Surfingthewave

@SamC @SamC I don't think you can actually because telling me how I should or shouldn't be feeling is exactly my point. I am sensing strong feelings from you about this issue. Why do you think you had an issue about this with your partner? I agree to disagree with you, no hard feelings. I'm sorry if you feel like your opinion isn't valid but perhaps reflect on your tone?

Can you see what you are doing? That's why we need the thread.

@JohnD Thank you Just to be clear, further explanations of gaslighting: Undermining another person's reality by denying facts, the environment around them or their feelings (as what happened to me in the last thread). My feelings were undermined. I think it's important to discuss how to spot it, any experiences you may have of it and to shut it down by pointing it out. For example: A wife might tell her husband he is shirking child care responsibilities, he responds by refusing to acknowledge it's even happening he's gaslighting her. This thread really isn't about me and my experiences it's about what people perceive gaslighting is.

I'd rather talk about what what I made clear at the start of this thread. Would you care to diverge some more information about this experience. Just to be clear no one has the right to say who is or isn't a victim @SamC and @Gesundheit so please refrain from doing so.

@Tovius This is it. It's happening now. You just haven't recognised it yet. The anticipation you are experiencing is normal. Drop into/experience the presence of awareness when you practice. Whatever that feels like, that's it. Let go of everything else. Let go of any effort. Rupert Spira and Adyashanti have some good meditation practices for this.

Interesting how we struggle to articulate this. The insight that shifted things for me: 1. It's about the balance between striving and surrendering. 2. As above.

Like an intense partner, you need to take a break from it for a while. Once you do, you'll enjoy it a whole lot more when you return.

@ir8221cu This will pass. Keep up your practice but maybe have a break for a while. Reconnect with others. We're in a global pandemic so many people are experiencing intensity of feelings whatever that may be. Don't worry you won't ever completely dissolve your personality or ego ?. Just do things that bring you joy for a while and let go of the fear.

After many years of meditation (my) sense perception has altered considerably. Intuition, sight, sounds etc. Goal-less meditation is important. Whatever goals you have for meditation, for a different approach, drop it. It's important to remember this isn't about effort, it's about a recognition or a realisation. Effortless awareness can arrive quickly, you don't have to put in hours and hours. The fun starts when (the meditation) is meditating the "you" you perceive to be rather than the other way round. With enough practice "you" no longer are a person "meditating". The meditation becomes..... (insert your perception here).

@BipolarGrowth Why do you want to meditate?

@Valwyndir What if I (my ego) told you the ego could be a concept? You're then theorising about theory. You're could be using the ego to define itself, the very thing you're saying is perfect. One cancels our the other so then, what are you left with?

Tackling shame What has been my biggest fear permeating in every aspect of life? Getting things wrong and getting laughed at. How has this manifested in my life: Perfectionism (overworking) Fear (mainly of doing things and succeeding) Anxiety and physical symptoms (not being able to speak in public for example) Shame Shame is a big one. In meditation today it came over me like a wave. Shame and sadness for myself. My daily walks have been like therapy. I intend to move through this shame through meditation, yoga practices, reading, journalling, art practices and self love. Over 100,000 people have died of covid in my country. I feel sadness and loss. We ask for healing and oneness right now.

@Seemore There's no difference whatsover (from a female perspective) Male/female is another duality to become a non duality. With enough work you can get there. ?

@Valwyndir I feel for you dear seeker, you appear to be stuck in a bit of a rabbit hole. Mainly the ego trap. When we're stuck it could be because we're about to make leaps forward. Keep up your practices, refine your work and maybe stop the preaching a bit? Good luck and namaste ?

@Valwyndir When we like to point out a person's flaws we are actually pointing to our own. You make some important points, do you think you may struggle with attachment yourself? What are you struggling with? Perhaps it's being told what reality really is. This work is like holding a mirror to your beautiful self. And realising, there is no self. The beauty is in fact, what's around you.

Yoga Nidra and triggers Had my first Yoga Nidra session. A 45 minute session is the equivalent of 3 hours sleep. The science behind is a culmination of yoga/meditation - you are letting go of physical and mental blocks in the body through guided visualisation and breathwork. Sadness and other emotions arose post session. What are triggers? Situations that bring up deep feelings within us that may cause difficult or distressing thoughts. Mindful awareness is good here, as well as self care and seeking support. Focus for the moment Life sustains itself. Let go of the ego and life takes care of itself through you (Adyashanti). Does it really and truly matter (to your ego)? Let go by letting the moment embrace you. Life will sustain itself. We (the self) can't handle this however , we think that life is "me" or "I am....."

