Thanks in advance for your response.
I was just watching your "How to Actually Practice Mindfulness.." video and what caught my attention was this idea of detachment. I've always understood the idea of observing ourselves and watching our actions and letting our emotions play out etc, but what caught my attention was the word detachment and how that could lead to becoming less reactive and more mindful. The reason I struggle with this idea, is because I have detached myself a ton in life to survive trauma and recently I have been working with a sex therapist to become more in touch with my sexuality. I have been raped a few times and thus during sex I tend to detach and become an observer in order to do exactly what you are proposing (I think) to become less reactive and just let it happen, right. But recently my therapist has said to start to become more present in the situation. That moment where I feel myself becoming detached - I should stop having sex (my partner knows about this in advance) and come back into my body and continue once I am present again.
OK - so this is my question how does one becoming more mindful by being in the moment and yet detaching as well? What am I missing here? Perhaps you all are speaking of two different forms of detachment? I have no problem detaching and observing in life, but it seems to be a bad idea in the bedroom? Or is it that in the bedroom I am unconsciously detaching and that is the problem? It is more based on stimulus as you mentioned? I know this has some complicated layers, but it is so much easier for me to move on with logic based reasoning as to what I am doing wrong or misunderstanding.
As a side note, that might help other men or women who have been sexually assaulted. I am truly working on finding my sexuality again, trying to reawaken that part of me that became buried. I don't feel like I even have a sex drive or have the ability to be horny. So I am trying to be truly mindful in this area and really present during sex. But when you feel dead, numb, no emotion towards something, how to you gain it back? I'm mindful that I am experiencing emptiness, now what? What is the difference between being detached in a mindful way versus a detrimental way?
Let me know if you need more information to even respond.
Thanks a million!
-A
