Journal on life purpose & self actualization

[Yilan]

Starting Here!

I have been longing for a platform to express, document, and connect. That's why I came here, a community full of like-minded people:) Hello!

I am in pursuit of life purpose in the realm of education and mental health. Along this, I am on my quest for a higher self, higher consciousness, and higher spirituality.

In the near future, I am focusing on preparing for A levels (till Nov 25th); in my leisure time, I would be building up foundational habits for achieving my life purpose as well as documenting my journey here.

 

Edited October 9, 2022 by Yilan
adding a title

[Yilan]

The past few weeks amidst our mock for A levels (the prelim exams), I spent quite a proportion of time doing a lot of introspection and research to figure out an accurate (and so far general) direction that my life purpose lies.

I didn’t feel like sharing it on ig, since it feels to me not the right place. Now that I have found a more comfortable platform, here it is:

Use my high sensitivity & innate drive for psychology in reshaping the education platform to develop students into internally driven, highly conscious individuals.

Life purpose also can’t be in the absence of self-improvement, so my second life purpose is set to accompany a personal development journey, specifically raising my level of consciousness:

Create songs inspired by personal experiences that spread high-consciousness values and influence people’s way of living through the subconscious

Based on those, I am setting out to do daily programming of the subconscious mind about my goals through affirmation and visualization. Till my A levels are done, I will be more than motivated to go on my life purpose journey! (with a more than half-year gap till University starts)

[Yilan]

Turning seemingly low consciousness opportunities to good practical use (imo)

#1

If on a diet or simply getting rid of snacking, it’d be a dilemma when the school hands out a packet of snacks: it’s yours before you can politely reject it, and if no one else wants it, you have to keep it or throw it away. You are also upholding environmentalism so you have to keep it, but if you don’t eat it, it is as good as throwing it. It also sucks to take up space in the room since you are trying to go essentialism, if not minimalism.

So I still kept them–so many packets of snacks–and now that I missed my breakfast, I can have it. So just think of the snacks as an emergency energy supply:) Now I am good. Life is a mind game

#2

What clogs out the phone storage is really mainly the photos and videos, so here is how to combine this with the hesitance about what and what not to post on Instagram:

Aim at clearing up photos at least weekly:

the learning slides will hence actually be viewed twice and utilized–which can then go to the dustbin after the essence is extracted. Same for other photos taken for practical purposes.

for memories to keep, there are good and not so good photos, select the nicer ones and keep them on Instagram (the supposedly right platform to keep memories)–so these periods of memories are documented consciously with some notes even–good for reminiscing in the future. Delete all photos on the phone

This is how to back up consciously, “storage-efficiently”. the memories are shared instead of hidden to loved ones at the same time–serving full to their potential

#3

For physical object accumulated throughout the day/week:

every time coming back home, from work/school/shopping, check through all bags and throw away not only the obvious trash but also anything that isn’t going to serve a clearly conceivable purpose, despite how hard it might be mentally.

It’s too easy a tendency to say “just keep this for later, what if it can be in use”–chances are they aren’t. Spirituality ties closely with the physical space.

Better yet, whenever receiving something, think about its possibility of use, and act accordingly. This also informs purchase decisions.

[Yilan]

Habits Log 1–forming and breaking

Good habits formed (in replacement of past bad habits):

1. feeling an urge to have lunch once it’s 12:30 (when this urge naturally appears, I know the habit is formed)

2. brush my teeth after meals, after waking up, and before bed

3. Decluttering all items daily, after coming back, and when seeing items worthy of disposing

4. wash hair and do a good cleansing everywhere once every two days

5. read some kindle before bed (books that will inspire life purpose)–which is where I take time to inspire myself:)

6. Putting friends’ needs at a high priority and doing it with a very willing heart

7. consciously seeking time to connect with nature (mostly Botanics Garden–1 stop away), just to exist and be. (in replacement of shopping mall meal)

Bad habits broken:

1. listening for too long pop music for a dopamine boost (I simply uninstalled Spotify and canceled my subscription–saves time and money at the same time!) I still listen but on youtube, which is not easy to access on the road, so I am urged to listen to podcasts instead

2. going to the minimart every day to get snacks (which are mostly unhealthy)–I now don’t go there anymore, unless I am too hungry to resist–then I would buy a small package of rice, which is a more healthy option

3. I don’t anyhow burn the midnight oil to cramp work out of eg. guilt anymore. Sleep is more important. However, I have a trouble falling asleep so I am looking to working on that

[Yilan]

Habits Log 2 – goal setting for habit forming & breaking

Good habits forming goals:

1. only go on Instagram once a week for photo dumps and checking notifications – even for important events, no need to post straight away. Still have the process of photo dumps to document the worthy and clear out space for the future

2. [important] text messages and emails: only check at the scheduled time every day, reply straight away, and leave it to the next scheduled time.