January update: Returning to source Something about returning to source has hit home for me. Practices: One month of daily Do Nothing meditation One month of daily enlightenment exercises (Deepak Chopra) Daily walks, readings, regular yoga Continuation of Abraham Hicks allowing (wow this does really work) Regular art practices - drawing and printing Update: In deep meditation I sensed and felt infinity, a beautiful whirling space of nothingness and everythingness. I felt a pull to it but as soon as I began conceptualising what it was, of course it slipped out of grasp. There are days when ego has a tight grip and days when source is there. The path becomes another conceptual form. I know I'm breaking free and watching the chaos around me. I sense a time to ramp up my practices and a pull to creativity as this is my life purpose.

@SilentTears Thank you I hope you are doing well too. Sounds good, mindfulness can bring real joy. @Raptorsin7

What happens when you really merge with what is? Like really and truly with your entire being or your field of awareness. What happens when you let go of any resistance to the moment at all? Resistance can come in many forms. Thoughts, sensations, feelings etc. When you move into this field of presence, you can become the field of presence. There is no longer a witness. You are then able to awaken. It can take moments or years. It's so simple but for many a lifetime of work.

Thank you @Raptorsin7! How's things with you? How is your practice?

Happy New Year dear seekers My last entry here was April last year, after which I quit the forum. I was projecting a lot of difficulties I was facing onto other things (including the forum and Leo) I wanted return to review where I'm at now. The biggest thing that happened was of course Covid. The outbreak that happened in my country, around the world and the subsequent impact on my daily life as a health worker was massive. It made me deal with some significant emotional issues from the past which were impacting on my enlightenment and meditation practice and stopping me from moving forward. I was angry, sad, upset, struggled with soft addictions and struggling to come to terms with who I was. I am now in a place where letting go has become a daily practice. I needed professional support and a great deal of work to understand how to move forward. The main take away is you must face those difficult feelings. Under my anger was fear, sadness and loss. Moving through these feelings was life changing. Self care and self love became a priority as was being active, healthy and connecting with nature. The more I learn, the more I realise how life really is a mystery waiting to be explored. I am aware of my infinite nature, that connecting with that open infinite space potential once you let go of ego noise is a thing of beauty, love, possibility and peace. Let go of what is holding you back - yourself. Let go of all that resistance. It could be fear, anxiety, sadness, regret. All of that is just sensations in the never-ending space that is your potential. Allow those things to be there. Invite them in. When you you do your life will change. Relax into the ever expanding moment and forgive yourself. There is something much bigger than you to behold. I continue to study, meditate, be active and create but most of all I feel joy in the small things. Don't let the beauty and mystery of life pass you by. Happy New Year and namaste ?

Interpreting that video can be done in many ways. Yes there were profound statements. But there was also: - Gradiose, delusional thinking - Talks of ending his life and has plans to do this - Saying goodbye to loved ones - Isolation, no one to check in with him - Taking of substances, substance misuse - Giving us a "message" through a manifesto - Retreating out of real life - Intense mood swings, high and low states in a short space of time - Talks of justifying dictators, extremism and rape - Obsessive desire for Truth at any cost - Lack of purpose If anyone lives near to Leo please check in on him. He may need a psychiatric assessment.

I've been a follower of Leo for five years. But recently I've felt concerned for Leo, his obsession with discovering Truth and his claims of being God. I'm concerned for his unstable mental health and I don't think he is taking responsibility for the influence he has. There is a wider discussion here about the dangers of publishing self development on You Tube particularly when you have absolutely no qualifications whatsoever. I don't think my concerns have been listened to. I'm out of the forum and will be unsubscribing. I want to thank Leo for the work he has done, the moderators and followers for all the amazing discussions I have had with some of you as you have helped me with my own self development journey. Good luck to you all, sending love and peace. Namaste ?

@Serotoninluv Thank you for your response, I have enjoyed and learnt a lot from your views and experiences. This is absolutely about me and no one else. You summed it up by using the words pause. This is a pause for everyone particularly at this time, and for me it is also my personal development and where I want to go next. My underlying intuition and resonance is telling me to observe but to change direction. Keep doing what you're doing, you and a handful of others makes this forum a quality one.

@Nahm Thank you, and keep being you (there's a lot of meaning in that) Time to take a leap of faith.... @LaucherJunge Cheers dude, as a chick on this forum (I like to keep up the pretence) I'm outnumbered. Maybe or maybe not..... see you on the other side ?