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Everything posted by Sirius

  1. My body has been through incredible pain and suffering for a long time. I abuse myself with foods.I also cant sleep at nights and i've reached point zero.Either i do something for my health or I'll die. How can i dry fast properly?
  2. Well, I'll be honest and simple.I'm on the verge lately.Too much suffering. But , would a psychedelic change everything?Would it help on my case?I think i got nothing to lose.
  3. @Nahm I gotta loosen up buddy, i know.I gotta quit bad habbits, start taking care of myself again.I've damaged myself enough, yet i still shine like the sun. @Solace Your words moved me, tears got out when i read it.I'll try from now on the be with my emotions as much as i can. The problem with me is that i fucked up myself so much, and its hard to turn back now.It's gonna be a struggle to save this body. I'll start journaling from tomorrow, and with you guys and my family I'll cope.I believe i will.Thanks for your love my friend Solace. And thanks to the rest of the guys for their posts.
  4. I cannot go on detail of how my inner world is like, pretty much for my whole life but it has become a very bad place to live in. I used to meditate, i did alot of work on myself but there was a point that i realized that my egiostic mind has gone so far for so many years that there is no return for me.Since then, i fell into very deep depression.I havent slept for months.It's a miracle that my body is still standing. My focus was always almost zero, because I'm always distracted by my compulsions and whatever else.I live in fear every single second of my life.I used to cope with it but i cant do this anymore.My mechanical nature is so strong that whatever i do the ego takes over. I have become suicidal lately, because no matter how much i put the work of meditation my ego still takes over. I am now into a very deep trap of the subcoscious.Can i escape from this?Can i break this mechanical nature of mine?and how?No doctor will save my life.What can i do?Any advice would be helpfull.Thanks for reading this guys.
  5. @Nahm It is escapism actually. I am confused.But I'm afraid i wouldnt cope there also if i go.I need more time to decide.
  6. Well, my case is I'm dealing with alot of trouble in my life.And it's very hard for me to cope on this society.But i was thinking to just fuck it and leave, go to a shaolin temple and learn Kung Fu.Do you think it would help?My inner world is extremely painfull.But i cant seem to help myself so much here. Would leaving everything behind help or make things worse.Lots of Confusion in my life.I feel like I'm going to die here on the city.
  7. @Rebec Hi there.It seems like i could get some help from you.I'll message you when i can.Thanks for taking the time reading and replying to this I've been identified with this for 4 years now, so its a very strong part of me.Besides my pain and my suffering I'll stay positive.Being negative will lead me to very bad places.
  8. @Buddha Jackson Thank you for your Video my friend.I will take a look.Sure i'll message you too when i can.
  9. @Solace You are right.I cannot take decissions yet.I had another terrible panic attack.Came back home, sat on my bed and realized that my mind is OUT OF CONTROL.I need to sit and meditate, be with the pain.Let me body heal.Leaving for now, wont solve the problem. I will try the blame my friend.And thank you for being here to help.All of you.My journey is extremely difficult.I need to act.I need to quit the bullshit.I am here to express myself fully on this world.
  10. @Solace Hi Solace I am basically stuck in a trap of my mind for 4 years.I live in fear 24/7.If you remember , i've made a topic a week ago. I am afraid of gravity.I know it's stupid.My awareness is on my body all the time.I cant sit and focus for seconds cause I'm afraid and i cant help it.How can i stop this?It's something very complicated running on my mind for years.Cant even explain it to get help.Cant even sit and meditate anymore.I know I'm really negative but I'm suffering for too long.Havent slept for months, my health deteriorating.All kinds of problems.Suicidal thoughts alot also.Cause i really know i've fucked up myself too much.There might be no return. So i thought, maybe i should just leave, rather than stay and die here.These things will follow me of course but martail arts will help alot. I am in very serious trouble in my life.And i cannot help myself alone.I need guidance.
  11. @Colin well I'll stay on a healthy diet.Dry fasting is too extreme yeah Thanks for the sheet and Mat suggestion but i dont think i can do it. @plutoYeah i've heard of this.You're propably right.I wont dry fast. My situation is way too hard to describe guys, doesnt even let me focus. Thanks for your suggestions though
  12. @Nahm I realized that i cant stop eating food, but i eat healthy.I avoid bread and dairy.And yeah, being conscious while eating it makes me enjoy it better.I was always falling into food unconsciously.My mind drags me into food all the time because of my emotional suffering.I know i shouldnt eat certain times but i cant seem to help it.
  13. @Richard Alpert But Dry fast will help me heal.I believe i got enough resourses.
  14. Thanks everybody for reading this, and taking the time to help me out.The problem with me is I'm always distracted my something, never self actualizing.I cant focus, and i never could in my life.My body is asking for sleep, yet this mind causes all my pain and suffering.And i cannot stop it.I still need alot of time to heal.I hope I'll make it. Much love.
