Surfingthewave

Embodiment After a significant time in meditation, contemplation, silence and study I've had a breakthrough. I've experienced a deep realisation. True surrender, true letting go is embodiment. Embodiment of my life situation, form, personhood, the avatar that is "I". No longer resisting no longer running from. The feeling I experienced today was true love and deep acceptance of myself as consciousness, multiple energies dancing to the moment like different frequencies of sound dancing in the wind. True embodiment of: Previous life trauma, anxious overthinking states, work stress and flaws I see in myself which are actually perfectly amazing and meant to be part of consciousness. These flaws are in fact energies, beautiful energies meant to be there. Embodiment of Goals, dreams, desires and wishes. Physical states and body sensations as well as past and future states. Energies as source, as awareness but in a different way I have felt before. Instead of the witness or looking "behind" the form I have become the embodiment of what is the form. I was resisting this for so long. Massive, massive trap on the path. My advice to others stuck in a similar situation is contemplate what letting go truly means, feels and what the experience this brings. Whether you use psychedelics or not the main lesson here is, whatever you think it is..... it's not! Be ready to be mindf****d beyond belief, radically open your mind then let it all go. Sometimes it's about being kind to ourselves and not trying too hard to work on ourselves.

Taming the ox and riding it home In Zens 10 ox herding pictures, the process of understanding and attaining enlightenment and/or consciousness, I am stuck here, between these two stages. Taming the ox and riding it home, or fully letting go, integration, is harder than you think. I've heard it being described as falling "up" rather than falling "down". As my insomnia continues I wonder if I am stuck here for a reason. I'm still clinging on to desires and goals and some thoughts but I'm also experiencing kensho or satori on a daily basis. Fully letting go of it all, it turns out, is like jumping off a cliff. The crazy thing is I'm addicted to ego, it has been my identity for decades. I know part of it is because I'm doing this work against the back drop of my "normal" life - work, relationships, duties, media, news, responsibilities, etc. If I was alone in the mountains on Retreat maybe I would be galloping home on that ox no problem. Let's see where I end up. Quote from Rupert Spira's The Transparency of Things "As soon as we stop superimposing feelings onto bodily sensations, they cease to be an abode of ignorance and confusion and are revealed instead as a beautiful display of creative energies dancing in the emptiness of Presence, revealing its fulness moment by moment". Addition: When we sleep, we dream, we let go. Why I'm struggling to sleep? I'm struggling to let go. Trust myself, trust consciousness, trust what is.

@Raptorsin7 Yes it can be very difficult. I think every person's experience is so unique. For me it's about equanimity or not desiring to change/resist what occurs in consciousness, on a daily basis. The deeper you go with this work the more things seem to come up to the surface but if you keep up the practices regularly you realise it becomes easier to let it all go. I also came to realise everything I thought I needed I already had within me (or was coming to me) that stops the seeking. One tip or major stumbling block I hit a few times is the path itself can become a distraction. Make sure you take time out to have fun, relax and switch off. Also do solo retreats where you get a big hit at once. That ramps up the embodiment/integration. Other thing I would say when things get really really tough, that's because you're on the brink of real progress.

Leo's latest Video I see deep inner conflict and deep suffering in Leo's latest vid. I see someone not resting enough or taking a break from this work. Physical health issues are a manifestion of emotional difficulty. Next Steps- Walkabout In Australian Aboriginal society Walkabout is a rite of passage for young males to transcend childhood and make a transition into adulthood, usually as a spiritual practice. Its time for my own Walkabout. For so long I have been carrying weight from the past which has conditioned my current perceptions. After lots of deep inner work, where these difficulties have risen to the surface it is time to shed this conditioning to pave way for my higher self, my Truth. I will enter a new phase of expression and exploration without any focusing on end result. I have already begun to experience deep states of bliss but I continue to be pulled back to habits of the ego. From silence comes energy, healing, new beginnings and Truth.

@Raptorsin7 Good for you and good luck integrating your awakening.

Judson Brewer discusses craving, resistance, distraction and how our mind plays tricks on us. How we really want to be distracted. He talks about how for enlightened folk this appears very differently in the brain. What's interesting here is the discussion about how awakening experiences can occur without previous experience of meditation. https://deconstructingyourself.com/dy-009-craving-mind-guest-judson-brewer.html

Updates from the illusion... Sometimes you just need therapy! Well I've come to realise this and it's been a relief. A lot of trauma, stress, stories etc etc. However my baseline of consciousness has seemingly increased through the continued work. I feel myself resisting less and floating more through life. A spirit/consciousness having a human experience not the other way round. The "direct" path is the key. See the veil. See the screen. See the door. As I walk through years and years of conditioning I begin to reach the bliss. Keep following it. Let go of heavy expectations of yourself. Let go of resistance. Enjoy the journey.

