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Everything posted by Surfingthewave

  1. @soos_mite_ah Behind the misogyny and bravado of red pill thinking, is a deep desire to meet The One - to have a relationship, to experience love. Because love is messy often involving heart break and rejection and can be anxiety provoking, instead of realising this is the reality of modern relationships these men often turn to spirituality forums to find the answers. Loneliness is an important part also, it's easier to rant to a lot of women/other men about your lack of sex life on a spirituality/self help forum anonymously than go and get the help you need.
  2. @Kksd74628 Good for you, sounds like you have a clear reason and purpose. The biggest insight I had on my journey was that I realised there was no spiritual "path" so to speak. There was only infinite consciousness. Every moment is a mystical experience in a way. Good luck!
  3. Books to read: Girl, Woman, Other by Bernadine Evaristo Orlando and A Room of One's Own by Virginia Woolfe The Descent of Man by Grayson Perry Men Explain Things to Me by Rebecca Solnit The Color Purple by Alice Walker The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk To name a few
  4. @Kksd74628 In my opinion you are doing too much "spiritual work" trying to change too much too soon and have too high an expectation of mystical experiences. It's honourable the dedication and commitment you have but also sounds exhausting. Drop all expectation and maybe think about choosing two or three things to change on a daily basis. There's a danger you may throw the baby out with the bathwater. Mystical experiences can be a subtle shift, not a dramatic change. Experiment with your meditation practices, try different teachers and techniques. 1 hour a day is a lot for a beginner, what techniques are you using? Try Shinzen Youngs noting meditation, or Rupert Spira. Have you tried Yoga at all, as we can get stuck in our minds. You didn't talk about self development, what is the main barrier to your development in your life right now? Is it confidence, self esteem, relationship? What is the so called spiritual work trying to fill in your life? Do you feel a sense of lack. Why do you want a mystical experience?
  5. @Emerald I like your points about the patriarchal mindset and yes the masculine mindset has been a dominant world view/perspective for a very long time (this forum is a good example of this). Keep doing what you're doing, it's refreshing to observe your challenging of the patriarchy in an intelligent and non-biased way.
  6. Why should qualities of the masculine/feminine be certain? You appear to be continuing gender assumptions through your list of traits. I understand your point about Yin and Yan and associated elements however I think we look to justify opposites through dualism in masculinity /femininity which has come about through our upbringing and culture and it runs far deeper than make up and colours. The more awakenings one has the more the dualism traits are broken down. I'm not sure I agree about masculine /feminine energies - we are one source consciousness ultimately. When we individually go to the place of our identity, in meditation for example, depending on our gender, we are aware that this place does not exist. We objectify gender expression as we do relationships etc as a way of perpetuating the illusion of self. Energies of masculinity /femininity are just perceived as being more rigid and separate by our cultures and backgrounds. Be careful not to perpetuate the separateness in your work. @Jacob Morres Thanks and good for you, looks like you'll be having authentic and genuine relationships going forward.
  7. What's interesting about this discussion is if you break it right down. What is masculinity and femininity and where have these constructs come from? Yes I agree with the need to integrate the two but why should something be masculine or feminine? Being part of the LGBT+ community throws a lot of these assumptions out. Depending on what culture, religion, background, ethnicity, country, sexuality and upbringing the masculine and feminine binary moves between polarities. Gender, like sexuality is a spectrum yes but who says what's masculine and what's feminine. These are all concepts in the eye of the beholder. I don't wake up feeling a bit more masculine due to integration. It is part of who I am. As I'm sure other men may want to integrate their feminine sides from doing inner work may feel resistance based on societal pressures to be a "real" man. But where has all these come from? Who says masculinity has certain traits and femininity has the opposite? One of the reasons both genders struggle in these topics is because of identification and perception based on the backdrop of millenia where gender roles are assumed and seen as binary.
  8. @Ya know It sounds like you're on the cusp of an Awakening. What you've described sounds similar to a backlash because you're starting to walk into the light. I would suggest not only keep doing what you said but also don't forget to forgive yourself. You describe yourself as a vampire, you can still continue as you are but with the Knowing. When you play the game (in sports and in life) you know that the end result doesn't matter as much anymore. You begin to enjoy the moment more. The more you surrender the more amazing it will feel. Be aware you'll always feel that pull back to monkey mind and ego, just observe it and carry on.
  9. @Ya know Great post (maybe rethink the title) You're on the right track, keep questioning. You're feeling the pull to what's the Truth. Nothing is controlling you, just walk into the light. Letting go is individual to everyone you need to find the best way for you. What makes you feel calm, centred and real? Go there.
  10. @devoid When I got help for grief and trauma I had to meet those difficult feelings I was avoiding. It was a difficult and painful process but the best thing I ever did. It sounds like you're avoiding this. You may need to go to the pain and sit with it to really allow it to move through you. Perhaps look into shame and how this may have affected you. Brene Brown has done some good work. Are there any support groups you could look into. Journalling can reallly help also as well as talking to close friends. Self Care and Self Love are what you need. Do small things for yourself every day. Start the journey of healing.
  11. @Someone here Where has the panic /anxiety come from? Was there a particular incident or it is a more general feeling? CBT is good therapy for panic and anxiety. Do you have a job/meaningful life purpose? Pets are good to help distract. How much exercise are you getting? Sounds like you know that thoughts are not real. Sounds like you are identitifying a lot with the anxiety, giving it power. Why do you think that is?