  15. @Solace Thank you so much for your big post , and taking the time to write this.I will try to reply to this later.I have gone through alot already, my heart cant take this anymore.
  16. @Nahm Thank you so much for this.I really appreciate you taking the time to help me.My family tries to help me ,but they dont know the way.I attented a psychologist which uses some kind of hypnosis therapy.I dont know if it's going to help at all, i believe its a waste of time.I believe i cannot be saved on this society.But even if i leave, i will carry everything with me. I'm a male and I am almost 26 now. I stopped meditating, i cant sit anymore.I'm very neurotic, my anxiety levels are on peak and although i need alot of sleep i cannot relax, my body is giving up.I seek perfection, perfect posture mostly.And thats how i got lost.I watch every single imperfection of me on mirrors, when i sit(Aligning the body), when i walk(watching every step) and when i sleep(aligning the posture) but this never got me anywhere, i was getting worse without even knowing it.I cannot stop moving and aligning my body for years to the point that i now have really harmed myself and i cannot stop it.I am lost and nobody can understand how serious it is for me.Whoever i talk to they're like "Oh well everybody has these kinds of problems". I was exercising and running but i started hurting my body, so i had to stop.It hasnt healed yet.Oh man i wish i really could explain further this one.My awareness is much on my body.Afraid of gravity, always.I want to exercise, but i also want rest. My eating was mostly veggies but i fucked up.Now I'm drinking coffee creating more anxiety.I struggling right now to explain and write.Unbelievable tension is all over my body. I have alot of truamas.From my father, since i was a baby and throughout my whole life by other people.Everything is supressed. No i havent done psychedelics although they might help.I used to smoke alot of week alone.So i fucked up also this way. I dont have friends anymore.I used to hangout with people but i stopped.I had a close friend but he left the city. I dont have a girlfriend no, i lack sex my whole life.I only had a few times, but i never enjoyed it.Too tense. How can i self actualize if i cant sit?i cant relax.I'm gonna pass out right now with this keyboard. I'm sorry i cant think anymore.I cant add anything else. Help me out, ill do whatever it takes. I have a dog yes.He helps sometimes.
  17. I'm doing a stretching routine by myself to loosen up my joints and muscles and i go into some weird poses doing some flow movements.Cant really describe it but im curious it if would be hurting me because when i finish i notice myself keep moving this way.I've heard that improper yoga aint good. Should i stop it?
  18. I mostly eat cabbage, lettuce, peppers, carrots, cauliflower, broccoli and spinach. Is there an issue eating them raw?I always wash them before i put them in my mouth.
  19. Alright, i took my decission.I will leave everything and search for a Yogi to follow his path.I am alone, and i realized that i cant make it.I need a guru.I need someone to teach me how to heal my body and my mind.I've been suffering for too long. And now what? Google search? I dont think so.I wont find anything.How can I search and find one of these people in person?How can i know they'll accept me? Nobody understands me.You guys are the only community i can talk to.Everybody i know and 99% of people around me, are asleep.Whenever i talk about these things they call me crazy and I should start medication.I've had enough of this.I feel so much pain inside me, i can feel the dysfunctionality.I can feel that I am not healthy and i cant cope with it alone anymore.I truly need help and guidance, but far away from this society.The yogis attract me alot. Any help will be highly appreciated.Thanks for your time reading this.
  20. @PsiloPutty Ido Portal said "Move or die" .Movement is crucial.Feels so fucking good purging all that crap we got inside us.
  21. @PsiloPutty Moving the body, shaking, vibrating and deep breathing is a form of letting go.Getting rid of all the tension helps so much.Because the body and the mind are one.
  22. @PsiloPutty Physicall exercise has helped so much. Yes my friend, I'm trying to be more gentle with myself now.I dont mind so much anymore.Gotta let go of too much control.
  23. @dorg Hm, yes.I try surrendering whenever i can. I've thought of this.Your words make sense.The guru loses attention all the time, but is also obsessed being aware 24/7.Maybe that's bad for me.I get very easily obsessed with everything.Well, yea of course i should be open to everything that is happening to me but I'm having alot of struggle to understand and i dont really know how to cope with most of my experiences.I'm still a newb.I've done great work for the pasty 3 months but i need alot of time, many things to learn.
  24. @PsiloPutty It hurts not having anybody to talk with.They all focus on irrelevant shit.They dont even know what consciousness is.It's not about wanting validation, its just that sometimes i wanna spit words and emotions to someone close to me but they dont understand.They say I'm nutts, so i keep being alone all day long. I've developed good skills on Jangama dhyana meditation, but i am not disciplined enough and i always stop.Then bad things happen. I walk, i move as much as i can.I run like crazy sometimes it i admit this has helped me out ALOT.You're right buddy, anything that makes me happy helps.
  25. @Colin Coffee helps but it makes us a little neurotic.Messes with our prana.It has helped me alot though