book.

@Intraplanetary if you're asking about the experience of it, it's like any deep insight, at first it's quite jarring. You could possibly have a meltdown. But once the dust settles, you start taking the new reality as "normal" and it's liberating. Reality feels much more "alive" and "mysterious" after this particular insight. But reading about it won't cut it. I suggest journaling and contemplating, or the most direct method of psychedelics. Prove the statement "I was never born" is wrong. Don't believe anyone. Once you get it, it's a real mind-fuck.

"Distraction" is in how you use it. Not inherent to a thing or activity. So, Ultimately, psychedelics are yes and no. The potential for "no" is absolutely in there, just as the potential for "no" is in a car crash.

@cetus Im still not quite sure what to make of that, haha. Maybe it's just me. Consciousness is all there is. . Though you don't have to be "a Buddha," it's just a fact. I'm a Walt Whitman virgin. A collection of his poems came in the mail today, can't wait to dive in!

That's interesting, though I quite enjoy the view.

Consciousness doesn't "appear." Wouldn't that suggest a dis-appear?

@cetus That still seems very 20th century. What about: "If you fall asleep during a netflix marathon, does it continue playing?"

@cetus what were you thinking of?