To whoever may read this, My Name Is Adam.
Currently, I am 21 years old. I am living with my parents in Upstate New York as I have my entire life. Throughout the past few years of my life, I have allowed myself to start seeing things from a different way than I have for the most part of my life. This doesn't really mean anything super special, as if I am enlightened, or a Guru. I am not.
I guess you could say this is the start of my story.?
The first time I really remember encountering consistent struggle in my life is around the time middle school started. People seemed to deviate into their own cliques, or social groups. I never really had a specific social group. I guess you could call me a floater or loner or sorts if you'd like.
I have struggled greatly with finding a place in life. Socially, career wise, relationship wise, ad infinitum.
Through my years in High School, I found solace in drug use. For that period of time, that gave me fulfillment and some sort of purpose in my life. Albeit, not true purpose, but I guess you could say I was fairly content.
Around 16 or 17 I started experimenting with harder drugs. This eventually led me to a very dark part of my life, in my relationships to a specific drug that alot of people seem to struggle with.
I have attended 3 rehabs to date, and have, in the recent past, been a member of a 12 Step program.
For a bit of time, this 12 Step Program gave me a place to feel at home. I had a social circle, I did service for a greater good, and I lived in better alignment with my true nature.
Eventually, this wore off, and seemed to almost deepen my confliction with self. I could say that 12 Step Programs are fundamentally flawed, and maybe there is some truth to that, I don't really know. What I do know is that, there was a turning point caused by my choice of being a part of this 12 step program.
Instead of being so outwardly focused, even if my perspective was flawed... This program helped me to see that I can take responsibility for my life in many ways. I guess in a sense I eventually outgrew this program, and my relationship with substances has changed since that point.
Snap back to reality (Ope there goes gravity), I am at weird place in my life right now. For the first time ever, for some reason, I have been given an opportunity to see things differently, once again. The Technique/Philosophy See Hear Feel has given me a different perspective on life.
For the first time, it feels like I can actually see. I guess my thoughts about this philosophy kind of goes against the whole idea in the first place, because my thoughts are something I Hear.
When I See, Hear, and Feel, for a split second or two, there is this place where I can be present. I can experience life how it is, without judgement.
I see my monkey mind drifting me from whatever sort of existence this is that I describe.
I am feel struggle with some things in my life currently, the most apparent being the bad habits I choose to partake in. The beautiful part in that is, I Choose. I have Choice. And I Can Change. If I Want.
I'm taking Leo's Life Purpose course currently, and am going at a fairly steady pace. At the beginning of the course I was all Gung-Ho, but there's no need for that I feel. Being careful to not get caught up in the trap this can be.... I can remain consistent with learning from this course while not procrastinating.
I'm not even really that far into the course right now, but I think I already feel My Purpose. I've been playing guitar since I was 5 years old, and have recently started singing. Being no to cocky about it... I am a fairly decent musician, and I have talent. Although it scares the living shit out of me ( I think thats a good sign ) I feel it is going to be the thing I should master in my life.
I have a 1991 Dodge Camper Van I am currently renovating in preparation from living out of it, and traveling America. A rough Vision I will further refine in the course is as follows: Pursue Music (Mastery of Guitar specifically), travel in my van, and create youtube videos about it.
You can expect more from me in the near future, but that's on you. I feel like I don't like to guarantee things hahahaha
Thanks for reading.
