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About MilenaS

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  1. Hi, For some time when I sit down to meditate, a thought enters my mind that what I do is not in harmony with myself. This thought is followed by a strong emotional reaction. I recognize it as fear. I fear that if I continue to meditate as I used to, that is, if I continue to concentrate on breath and meditate with a timer, I will break my inner integrity. I strongly feel that it would be wrong not to listen to this voice and instead continue to practice. I have resistance to keeping my daily habit. One of my parts, which seems to have the truth tells me that to be true to myself and stay on the proper path I should let go of my identification with daily meditation. Nevertheless, I sense that it could be self-sabotage against becoming enlightened. I am angry with this situation. I would like to feel okay with daily meditation just as it used to be earlier (although meditation was seldom pleasant to me and something I naturally wanted to do or feel enthusiastic about). But I am not content with the sense of helplessness, lack of choice and obligation to follow this part that tells me to break loyalty with meditation. I feel that I am robbing myself of sth I want. Before this inner conflict, I had a clear meditation technique and now I am somewhere between a new way of doing that and the old way with a feeling of impossibility to go back to the old way. Your reflection on this would help me so if you have any ideas or interpretations and you want to share it, leave a comment Also, if you had a similar situation, tell me about it
  2. Thanks to an exercise which Erik gave me, I discovered that it is not a failure to change goals quickly - it is rather a sign of quick progress, and a natural change of priorities. Those moments of a shift in perception of my life are what I love about working with a coach. You can confront your narrow bubble. Previously, I would be stuck in pursuing a goal that have already expired, or I would use tools which didn't work anymore. Now I feel much more freshness in my personal development!
  3. Hello I'm wondering whether an experience of unity with another person (on LSD, in sex) can increase the amount of empathy in a person's day-to-day life. What do you think?
  4. Currently, I am wondering: what is learning and when does it happen? It becomes clearer and clearer to me that mere repetition of some activity isn't enough. If I try to learn a new, deeper kind of breathing and I want it to become my new automatic way of breathing, it is not enouch that I do breathing exercises to teach my body a new way. If I am doing so without a proper intention, I intuit that the exercise will be of little usefulness. But I am not sure. Maybe conscious effort is not required, or it is another belief about how learning happens? Now I can start to believe that when I consciously remind myself that the exercise will do its job while I'm doing it, that exercise will work. How big is the role of believing in the effectiveness of some method of reaching a goal in the actual effectiveness of that method?
  5. It is deep what you wrote in the beginning: that the law state lasts shortly if we are quick to realize its function, its purpose. When we realize what those thoughts really are, they loose their power over us. It's great that you realized that you can speak to those thoughts and reframe them, exposing them from their power and meaning. This is the true work of changing who you are on a cognitive level.
  6. To use a word that is common in spiritual circles - I often enter a dullness state. Oh, I forgot about one more thing: I was thinking about this notion of techniques that fit your personality. How true is this assumption that not every technique is good for everyone? To what extent should a spiritual practitioner shift between different techniques? (especially looking for the proper amount of activeness) Could resistance such as in my case point to the fact that I stick to the wrong techniques?
  7. Hi, I have been doing attention practise, waiting with an object and contemplation practise from Peter Ralston's book "The book of not knowing" and I cannot progress. Every time when I sit down to do one of those exercises, I immediatelly feel a dramatic decrease in mental energy - I feel tired (but more in a psychological sense, not physically), I do not perceive my thoughts clearly and I feel anxiety. What is important to mention is that I feel that way also in other types of practices - in every kind of sitting meditation, while writing in my journal, while thinking intentionally (as opposed to just watching the thoughts), while reading a book, and visualizing. Basically, in all activities which require mental effort. I think a huge part of the problem is that soon after I started meditating, I associated this practise with discomfort. Meditation was hardly ever a pleasant experience. I am wondering whether my psyche creates a defense mechanism against self-improvement and enlightenment work because I unconsciously expect suffering while doing the practises. Part of the problem could potentially be heavy metals intoxications. It is also possible that these advanced techniques from Ralston where I feel the worst are too hard for me and I should go to easier practises. But I don't want to entirely drop them. I went through a process of quiting it, and coming back several times. This strategy feels like an escape for me. I feel I need a strategy for what to do with this cause I feel I'm stuck. What are your thoughts on this?
  8. Same thoughts as Victor, what is important is the intention, the belief of importance of what you do. I would also say that what is true to you inwardly can be, and should be, 'tweaked' by outward techniques. If your face is about to be seen by the one who receives, train in front of a mirror to see whether your facial expression is congruent with what you are saying. Also, you can practise visualization - you can imaine yourself speaking with the confidence, right intention, from your heart and seeing the receiver being inspired. ery clearly see the receiver listening to what you say and getting the aha moment. How does the aha moment looks for them?
