IsmaelMM

Thank you @molosku for the detailed reply! This means a lot to me. Reading this makes me realize that most of these points already started to kick in! Knowing these normalizes what’s happening and that’s so valuable right now, thanks again. Definitely caught myself dwelling on how much it’ll suck being back. This is my second time doing one, so I’m much more observant and accepting about what comes up then the first one. I failed my first one miserably, but I’m sure that’s part of the process (Wasn’t aware yet of the dangers and traps. Took my phone and had WiFi. So I distracted myself a ton. Learned the lesson ) This retreat was different. Rented out a cabin in the middle of the Forrest to heal, decompress and come up with a new chapter/ vision (like “Chapters & Phases” Video suggests). Upon watching the video, I knew this will be valuable, bc I’m struggling a lot with the “Life Purppse Course”. (Came back last year from a huge chapter; Traveling the world with an international performance & volunteering program for 1.5 y) Not knowing about homeostasis and how one can get the best of ending a chapter, I fell into a long & deep rut of video games and porn. Got the course in December and took waaay too many notes on the theory part (Took the 1st retreat). And now this year tried to start a little YouTube channel, bc I wanted to just test and start taking action. (<- My biggest thing. Someone once asked me: “What are 12 new things that you’ve done bc of Self Help.” Realized I only consumed theory and distracted myself from the practice). Then I that I wasn’t authentic in my videos, copying a lot. So I needed to get the border of the puzzle first. That’s where another long story of distraction and a lot of resistance starts. I just couldn’t figure out my values. I always tried to maintain all the habits suffested from the tons of theory I consume, but most of these are very passive and also couldn’t bc it was just too much. So I wanted to get my values down so that I get away from all this complexity & confusion and start to make a clear path. Reatreat: • Learned a lot for my next reatreats, feel really ready now. • This really describes what I learned: All of society is a game made up of thousands and thousands of other games. Be it governments, careers, relationships, status,... And you don't really have to play any of them... It seems to me that it made me more authentic. Like I'm fine not wearing all of my protective masks. Sice I came, home I've been feeling more at peace with... well... everything, especially myself. Everything seems to be going muuuuch more smoothly. • Did 5 days of 4 x 1hr “Strong Determination Sitting” (No psychedelics. But I’m very excited for trying mushrooms for the 1st time this summer!! Would’ve fitted perfectly since I did so much reflection and was sour rounded by beautiful nature) • Started to finally really get together a pretty representative list of top 10 values <3 • Doing this in nature (the cabin had no electricity) got me back in touch with this element of survival that we tend to totally get unaware of in the west. I saw a lot of reasons of why I and people around me get depressed and that just felt extremely good & eye opening! • Did some “Psycho Therapy” on myself through journaling Was able to get over some events in the past by writing about them & using rational thinking on them. On day 3 I started to get these periods during SDS, where I would just laugh for like 15 min. Straight. Then on the 4th one of day 4. I was doing self inquiry and then bam. It was just pure love, no self & and gasping for air I’m so happy that happend again. ( Happend on the 1st one too. Back then I did know even less about meditation and what it could’ve been, so I just set the timer for another hour and it was no problem ) Mainly I learned how important inner peace and nature are to me from renting a cabin in the woods. Also I got this clear sense of how valuable spirituality, life purpose & self actualization are to me by finally implementing hardcore for 7 days straight! Now: • gotta be careful not to fall back into old habits & get sucked in by strong negative emotions. • keep up my meditation • keep up the reflection, as right now is where a lot of the power of a reatreat is at • practice observing and accepting • back home is made up of the exact same reality <3 Wow. All of this just poured out of me. Really helped me get a clear mind though. Now that I already did some reflection by writing this comment! Have you ever had something similar happen to you while meditating?

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Just arrived back home from a 7 day solo retreat! Anyone got some tips or wants to share their experience with being away from mainstream culture, internet and people etc. I kinda remember the lessons from Leo’s videos about “Egobacklash” & “How to deal with strong negative emotions”. Just would love to hear how you deal with your old environment upon returning. Ismael.

How long? 4 Days. Where? Family house in the middle of a forest in Germany! What? First 3 days: Around 6h accumulated time, bouncing between techniques Last day: 4 x 1hr of strong determination sitting! Experiences: 1. Gained a lot of insight about how to better plan the retreat for next time 2. More familiar with new techniques, like walking meditation and concentration practice 3. Generally my meditation practice gained a lot of momentum! The gains are real, feels really good. <3 4. Spend some time in the forest at night doing some walking meditation too. Just a couple minutes really taught me how soft I became from "sucking on societies tit" for the last 20y's. Got connected back to this "process of survival"! Kinda grounds you in this very primal sense. Questions: (A lot of 'em) - Can someone try to explain? Had similar experiences? -> Last day. Third 1hr sit. Towards the end of the 60 mins the "physical ailments" always get strongest. = Me: Really put the Suffering = Pain x Mindfulness Rule to work And then all the pain truly dropped to 0 and all of a sudden had total control of it. Started laughing and was in some kind of extacy for like a solid 10 minutes. I could really recognize all the pain in my knees and ankles like free floating experiences and saw that they'll exist without a me observing them! While all this happend, I remembered Leo talking about how the more mindful you get the easier it should become to sit motionless for long periods of time and be able to enjoy totally at peace smiling -> So I set the timer for another 60 min. And I sat there totally happy, still in some kind of trance! Loved it <3 Thanks for reading through! Thank you Leo for sharing all this knowledge with us <3 Happy x Mas from Germany.