  12. @Someone here Sorry to hear about what you go through. Have you explored autism? You mentioned change is difficult. Just wondering about the neurobehavioural stuff also. I'm no expert but worth looking into.
  13. @Charlotte Do you feel helpless in other parts of your life. Sounds like this fear is a metaphor for something bigger. What else is going on for you, do you feel things are out of your control in other areas? Look for the imbalance in your life. Something you really and truly love, you nearly lost, what does that mean for you? I'm sorry for what happened to your dog.
  14. So how DO you let go? According to Michael Singer you allow the feeling, thought or sensation to arise within. You move towards it, not away from it. You relax and you release. All of these parts of the process of letting go are different but serve a purpose. If you struggle to release the feeling thought or sensation, why is that? Is there something you need to work on. Being aware of the resistance to the feeling, thought or sensation is enough. Purification happens when you allow the form to rise up, expand and contract within you, you can also do this formally through meditation or Yoga. Quite often just becoming aware of the following - is it a thought, feeling or sensation - can help this process. Is it Visual, Verbal/talk Auditory, Physical. Localised or generalised in the body. From where did it arise and to where will it go.
  15. You've just described a very common experience. You said no clearly and he didn't stop. There's the problem. In my opinion, consenting to feel in control of a situation isn't consent, that's more self protection. This is a very important topic of discussion. I recommend watching a BBC TV series called I May Destroy You, made in the UK. It's all about consent but - trigger warning - it may be a difficult watch for anyone who has experienced sexual assault. Someone mentioned communication earlier, this is key. If in any doubt about consent, communicate. If a person says no, it means no, if they say yes, they mean yes. There's no grey area here.
  16. Yes - because the Red pill theory is written by men. Impressive analysis. Particularly your breaking down of psychoanalysis and Freudian theories. These are all very dated, however. Freud famously described women as inferior to men. What I would say is looking at the book list all the books are written by men. If you want to find out about a woman's desires perhaps read more womens studies and research about how women view their sexuality and gender. Date women not to get laid but to understand how a to be in a relationship with a woman. I think to really analyse Red Pill thinking come at it from the understanding about what it might be like to live in a world where women were viewed as second class citizens for a very long time, and still are by many cultures. How does this impact on Red Pill thinking?
  17. @PlayOnWords I think this runs deeper than a discussion about the truth behind sticks falling. I'm sensing this is about your PTSD which you believed to be real for some time, up until you challenged it through EMDR, well done by the way. Your belief about what caused your PTSD was your feelings. Feelings can feel more real than thought. Thoughts can start the process but feelings can make you believe what you're seeing and experiencing is real. Feelings can override thought especially ones of imminent attack. Using EMDR you had to go back to that trauma and reprogramme it so the experience was different. This has left you questioning what we believe to be true. Yes being or direct experience will always offer us Truth but to experience it we have to feel, we have to think. Experiencing our human-ness through sensations is the ultimate gift we have. Break down those sensations to what they truly are. This will lead you to your Truth, what you are questioning. You have demonstrated that we can overcome emotional distress (with the help of a guided professional). The mind is fascinating, so keep questioning it.
  18. The Power of Yet Dr Carol Dweck talks about the Power of Yet in her TED talk. She talks about the importance of rewarding others (and yourself) for experiencing difficulty and turbulence on your journey. Rather than rewarding only the end result, rewards must come along the way. Rather than failing, it's thinking I haven't achieved it...... Yet. The Power of Now is strong but the Power of Yet is as strong. It gives us hope. This has been an excellent paradigm shift for my Life Purpose. As an artist, the struggle is real everyday. Reward yourself just for being on the path and overcoming difficulty. The mind dreams up many reasons why not being on the path to mastery is better, and why procrastinating and laziness is far more fun. The Power of Yet cuts through this. It may take 10 years or more, but the journey itself is sure gonna be fun. Those years will pass anyway so if I can be a successful artist along the way then hell yeah, I take on the challenge. Rather than chasing and chasing I will enjoy the path of mastery, as I know that what's yet to come will Enlighten me further.
  19. The Illusion is Real Wow I've really been drowning in the illusion this week. Mostly family dynamics and historical stuff but at what point does the illusion become real? When you believe the illusion. The mind creates stuff just to exist. Just when you think you're progressing - nostalgia can hit you like a ton of bricks and you're right back again swimming in the lllusion, like Alice in Wonderland when she swims in her own tears. There is no struggle remember, just thoughts, feelings, sensations doing their thing. Letting go of personal preferences is the bit that can suck, but becoming conscious of all this stuff makes the ride a whole lot easier. How do you become conscious when you're too busy trying to stay afloat? Float downstream not upstream.
  20. @ted73104 I resonated with your post. The feeling of a need to fit in and your parents wanting you to succeed. You hit the nail on the head with the title - the expectations for yourself are unachievable almost - so your life becomes a struggle. The best part about your post is recognising it. Professional help might be good to unpick your cultural, religious and societal expectations you put on yourself. Sounds like the perception you have of yourself is not of love but of constant chasing. How do we change our deep rooted negative perceptions? Through spiritual practices. Through professional help. Through starting again. How can you give yourself Love? Take yourself on a date. Care for yourself. Do things you love. Start to break down those attachments you have to achievement and begin to realise you are enough. As you are right now, you are enough. Start to change those scripts. Change is yours so grab it and start to see the beauty in what you already are.