Deziree

Within every woman there is a wild and natural creature, a powerful force, filled with good instincts, passionate creativity, and ageless knowing ~ Clarrisa Pinkola Estes. My mind was soaked in fear. Fear of the unknown. I was fearing my family. The fear of judgement. I felt like I was under hypnosis regression. Traveling back into a parallel life where I wanted to live the high life, free spirited, earning lots of money, taking risks, my family wasn't happy with my decisions. I encouraged someone to drink beer. There were people close to me who quickly dog piled on me asking why would I want to associate myself with something like that. A battle of virtues. This indicates a fear of moral judgement. I do make plans which are sometimes not successful. Yea I want to visualize a clean environment. Yea there are people in my life who hold me back. But I am trying to navigate that. I'm aware of things. In fact I am aware of things everyday. Been through ups and downs. Just be there for yourself. The world doesn't change. Yesterday another neighbor died of a heart attack. She was an old woman. 85 years old. Her son took good care of her. Yet life is so unpredictable. I have to persevere harder. Time will go by. It will be difficult to keep up. My heart is with the one. I have been struggling with some health issues. Things are still fine. This is the end of the year.

Mind boggling.

8th December.

I don't see comfort in it. Rather lousiness and a need to make quick money and notoriety. Glorification of prostitution. Eventually people will condemn the repetitive patterns of her behavior because that's not something we want kids to look up as role models. Hedonism at it's finest and moral debauchery. It's not even normal. A complete lack of emotional involvement. That's like a blow up doll sorry. This is not sex positivity at all, rather sexploitation.

Both PBD and Nick aren't serious people.

If I'm listening to music, I do get engrossed into it. But often music tends to push me to get more emotive and that stimulates poetic contemplation. A session of piano before contemplation would be nice.

Your expectations seem unrealistic. That’s not how progress works for anyone. Even highly talented people have to put in years of focused effort to reach excellence. Modern culture often creates the impression that things should come easily, but that’s rarely true. Real achievement has always required patience, discipline, and long-term commitment,ideas of effortless success are more fantasy than reality. Anything meaningful demands sustained work. Even raising a child is a decades long investment, and maturity itself takes time. Skill alone is never enough, attitude and work ethic matter just as much. Even when you do have ability, the work doesn’t disappear. Quality is built through consistent work, not ease. It may help to reconsider your expectations. Growth and mastery don’t come easily for anyone, including those who are naturally talented. Talent still requires training, repetition, and persistence to turn into something meaningful. We’re often surrounded by stories that make success look quick or effortless, but those narratives leave out the long periods of patience and hard work behind the scenes. Real progress has always taken time. Anything worthwhile is a long-term investment. Even raising a child spans decades, and learning continues well beyond that. Skill matters, but without commitment and effort, it doesn’t go very far. Even when you have experience, the work remains. Good work isn’t effortless,it’s built. Your expectations don’t match reality. That’s not how success works for anyone. Talent doesn’t replace effort, skilled people still train hard and put in serious work to be good at what they do. The idea that life should be easy is a myth. Real achievement has always required patience, discipline, and long-term effort. There are no shortcuts. Everything meaningful takes time and investment. Skill alone won’t carry you, mindset and work ethic are essential. Even when you’re capable, the work is still demanding. Strong results are earned, not effortless.

Having a family puts us deeper into survival mode. So it might take you away from it. Spiritual paths involve so much hard work and commitment that everything becomes a distraction to such work.

I used to get panic attacks in childhood. After a long journey of panic attacks, the parasympathetic system kicks in and takes control, slows down the heart rate and the brain registers it as a false flag. It can be intense in the moment but our memory systems keep all the checks and balances in place. So hopefully they will taper off.

You can focus on things you really want in life and continue to pursue them. You need a balance between survival and enthusiasm.

Good question.Most bad decisions feel good at first. Most good decisions feel uncomfortable initially. You can consider this while choosing between short-term relief and long-term clarity. There's opportunity cost. Every “yes” is a hidden “no.” Time, energy, and attention are finite. If you don’t consciously choose, they get chosen for you. Especially if you feel drained or scattered. Prioritize your situation and check if your mental model actually achieves your outcome.

Nothing beats the immortal power of Vit C.

Yes it can. A 100%%. OpenMW is a modern, open-source reimplementation of the Morrowind engine.Your original Morrowind game files(Steam / GOG / old CD all work).Install OpenMW via your package manager or website. Once installed, OpenMW will ask you where your Morrowind data files are, and that’s it.

Industrialization and corporate greed ruined it.

