now is forever

@tsuki i don’t try to defend your mother nor am i trying to defend the belt. if you once made up your mind the belt and the hand thats holding the hand are no difference but seing who holds the belt makes a difference, seeing it is not about you, the belt it is about the hand that speaks to you. it is about what the hand learned to be a tool through another hand, to show love, to point towards a direction. and understanding how to forgive because it’s just that the hand didn’t know better. but you do, your hand can learn to know better. it has nothing to do only with your country but of course it also has - as the belt my grandfather held to my father has something to do with my country, this grandfather was in the party later on, well not very actively except for his contacts he probably had, but you know what that means for a german, in that sense he was a little bit more of a watcher than a watcher, ideologically. so the belt itself stands for something. and the hand itself stands for something - both are about spontaneous self control. and it’s about holding weapons/no weapons in general. (i practically don’t wear belts anymore) so why does it show us something about ourselves if we interfere or not interfere?

yes but the same as writing that down with numbers. these are only lines if you don’t look beyond the lines. a phrase is a phrase is a phrase.

no there is no thing, as a thing is just a concept. if a thing = everything, nothing can’t be everything but everything is already nothing therefore the solution of this would be a thing = nothing

today i got an insight about how i made sure there would be no running away anymore. ? there won’t at least not on my part. it’s a challenge!

@tsuki how does the picture your mom has about men fit with your grandpa and dads behavior? i‘m not saying that your mom is not wrong in projecting that onto you, but can you see how that dynamic ever happened - or is it more something she learned from you granny or from society? i know that it can be a problem when women are scapegoating men in general - but this aggression is often derived from seeing the male as the aggressor and transferring the aggression towards a general oversensitivit in regards to men.

@tsuki so you externalized emotions or where you just watching them or suppressing them? what does it mean to disown emotions?

who used the belt then? i know that it was or is a miss belief in a lot of cultures that a slap here and there is good for education. i grew up in a family where slapping was banned. my mom made it clear to my dad that she would leave him if he would ever dare. i had some wrestling with him though when i grew up initiated by myself, it was not equal but equally aggressive. once my grandma slaped me, i slapped her back. the aggression/abuse in my family is a psychological one though. but every form of violence is. in a sense my mom subscribed to be the psychological punching bag, the buffer for all aggressions and i learned that i wanted to protect her the same as she protected me - being a shield for a shield. that’s how i ruined my school life.

@tsuki reflect on what is incompetency. or better, reflect on what’s incompetency vs. incompatibility. competency is just a part of specialization and control thinking.

to live or to not live, is probably the only real choice life gives us. i consider it as no one’s right to moralize about suicide, because life and death is the only nothing we own inherently. even though the external world tries to get an ownership right to it. but having only these two real options you may realize nothing else really matters than making a decision, and you could at least try to live life fully, before you decide to bet on the no return option what is not a real option because you will go there anyways some day with only the choice of making it happen faster.

you mean they do it because they have no choice? there is some truth to that. in a broader sense by the way - i think there is nothing wrong about maintaining shape. but it also doesn’t really have something to do with singing or a good voice - that’s just preconception. maybe we miss a lot of good music because the mainstream industry is so sex driven. and ps: i don’t look like my avatar i’m a yoga girl.

@Key Elements know what - i’m happy in europe a lot of people have a little different understanding of what a sexy woman is so i learned very early that individuality/personality/uniqueness attracts exactly the same so i’m singing already my song without shaking my ass. and it’s a lie that i can’t sing it’s just that i don’t always find the good tunes. and isn’t it sad that you have to have a nice ass to be a good singer.

yes but i just returned to the op’s topic. talking about sex with changing partners. but yes convenience can also happen in longterm relationship. i’m not sure if transcending sexuality in longterm relationship should happen too fast. if planing with a lifetime it might happen someday anyways. being needy towards sex is probably a mind thing and can happen as we know even higher up the spiral. as neediness comes from a sex drive.