  9. Hi I have a conflict going on inside of me regarding which domain to choose as far os my career is concerned. I am naturally good with music - I have a good ear and it is easy for me to come up with a melody, or even to imagine a whole song. Since I remember, I enjoyed singing. I have a background in rhytmics. I play piano (I consider myself beginner/intermetiate) and I enjoy it. I create songs. Despite all the above, when I try to imagine myself going deeply into the field of music, something is not right. I do not have a strong 'yes' for this. When I play or sing, I am not excited about becoming better in it. In my childhood, I used to draw a bit, but I wasn't good at that. In a philharmonic I would come up with movies in my head that were built around music that was played. I enjoyed that a lot. Recently I feel called to do drawing/painting or graphic design. A year ago I had this urge as well, and I tried learning drawing for 3 months for 1 hour a day. I didn't like it. I still, though, feel as if this field was not 'penetrated' by me enough to tell whether I like it. I have this warm feeling when I thing about beautiful images. Fairy tales like. I'm wondering to what extend I should trust what I like from the very beginning, and to what extend it is true that with time I can start enjoying sth. Is it true that some activities I will never enjoy? How is it related to how my brain functions? The second thing is this opposite between natural predisposition, and felt meaning - which one is more reliable and will lead to lasting motivation? Of course, the ideal would to ful that sth is deeply meaningful, and enjoyable at the same time. There is also the field of philosophy, and passion for articulating abstract ideas within language. This, though I find hard to me. It is not natural. It is a little toxic passion, I would say. But I love the moment of transcendence, the feeling that everything I do is meaningful, that I do the deepest thing. At the same time, I don't feel good while thinking and conceptualising. At least, not always. I feel I need to have one chosen area. Simultaneously I do not feel it is possible for me to choose one. Having several fields evokes anxiety because in 1,5 year I will be finished with studies. I think what blocks me is inability to shift for a while the field that I am in because of fear that I will lose time. And also I see how it is hard in the beginning. I also see a potential unconscious mechanism - when sth is enjoyable, I sabotage it by creating feeling of that thing not be the proper one, or the meaningful one. If you have any thoughts that comes to your mind while you were reading this, please share them. It would be useful to see all this from another point of view.
  10. Do you feel that you have picked the right subject to study? Maybe you should study another field. Regarding what you said that you feel that nothing that you do make a meaningful change, maybe start doing charity, or something with intention to help others. Personally I had, and still have sometimes, the same feeling - that what I do is only for myself and thus has no real impact. What helped me a lot is doing things that I say have real positive impact on someone. It's important that you clearly see this impact. Do you have a values system? I think that could help you overcome the feeling of numbness. The dissociation can be a result of you not doing what your soul craves. Maybe you are not listening to your desire to express yourself in some way, maybe you are not following your passion. Ask yourself a question: is there something I would like to learn/somewhere to go/something I want to talk about but I'm avoiding it? It there is something I avoid doing/saying, is it possible to be courageous and do/say that? Could it also be that you are addicted to fixing the belief that you hold that something is wrong with you? Maybe it would be helpful to you to accept the fact that you belief so, to feel deeply into the feeling of being inadequate and not trying to change the very fact that you want to change yourself. Have you tried to practise being a parent to yourself? You can give to yourself what you weren't getting from your parents. Writing to yourself in a journal in a loving way, holding your own shoulders, visualizing yourself with ideal parents. I don't know what kind of therapy works best for you, what tools you use, but if you are aware of which tools help, try using them to give yourself love and acceptance.
  11. I have changeable emotional states. A lot of contradictions within me. For example, I have an impulse, strong need to do something, and when I start doing it I very soon become bored by it. It is most often present when I do one of my routines, e.g. playing the piano. For some reason I became allergic to routines. And I experience a lot of fear because of that need to break routines. I imagine that if I stopped doing the same things every day, I would lose control, and wouldn't be secure (mostly financially. In the future as currently I am a student). I have this abstract need to leave the whole day unpredictable but when I cease to do one of my routines I am in fear and new things aren't more fulfilling. The next day I drop into routines and I am even satisfied with them. The situation became more intense after my recent break up. I had opposites within me toward my partner - I needed to be close, then I would push him away. Right before my decision to break up, I had a strong intuition that I cannot be with him because if I was, something wrong on the spiritual level would happen to the whole world. I cannot explain it. It was such a strong intuition and I connected it to my inner guidance. But when I broke up, I immediately started to question this guidance, I started to have the opposite feeling, I had a strong regret, I wanted to go back to him. What is most difficult, and what connects the break up and my allergy to routine is the feeling of being unable to change anything about my situation. I feel as if I didn't have any control over my behavior. As if I literally couldn't make a change in what is happening in the present moment. Like, I theoretically could but I feel this is an illusion. Other times I feel that although I theoretically could take initiative, that initiative would be somehow unethical. I interpret the ways in which I would respond as something that should be omitted. This abstention pattern is a source of trauma for me. I have a feeling of fear because every day my ex is more distant from me, and I have this thought that I could stop this process and get him back. I don't do this, though, and it makes me feel freexed, passive. I feel that I'm letting go of sth that I do not want to let go. I don't understand why I don't do anything. In the same time, I feel that I do not have pure motivation to go back, and that going back is not good. I'm sorry for the scatteredbrain nature of this post, but I needed to just pour it out of myself. If you have any reflections or describtion that could help me symbolize my experience, I would be grateful.
  12. Hi! I'm a student of psychology and this year I'm starting to write my master thesis. My topic focuses on the importance of integration after having experienced an altered state of consciousness. To go further with my work, I need participants willing to be interviewed. I need people who write reports after a psychedelic trip/holotropic breathwork experience/any other type of process which evoked an altered state/mystical state. Also, if you share your experience in a community, e.g. after a ceremony rather than using writing, that is perfect as well. I would be soo grateful !!
  13. @EugeneTheSage I've copied and saved the link, you can delete it
  14. Hi, can you add a link to that map here? Now we can only see a link to the form.
  15. Hi! I watched Leo's mindfulness guide based on Shinzen Young mindfulness system and I have a question: what does savoring process mean in case of inner sounds? Does it mean that if I hear a phrase from my inner dialogue I should consciously repeat it (like an affirmation) and this is called savoring or the phrase should appear repeatedly in my mind without my effort? I'm not sure if repeating the phrase consciously is the proper way to do the cycle (maybe if automatic repetition does not occur I should drop that sensation). In his video, Leo suggested repeating the phrase. But was it only for a beginning to get in touch with inner dialogue? Here you have Leo's video where he talks about mindfulness. What do you think?