winterknight

But who is the one looking and noticing the robotic nature of the robot?

You just said earlier that I thought is "i" -- and then you asked "existence itself exists is this who i am" -- that suggests you’re asking whether the ego exists. That is a confused question. Or if you're asking whether "existence itself" is the I, that is an equally confused question. These questions are all coming out of confusion and are stated in confusing ways. When I asked you who is asking them, you seem to say "existence itself," which makes no sense. So either a) study or else b) ask to whom these questions are occurring every single time they come up and feel that I... hold that I, grasp that I, pursue that I, chase that I. It is not "existence itself" asking these questions -- that is not true. Find out to whom the questions occur.

What you think of as a separate I is a lot like a robot, yes. But that's not where inquiry ends. Inquiry ends in the recognition of the "true I" -- which is neither dead nor robotic.

The truth is beyond the question of whether the ego exists or not. That question is itself egoic.

So existence itself is asking the question? You are tying yourself into verbal knots. This is indicative of confusion. That's why you should take my advice and read the scriptures.

Again, who is asking the question? And what is your difference between "i" and "I" again?

If you have to ask, I think you know the answer. Who is asking this question?

I don't understand what you're asking. Can you rephrase your question?

That's a good question. There's no harm in pursuing self-inquiry now if you so desire. It will probably help you. But if you don't feel you're up to it yet, that's fine too. Try to feel what you want and pursue that. Btw, I don't know what you're doing for your depression/anxiety, but I always recommend psychoanalysis and/or psychoanalytic psychotherapy (not just therapy generally) to all seekers (and frankly, to almost every sensitive person looking to better their life). PM me if you have any trouble finding a good provider.

I don't usually answer questions about "my" experience, because the answers are always misleading and not helpful for seekers.

It is not my body-mind who am relating to you by thinking/imagination, but some intelligence beyond the usual thinking -- some divine intuition, we can call it -- is using my body-mind as an instrument. Those are both pointers to surrender. One cannot fully surrender voluntarily; one can only partially surrender. Full surrender comes by divine grace. Nothing self-deceptive if one tries to follow these instructions while realizing that. And "letting go of letting go" needs to be understood properly -- it does not mean simply be as you usually are. No: first you have to let go as completely as you can. Then God will help you let go of letting go.

Much better

The 5 dimensions of body? Do you mean the five sheaths of body (koshas)? What kind of in-depth information exactly are you looking for?

This. As long as this question bothers you, realization is not clear. Yes, please do that. And again, consider reading the scriptures.

There is no question you have increased in clarity. I don't think that is delusion. But what makes me doubt that it is complete is that you are not grasping the paradoxical nature of the instructions to seekers. Ultimately this is all proved in life: the test of realization is effortless peace and clarity at all times and situations. So you can just see how that plays out over the next weeks/months and then you can decide.

Again, the question reveals a problem in clarity. Who is it that finds the seeker?

If you have to ask that question, you're not done. Just stay as the I and ignore all other thoughts. You've gotten some clarity but it is not complete.

any more questions?

And what does it feel like, this I?

Don't ask me, look into your own "I." Who was aware of the inquiry, of the silence, of the holding of the silence and rejecting everything else, and then of the moment when there was a thought that it "went wrong" and now of this question about "no-thing"? Has that gone anywhere? What is that?

I know what you're saying. I'm trying to redirect your attention right now -- who is that "I" who was both in that silence and who now things he "went wrong"?

Do you think silence needs to be held on to? Where would silence go if you simply stopped trying to hold on?

Who is holding the silence?

I am very strongly on the side of resolving psychological issues by not just spiritual but also psychological means. This means being honest about what you want. To do that, you can use what I call the 'science of desire,' something which I lay out in my book -- but basically comes down to trying something or imagining it, noticing how you feel, expressing that feeling, and then refining your idea of what you really want and how to get it. Do this as long as there is inner conflict -- some kind of gap between what you think you want to do and what you actually do. The other big thing is a specific type of therapy: I'm a huge proponent of psychoanalytic therapy or even psychoanalysis (they are somewhat different; psychoanalysis is longer and more intense). They are of great aid to seekers.

Simply stay as that silence. Don't follow any thoughts. If a thought comes up, notice the silence.