Standards will always exist. They help us cope with life. You rate a grocery store shopping experience or an electronic device because you don't wanna be scammed or not get something worth your penny. It's about trust and letting other consumers make better decisions. Regarding people, I'm not sure if anyone rates people, it's usually their services that are rated.

I think academics will ruin that field with their dogma. You have to do independent research and experimentation.

They would charge a hefty price for that.

Suicide is never the answer. It's usually a cry for help.

This is hilariously scary

Not really funny but..

1. What moments in my life have felt sacred, even if they weren’t traditionally “spiritual”? Describe what made them feel meaningful or deeply alive. 2. When do I feel most connected to something larger than myself — nature, humanity, God, the universe, my own intuition? What does that connection feel like in my body and heart? 3. What does ‘inner guidance’ or intuition feel like inside me? How can I differentiate it from fear, wishful thinking, or overthinking? 4. How has my understanding of spirituality evolved over the years? What beliefs, rituals, or questions have stayed with me? 5. Write about a time when life felt guided as if things aligned beyond logic. What happened? How did it make you feel about life’s deeper intelligence? 6. What spiritual questions live quietly inside me? Not the ones I feel pressured to answer but the ones my soul is genuinely curious about. 7. If spirituality was not about religion, rules, or perfection — but about presence, love, and awareness — what would it look like in my daily life? 8. What is my personal definition of “soul”? Where do I feel its presence — in emotions, creativity, silence, longing, love? 9. What role does trust play in my spiritual path? Where do I struggle to surrender, and where do I naturally flow? 10. What kind of spiritual nourishment do I genuinely crave? Stillness? Community? Nature? Poetry? Prayer? Meaning? Healing? 11. What is one spiritual practice (formal or informal) that has actually shifted something inside me? How did it subtly change how I see myself or life? 12. How do I experience the divine not in theory, but in real life moments? In kindness? Silence? Beauty? Grief? Love? 13. What part of me feels most hungry for connection, purpose, or deeper meaning? What might it be asking for? 14. Write a letter from your ‘Higher Self’ the wise, compassionate part of you to your everyday self. What does it want you to remember? 15. Is it possible that spirituality isn’t about becoming something — but remembering something? What might I be remembering?

Just exploring the space around me. Little by little. Breathe in breathe out. Just begin.

November 27, 2025 I have to be ready to make little changes in my life everyday to make myself feel secure. Today is the day perhaps.

November 23, 2025. 🌀 1. Synchronicities as a living Dialogue Have I ever felt that life was sending me signs or messages? Describe one such experience in detail. How did it make me feel? Do I believe these moments were coincidence, or something more? Why? If synchronicities were a form of guidance, what might they be trying to tell me? How do I usually respond when something uncannily meaningful happens? Do I dismiss it, or allow it to speak to me? ⚖️ 2. The Transcendent Function (Holding Two Truths at Once) Can I remember a time where I felt two opposite emotions at the same time (e.g., joy and grief, love and pain)? What did that experience teach me? Where in my life am I still stuck in “either/or” thinking (right/wrong, good/bad, success/failure)? What would happen if I allowed both sides to exist without forcing a decision? Write about a situation where holding both truths gave me wisdom, strength, or depth. 🌙 3. Dreams as Direct Transmissions from the Self Recall a dream that stayed with you. Describe it in detail. What felt emotionally significant or symbolic about it? Did any dream ever feel like guidance, warning, or revelation? What impact did it have on you? If your inner wisdom (or “Self”) could speak to you through a dream — what message would it give you right now? What themes, symbols, or repeated patterns keep showing up in your dreams or daily life? 👁️ 4. Ego-Self Axis Reorganization When do I feel most identified with my ego (roles, fears, insecurities, status, appearance)? Can I describe a moment where I felt more connected to my higher self, witnessing life instead of being lost in it? In what situations does my ego try to control things? What happens when I let go and trust instead? If my ego is not the master, but a tool — what is its healthy role in my life? 🌌 5. Living Mythologically (Seeing Life as Archetypal) If my life were a myth or symbolic story, what archetype am I currently living (seeker, healer, warrior, wounded child, sage, lover, rebirth, etc.)? What challenge in my life might actually be a rite of passage or spiritual initiation in disguise? Do I feel sometimes that my life is part of something bigger than me? What moments made me feel this? If my soul chose this life story for growth — what lesson might it be trying to learn? 🌱 Integration & Self-Reflection Which of these five experiences do I resonate with the most right now? Why? Which experience scares me, fascinates me, or calls to me? How has my perception of life and self changed in the past 5 years? Is it becoming more spiritually aware? Does this feel like just knowledge, or does it feel like something happening within me? 📅 A 5-week spiritual reflection journaling challenge 🎨 A personal spiritual awakening tracker (like a timeline of inner evolution)