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  1. Wishing you good luck! And please share if you find anything that works for you hugs
  2. @Salvijus glad to hear your sister is doing well and that she's found something to commit to! As for me, I'm already doing yoga, have been to a Vipassana and other retreat styles, and tried several other yoga variations (like kriya), etc. It's just not enough. It was enough last year, January through June, but this time around I seem to have a more nihilistic perspective on it all and I'm lacking true motivation. Although I must say that at this point, a couple of hours later than my original post, I feel much better. Think getting it out of my system made a huge impact. Thanks for your reply! Hugs
  3. Hey friends, Background: For the past 3 years I've been alternating between being ultra healthy respectively ultra self destructive. It's about 4 months of each/year with 1 month of transition in between the two periods. For example: January 2018: transition from substance abuse and overall an unhealthy lifestyle into a healthy, vegan, sober, self-actualizing lifestyle. Then I remained super healthy throughout February until June. After graduation (high school) in the end of June, I had about a month (July) of transitioning into a full-blown substance abuse again in August. And it went on until mid-Jan 2019 when I decided to quit everything cold turkey and focus on my health again. I am seeing a professional since a month back and they believe I have a Personality Disorder Syndrome caused by my emotionally abusive and traumatic childhood, next week we'll begin an inquest/investigation to see if that diagnosis would fit. I've also been diagnosed with Severe Substance Abuse Syndrome, and General Anxious and Depressive state syndrome. Okay, so to the point. Although I'm healthy now again and I'm getting my spiritual/self-actualizing habits going slowly but surely (reintroducing some meditation and yoga, step by step, etc. also planning on studying a baccalaureate in Philosophy and Metaphysics - yes it exists - in the fall) I feel immensely sad. I feel like I'm a bore to the people around me - which I kind of know for a fact since no one wants to see me once I'm sober/clean. And not necessarily because they only like hanging out at bars or anything like that but mainly cus I become boring, I can't match them in their mindset because I'm leaving the orange-green spiral and moving towards green-yellow. Writing this I'm realizing it sounds like humble bragging - but I've just been laying on the floor crying for the past 10 minutes cus I have no one. My mom and her boyfriend dislike me too, I'm way too hyperactive at home around them (no social stimuli all day = I vent to them every evening about whatnot) I'm overall not a pleasant person to be around. I can't adapt. Seems like I can't be myself around anyone, I'm always playing a role and I hate all those roles. I am aware of what it is I dislike about my social self (1. talking too much about myself and my feelings with the closest friends/family, 2. not talking about myself at all with acquaintances so that they think I'm completely plain and "nice") but I don't know what to do otherwise. I can be aware in the moment of what I'm doing wrong (i.e letting a guy talk about himself for an entire date and pretending that he's the most interesting person I've met), but I have no idea how to pull the breaks. I know I am very self-absorbed, probably mostly because I'm an only child raised by a single mother who has been criticizing me all my life making me think everything is my fault - creating a hyper-awareness of my own actions, in an unsympathetic way. Literally thinking everything being said around me is about me, directly or indirectly, which makes me a bad listener and support for friends. This may seem like a small problem or a stupid one considering all the content relating to self development Leo has put out, but I am considering opting out or introduce self medication again, because I don't know how to proceed and I can't live with myself this way. I think what I'm looking for by posting this is someone telling me they're going through the same. Cus I feel so infinitely alone. And someone who can either say "go off yourself or abuse whatever substances you want, it's ok you're only human" or "get your act together you stupid fuck". Just tell me what to do, I'm weak, I can't think for myself right now. Love, Α.Ω.
  4. Hello friends, I recently finished the Netflix series Nightflyers by George RR Martin and found it to be highly stimulating - had to take notes from start to finish to try and map the symbolic meaning behind the theme, motive, characters, etc. Spoiler: it's most definitely about realizing God. It's based on the book by GRRM from the 70's which I'm now considering buying and so I'm wondering if anyone's read it and what your thoughts are? (my praise to the Netflix version is relative to what I expected from a mainstream production) PS. if you are about to watch it, keep an eye out for the literal references to alchemy, it's very interesting how it's planted A.Ω.
  5. @InfinitePotential right, same! Of course it's flawed, I can't even begin to believe that we are close to understanding everything. But I like mind games Not sure if I should listen to the beach boys or not lol Edit: Om and the 432 frequence are both so intriguing
  6. Of course, this doesn’t answer any deeper questions. But still!
  7. Hi! Sorry for the dramatic title but I need people to read this as I'm dying to hear other thoughts and views on this... While tripping on lsd 6 days ago I had a profound realization of all the senses (smell, sight, etc) and was sitting there, bathing in the moment of now. Then my friend said something to me and the sound of his voice hit me so hard I nearly started crying and I had such a difficult time explaining at the time what I had just "realized". So, basically, your eyes are the technology through which you see the world, and in order to see something the eyes need to be opened (except for the people with the rare skill of the third eye) and fixated on what you want to see. That is, you can only see what is in front of your eyes. The same principle goes for touch, you can only feel what's in contact with you - either directly or what's causing another substance to trigger your sensory system. Smelly particles that travel through the air are being registred only by your nostrils and taste buds, you cannot smell with the mouth and nose closed, so the principle of "contact to feelers" applies to this area as well. Okay, now I'm getting to the point. We already know that sound comes in the form of waves. And we know that we mainly hear through our ears. But, I'm sure you have noticed that even if you press your hands as hard as you can against your ears - sound still "comes through"(if loud enough), though extremely muffled. That means that the sound waves do not travel directly in through your ears but rather travels through the atoms of your body. I think a second "proof" for this would be that sound can be heard without the ears being aligned with the source of sound - i.e you don't need to put the speaker so that it's facing your ear. Same goes for smell though, but smells are, as I mentioned, particles floating around in the air, not waves that should be following a specific direction. What I mean is that if sound followed the same principles as light does, the sound would be distorted the moment the ears get turned away from the source of sound (like if you turn your back to a lamp, your perception of the emitted light changes) So light and sound are both waves (although light is particles at the same time) but the difference is striking. You can't perceive light with your eyes carefully covered but you can perceive sound almost through any muffling conditions. Also. If the bass, which is sound, is loud enough through a speaker it will cause a physical pounding/thumping. That means that sound can have physical qualities if strong enough. This is also proven by the fact that jet planes hit the "sound wall" which is an actual wall caused by the loud rumbling of the engines. So let's conclude this acid provoken theory of everything. Scientists are arguing about what the smallest building block of the universe is. Is it fields, strings, nothing? Well, given that we have a phenomenon that travels through human flesh; that can create a physical existence if strong enough; that has been important for human intelligence (language, music) - that according to Leo's part 2-video from the retreat is actually a fraction of the universal intelligence - I think that there is a legit reason to believe that... The universe is made up of a very well composed piece of music, vibrating into all the shapes there is. So what do you think? Is the universe sound, and sound alone?