Hello dear readers A break from the forum has helped me to gather myself and sink into silence. Addictions can come in many ways and just be aware getting addicted to this work is a sneaky way of distracting you from the work itself. I've had a really hard few weeks, stress, insomnia, overthinking and stuck in the self. Whether this is an ego backlash or not it felt like a bit of a test. More and more I see the illusion we all live in. As William Blake wrote about, The Doors of perception really does keep us stuck in our own conditioning. I continue to work on letting go and experiencing the sense of awareness. Yesterday I spent time looking at the way my arms and feet move (sounds weird I know). Patience and faith is an area I am focusing on. As well as celebrating those small moments in life (listening to the rain outside, birds chirping, the stars at night, a great refreshing drink) I have a new found energy of faith and intuition. I had a strange feeling that something bad was going to happen yesterday and I did get some sad news. I hope you are all well dear seekers.

I wanted to do a bit of a review of where I've been and where I am now. I feel I'm on the brink of a major shift in my life in terms of making gains in my life purpose, deepening my meditation practice and tacking those long term goals such as financial independence and freedom. Since 2015 I have been on this path. Here are the gains I have made. 1. I have set up a regular meditation practice which has been life changing 2. I have had several awakening / mystical experiences, some profound enough to change my perspective on life radically 3. I have completed several solo retreats and two group retreats 4. I have taken up meditative Yoga, Reiki healing, Lomi massages, chi gong and breath work 5. I have begun studying the spiritual path and various gurus, teachers, mystics and guides 6. I have completed coaching training through my current job 7. I have made massive gains and successes in my career in the health profession 8. I have re- set my life purpose to suit my values. This will involve transitioning out of the health profession and into mastery in the arts 9. I have dealt with long term relationship and commitment issues, I have come out the closet so to speak and married my long term partner 10. I have dealt with serious emotional difficulties: grief following the death of a close friend and deep trauma from psychological abuse I suffered in my childhood 11. My anxiety and self esteem difficulties have been greatly reduced and no longer impact on my life 12. I have found my voice and confidence. Previously I was unable to communicate in groups /public speak without symptoms of severe anxiety 13. I feel joy, fulfillment, love, self forgiveness and gratitude most days. 14. I have tackled soft and hard addictions such as watching tv, social media /tech, criticising, gossiping, over eating, alcohol, over spending That's not to say my journey hasn't been difficult and is far from over. There are still things I am working on and will continue to work on this life long journey. I've had major set backs and ego backslashes on the way, some setting me back for months at a time, particularly when I was doing deep inner work. My advice to anyone on this path: it is the most amazingly profound and challenging thing you will ever experience. It will bring you to your knees and will change your life in such positive ways you can only imagine. For now I feel the pull to silence. I will be leaving this journalling here for a while and take myself off the forum. I shall return for further insights on my journey soon. For now dear readers and seekers, keep fighting the good fight. Silence speaks. ?

What am I actually letting go of? - Positive / Negative thoughts of what is happening (reality/experience) - Thoughts in general - Perception of experience What am I actually changing here? - I'm allowing reality and the moment to guide me - Through the daily inner work I am guided by awareness or source which enables me to achieve the dreams I set myself - I have everything I need to let go and surrender to the reality that is before me - My perception of myself. I'm not this person***** but rather an expression of consciousness through this person***** What are my next steps? - Follow my intuition /gut feelings / source - Allow myself to be guided by reality. - Ultimately letting go to what is. Tools to get there - Regular daily meditation - Regular daily life purpose work - Regular daily well-being work

On the last day of the year I finally realise I have been given a gift. I woke up this morning with an incredible sense of awareness. I saw the beauty around me. In everything. In the sounds of the birds outside, in the design of my room, the feel of the early morning light. I've had a difficult few nights of insomnia but today it was different. I woke up having slept, with the thought, what if there were no thoughts? The end of my seeking has really begun. The start of my deep inner realisation has begun. I have been born with this gift and I am thankful. True seeing is not in thought, not in feeling, not in perception, not in sensations. True seeing is like the eyes on our face, like the sun and the moon, it's just there, ready and waiting to be discovered.

@OmniYoga What techniques have you been using these past 4 years?

@Alex bAlex 1) Listen 2) Name it (I think you may need to talk to someone/you may need some support ) 3) Have some suicide prevention / support numbers in your taxi to give out 4) If they are actively talking about suicide and methods go to nearest place of safety e. g hospital or police station 5) Remember the smallest thing can make the biggest difference. Get some training yourself so you feel more equipped to help, particularly around mental health difficulties and support.

@Pouya Good for you ? sounds amazing. You just got to the ultimate purpose of why we, the strange creatures we are, are here in this crazy, majestic, beautiful, indescribable world.

@DivineSoda Fear appears to be holding you back. What out of all those options brings you the biggest joy, makes your heart sing, you could be happy doing only that? Meditate on this, a lot. You have done a lot of work to get to this point so well done. Now is the fun part......

Struggling with sleep right now, have upped my spiritual practices recently but also looking at link between diet and sleep. I tend to eat a largish meal before bed. I mainly do eat meat however once a week, and most of the time I eat pretty well. In the past emotional pain always seem to go to my gut, very sensitive area, have looked into sacral chakra healing in this area. Anyone found success with changing diet and impact on sleep?

@Bill W Yes I did you've summarised very nicely, I think I meant Hawkins. Yes very similar but I haven't read much of Hawkins so I will be in the future.

