now is forever

@Zigzag Idiot i‘m very thankful for that! i just want to remind you that a complete heartopening always only happens in a protected space/frame - there is a reason why people chose to found monasteries or why gurus need followers to protect them. there is another way, a way of hiding it away. and there is a point where we must accept choices people make, because self- determination is a human right. in an absolute sense it is the right to live or to die - reasons are ultimately a matter of metaphysics. it is only a yes, no, maybe because i am forced to delete all of them by hand. and i can’t do that without attachment as i lived through a very intense time while writing them. as i tried to convey what my heart told me. i don’t want to leave data behind but it takes me hours to delete it - and my voice is not being heard, or is heard but not being answered to. even frustration is gone, what remains is sadness and the wish it could be easier to be allowed to retreat, from this space i have inflated myself into. i just want to vanish. i don’t want to be understanding, describing or motivating anymore. yes it’s a deep melancholy about being not disappointed as i tend to be a sceptic, now more than ever before. you probably talk about something else so never mind. my mind is preoccupied with leaving.

because the forum is not obligatory to selfactualize. you wouldn’t probably wonder how many people never be part of the forum while stil watching the vids. i never wanted to be part of this forum, although i was fond of the vids some years ago to add some more actuality to my selfactualizing life. self actualization in that sense is not new, but realizing it can be teached online specificated as what it is with a longterm spiritual awakening goal behind is new. no connection to the forum required. although it’s certainly an interesting aspect to discuss what it ultimately is about. if we are talking about processing you are already doing it without being aware of it anyways. so you selfactualize any second any minute - question is always the content of actualization and how it is aligned with your spirituality, you can actualize yourself in so many directions that you can actualize into a monster or a human, but you always start out being a monkey.

that would mean we only ever hate what we are not identified with, if we are identified and still hate or feel attacked we start a process of disintegration. that’s why even oneness is mostly always a partially integrated oneness where an otherness still exists. it‘s also interesting how we fragment otherness to keep our own oneness alive. or how we create oneness of fragmented otherness in sense of responsibilities. another question is the difference of feeling of hate and how hate looks from the outside. as hate usually comes out of a place of vulnerability and wrong coaping mechanisms. from the ego perspective hate sometimes doesn’t even look like hate from the inside, it is also only a survival mechanism, to protect other survival mechanisms. that’s why people don’t understand how they look from the outside. how they project hate through their feelings of fear or suffering or loneliness that reaches others in form of hate. and there are also people who can discern and know but feed their hate like animals and pet them. of course the sensitivity and reaction of the person who is the fear/hate projection aimed at does matter, too. sometimes people seem like being hateful but instead they just stand up to protect what needs to be protected in its right to live against hateful survival mechanisms aimed at them or others or nature. hate and fear and suffering are a codependency, it can be broken only if both people or participating parties step out of the circle of suffering/hate/fear infliction. absolute hate absolute love dynamics can only be understood through mirroring processes. i really liked the video about how to deal with toxic people. although i recently got into a situation where i was protected by a male against another male who inflicted psychological and physical hate onto me where i really felt that sometimes hate is pure unconditional love without any other reason that absolute love must be protected through hate against absolute hate because of what you choose will be your kingdom.

deleting some conciousness matters... it’s all past i can’t cling to past thoughts - i just imagine how it would be if i had to take a backup audio recording of everything i would say and then going through it a second time. how hilarious. how much data we leave behind online... although some data i try to keep longer than others, i can delete them in the end like the reposting i‘ll just delete the reposted stuff with hiding the whole journal, as a final step.

spirituality is not the religion it is what you spiritually embody towards another person or towards the world. how you treat another person how you value living beings. there is not more spiritual or less spiritual it is about the quality of spirit and awareness you have towards another person. there is no perfect person, no person without fault but how can you value another person while not forgetting yourself? why is it so important to value yourself, you might ask. the answer is the way you value yourself is deeply connected to the way you value others - and the way you value others might influence the way you value yourself - there is no either or in this example, no better or worse. they could probably both work on themselves it‘s not their religion that makes them human or not, it’s their concept of humanity that does - you can find humanity in both religions. the religion is not what makes the human, the human is. although i know of more devilish deeds of christian priests than of buddhist priests.

sounds like the same person. i always know when he’s right, it’s very uncomfortable then because i know i could do better - mostly i forget though that he could do better somewhere else - that’s why usually i get to learn and he doesn’t.

@mandyjw hahaha my dad is a thomas. he is one of the most intelligent and practical incompetent people i ever met. he‘s like a book, but you can’t hammer one single nail with it.

@mandyjw who is thomas to you mandy? i wondered, you used the name. it’s just out of a little bit of interest for the name. see what do i need a bible i can always ask mandybiblepedia.

oh goddess i didn’t make it soon enough, now i have to attend sunday school.

no sexuality is only suffering if you think of it in a victim mentality, you are always the predator if you think you are unaware of them. don’t be - you can be with women in a very friendly manner without sexuality getting much involved if you start to notice them differently. the best friends of a friend of mine are guys she slept with though - they got over it, realized they don’t fit and everything was fine. doesn’t work out every time though. what i want to say - yes sexuality can be a problem especially in communication and how open we communicate with others.

bullshit over and over again with a sentence like that.

we could say if enlightenment looses reason there is no point for enlightenment anymore. enlightenment looses reason and does reason disservice.

english is a wonderful language for metaphysics, really beautifully simple. also some words exist in english that other languages can’t say in one word, like the word commitment. but it is not able to grasp some other words quite well. words like „reason“ in german there are two reasons „grund“ and „vernunft“ it’s basically the difference between reason and Reason.

there was nothing and nothing ever happened because it was all for nothing - it didn’t make a difference.

i guess in the end we can still hear the bulldozers coming in - i hear them. it’s really hard to delete one after the other posts, why do these words feel so important sometimes? they are not they served a reson for a simple moment in time. i‘m creating some voids in my akashic records. the part where i ever existed.

really? wow thats great! ? you also changed your picture...we are bananas at heart

probably... i already have so many books i didn’t read yet. and they don’t have them lying around in hotels anymore. so i‘d need to buy one and think that’s very unchristian. i know that’s something to burn for. but then i‘d prefer to burn in shivas ring of fire. i‘m not sure but maybe jesus would laugh about this, as he probably was one of the most heart open people in history.

@jbram2002 i‘d need to read the bible for that... i read it once when i was younger, i think it was a child’s version and it was quite readable like a fary tale. but i liked the first testament more... and i almost can’t remember anything. there where a lot of sheep and shepards. but i‘ll probably never discuss the bible seriously...as i really am not a person who likes to stick to rules just because they are written in stone they can be written in the wind or in the air but stone is to heavy to carry around.

he didn’t want to bother her, how funny is this.

there is a hidden commercial in the picture

maybe we are all waiting for godevil... was he a knight of the round table? ?

but he made water into wine. didn’t he say it was his blood? also the holy grail metaphor... the dragon. there is much room for interpretation. the thing is i don’t care much about religion, but if he was a non dualist, he probably had integrated the female side. the bible has always been a matter of interpretation. what we learn as a religion is the history of the religion. if we would discuss if it’s catholicism or protestantism who is right, then wouldn’t it be the catholicism that would be the older religion and even wouldn’t it be the jewish belief as the religion jesus was probably part of... so why not having a 2.19 version of beliefs. i don’t know i‘m playing the witch again. the devil ignores me though.