@Key Elements yes, but what if the space is already preconceptionally taken by convenience? it’s very difficult to get orange out of convenience. green is already thinking more altruistic. so thinking about sex as a self treat is very orange. green purification happens when you see the joy in the other person in regaining sexual liberation. thinking that purification can only happen through celibacy is very dogmatic and dogma is always blue or further down the spiral. picking up one self would mean in that sense finding another solution than pick up. something like sports with benefits. or photography with benefits or nude painting with benefits. i don’t think that turquoise transcendence of sexuality is possible without green sexual liberation. what also means deobjectification of the sexual partner.

@Key Elements yes that’s also right - but there is always only the guidance that’s available unless we go search or get guidence out of another dimension. it’s the same as with food - you can always only eat what’s available or what you make available. guidence is just guidence - decision/discernment makes the difference.

yes you are right, accepting guidence means not without reflection on which guidence is the better one in the situation guidence is offered in. a lot of my experience is based on realizing what guidence was the wrong one in the aftermath either my own or guidence of someone else. that’s how we learn don’t we? we gain with good decisions and loose with bad - though we can still gain with bad ones. it’s just more hurtful. making better decisions is often based on the availability of more than one possible approach. experience helps.

that’s why a relationship only works when both work on themselves - how much nicer it is though when both are able to guide each other. as we see our blind spots only through a mirror. a relationship like that can only work if we accept the guidence of the other.

@tsuki by the way the morning clouds look like dragonsscales. maybe that’s why it fits so well with a dream.

@tsuki so did she pass through? or did she turn around and walk away? i just wonder, maybe she couldn’t hear your alarms ringing, maybe she thought it where her own and tried to hide it. and why did they draw blood? i can read that so it makes sense - but that wouldn’t be the first time...

because leonardo davinci might have been really sage like, at least he was close to a higher source of being - and i don’t think he just enjoyed life. and also yes, in a sense maybe he did but he worked hard for it, living basically at the edge of the middleages, and certainly was not sleeping with women, what for sure didn’t make his life easier in these times. there is a difference in being an artist and being one of the greatest artists in history - and living such an easy life is still not possible without having donors or buyers who make life affordable. until then you have to strive high to even get to the point that someone with money fancies your art - unfortunately there are not a lot of rich people with taste for real art so the way to the top is not one without sacrifices. you need to strive to get to the top without caring if you‘ll make it there. just art for arts sake, only to get a chance. it’s usually not just happening to you - and for those people who get it for free, they often have real spiritual problems and various layers of hollowness. they often struggle with it because they loose earth contact (rising fast, falling fast - a rollercoaster ride)

not in every case i mean there are certainly degrees of furiness. even though we want to trim and suppress our inherent furiness. it‘ll just grow back.

no what it meant was you don’t have space for anything except you, how small that you might be depends on perspective, a great person might not care and see that there is a lot of wasteland. because all you create is lines - you don’t let anything enter as your ego is a fixed mindset bubble that needs to defend itself against its own inferiority complex. that’s why you are fucking around, while instead the worlds shadow is fucking around with you. you are trying to teach something that doesn’t fit with actualized org and behave like a teacher. regarding weed - it’s certainly an interesting plant especially in sense of cbd oil and some other substrates regarding pain relief and other medical functions. but the shaman of this forum already stated several times that he wouldn’t use habit forming substances. and certainly would have interfered until now. i‘m sure you already got your portion, but still you are trying to teach it to others because - yes you are so full of yourself you don’t even try to understand the difference in getting wasted yourself and trying to teach that shit to others. well you are so fully inflated to yourself that you even try to squeeze into unattended spaces. as there is no authority to stop you, the only authority to change yourself is yourself. see the dilemma?

sounds good tsuki, hope you fixed together the parts of two different broken teapots. no one will notice, because it’s so beautiful. glad you found kintsugi. (it can even pour tea in two different directions like that)

@Highest at least you have humor. no really start questioning your preconceptions, stop being so full of yourself, there is not much space left for anything else.

i feel honored.

guess that would take a lifetime - don’t know if i have time for that... . i I entails everything you need to know if you are aware of it.