@Bill W I'm a big fan of his writing - he cuts through the BS. Very inspirational, particularly when writing about addiction. Seemingly he's been key for your path to recovery too. He's got a new book out about his mentors, one being a spiritual guru.

I revisted some of Leo's vids recently. Mainly the keys to self actualisation, techniques for living the good life. 1) Self experimentation 2) Radical open mindedness 3) Experience Sometimes there are too many facets to this path, I don't stick to anything. The above three points to self actualisation are key for me. I can often be too close minded and not self experiment enough on difficulties areas such as finances, freedom and life purpose. I often still get too wrapped upin how I want an experience to be rather than how it actually is, in actuality. What are we here to do? To have the best quality of experience (through skills such as mindful meditation) To have a range of experiences. To drop illusions and fantasy. Something @Bill Wposted recently resonated with me, based on Alan Watt's Letting Go. Be humbled by experience, discover the power of experience. Although you may think you are the one experiencing, it is more powerful than you, so let go of perceptions of experience. Suffering comes from our own versions of experience. Joy comes from realising we are perfect, and the experience is enough just as it is. Key insights from Rusell Brand I've always been a fan of Brand. He is clearly on the path to enlightenment and a bit of a modern day Jesus type, both in looks and personality in some ways. Brand talks about realising this perfection he has come to realise through recovery and years of inner work means he now sees life for what it truly is. Not something we need to take from to make ourselves feel better but as something we can give back to, as gratitude for being here, for experiencing.

Sorry I'm not a fan. But plenty of other people to follow.

@aklacor727 My first mystical experience. The first experience of not being the "I". This changed everything for me- career, sexuality, who I was, what I was on this earth for.

No, no and no. Stop reading out of date books which have nothing to do with sex and relationships. You need some serious life lessons about femininity (as a lot of men do on this forum) and the only way to do this from women themselves! Go and meet some women, talk to them, read some modern books on feminism and go from there. You have very bizarre opinions on women and independence, is this a cultural thing or a family thing? You need some good female role models. Keep asking questions but let go of all your assumptions because my dear seeker, as a woman I'm telling you these assumptions are wrong.

@Alyosha Thank you for opening up here. You seem like you are going through a lot, physically, mentally and emotionally. You seem to be chasing pleasure (as we all do) but for the wrong reasons, perhaps. As you are self actualising you may find you backslide a lot before you go forwards so maybe this pleasure you seek in sex and drugs is giving you quick relief from the difficult inner work you are doing (but I'm no expert). I think you're right to obstain while you continue to do this work. What I also suggest is giving yourself pleasure in more healthy ways such as going for therapy massages and/or reiki healing as it sounds like you have a lot of blocked energy. I would also say how do you express yourself creatively, as you go through this work you may find strong emotions or feelings arise so it's how you channel this in more healthier way. Music, art, walking in nature to get back in touch with who you are. You also mention digestive problems. You may have blocked chakras so you could look into this. If you suffer with a lot of fear and anxiety this could be linked. Your body may be purging all the negative stuff. Suffering from erectile dysfunction can impact on all aspects of your life, so here is where you may need some more expert help. It's important to give yourself self love during this time. Remember this suffering you are going through will be temporary, this will pass. Keep doing the meditation and healing. My other suggestion is do talk about it. When we keep problems in our heads the power it can have over us is immense. When you talk to those you trust it releases the power and blocked emotions. Good luck on your journey ?

Ghosts of the Christmas Past The chains of the past I've been dragging around I've let go. I'm not that person anymore. Reflecting on this year I've made small steps but also giant leaps. I made some bold moves in my relationships and in my work. Ghosts of the Christmas Present This is all we have so why spook ourselves out with our incessant thoughts in the present? I continue to surrender to what is, let the now become my guide. Future ghosts or clinging, longing and goal obsessions takes me away from the present, from what is. Ghosts of the Christmas Future This is about what's real. Not from video, screens or thoughts but reality. More gurus, more experiences, more feeling, it's time to take my work to the next level. It's also time to make that giant leap in my life purpose and begin the transition out of wage slavery and into my dreams. @Raptorsin7 I can relate to this. I feel like you are on the verge of some mystical experiences very soon and this will guide you to where you need to be. That magic you talk about that lifted you out of depression is still within you, your energy has just got a bit blocked, perhaps? The inner work I continue to practice is to reconnect with the now, to let go of thoughts/ the mind and to live from a place of conscious awareness. Thoughts don't guide the work. It's about surrendering and in doing so, living the dream.

@Raptorsin7 I have practiced shadow work, yes. My meditation practice brought up deep trauma / emotional abuse I suffered in my childhood which was something I needed to work through. It sounds like you may be going through something similar? I was very resistant to facing this. Instead I was angry, suffered with low self esteem, chasing the wrong things such as success etc and couldn't assert myself. I had tried counselling but tended to walk out as soon as I was beginning to get to the heart of the trauma. This is why meditation really helped me. Journalling was also really key. No I haven't done Leo's LP course. I have a good idea of my life purpose is already.