3. if time-sensitive, prioritize the particular chats

4. but never have cases where I aimlessly click into the chats to check messages. when the urge came, go on my one note page instead to read, and see if any inspiration would come up

5. same for emails. Emails: unsubscribe to meaningless email lists once they send more emails to me

Bad habits breaking goals:

1. when urge to eat comes up, it’s the reminder for me to take my vitamin pill, or go buy fresh juice.

2. getting rid of limiting beliefs, by firstly noticing them, and then write about it from a meta-perspective 

3. reflect on things I have a negative motivation for

4. reflect on my 10min emo box, do the shadow work there, instead of overthinking

5. practicing humor – at this stage, simply have this mindset to tend to humorous way of laying out my plan, introducing myself, etc. Don’t take life TOO seriously–it’s all a mind game!

[Yilan]

Book log 1: Books to read (very good recommendation for life purpose)

Currently: Journey to the West (I have finished ¼)

I am not reading it just as a storybook, but as an observation of the different selves of a human being, reading it as an extended metaphor for a person’s journal to self-actualization and eventually self-transcendence. –it’s a book about spirituality

The monk: the consciousness, good virtues, but at the same time, mortal, lacking in extraordinary physical strengths, prone to death

Wu Kong: the intellectual self, powerful, yet when the intellect is overboard, he tends to commit act of dishonesty–unbridled power

Ba Jie: as his name suggests, he is the embodiment of all human desires. He tends to get trapped in all the possible traps (oops) like when a host offers to marry him to the daughters

Wu Jing: (I haven’t figured this out yet, so will read on to find out), so far IMO, he represents diligence and hard work, achieving things step by step, but lacking in creativity, out of the box thinking, which is balanced out by Wu Kong.

Future books (in order, and will only purchase/download for kindle once I finish the previous ones)

1. War of Art (understanding resistance)–first on the list since there are still many instances that I face resistance in doing things. I wish to cure that first

2. Mastery (really getting very good at something)–directly contributing to my life purpose. This is also strongly recommended by my fav youtuber

3. The big leaps (understanding the zone of genius–what is my unique strengths?) –directly for my life purpose, positioning myself.

4. How to think like Leonardo Da Vinci – a timeless creator idol: as inspiration; learning mindsets always yield a such high return of investment for me, so I would like to learn how to think

More coming up!

[Yilan]

Habits Log 3 – Goal setting for daily habits towards life purpose & self-actualization

Morning:

contemplate about my own death (I have just edited a recording of visualization audio as guidance)

then, do the “breath of life” exercise to shift my energy, balance my mind, and harmonize with my soul (I have just made it very convenient to access the note I need to do this exercise)

then, review my “life purpose sheet” to reflect on how to live in better alignment with my life purpose and top values (I have just made it easy to access the life purpose sheet note)

During the day:

Meditation right before starting the afternoon work & evening work
“deepening focus” 15min

when there is unexpected gaps of time, go listen to the 5min “mental talk”

Before bed:

Meditation “preparing for sleep” (using the tested Lumosity mind), 10min for sleep after reading kindle

Future pre-empts for goal setting: more specific to my life purpose. It’s a good time before the A levels to first establish the general but very foundational ones, before getting into the specifics.

[Yilan]

Death Contemplation log 1 - 5 points per log

If I was more conscious of my death, I would…

1. Narrow down selectively all the commitments that I once wanted to devote my time to in my life

Eg. learning a new instrument/language — do I really want them so badly?

For all the commitments that I thought about doing, really think about what is my root motivation. And is that a highly conscious motivation?

2. Narrow down idle socializing

In fact, I have been doing this, but due to social conditioning, the environment pulls me down by gravity, so I need to be constantly conscious to maintain my peace

3. Do more things for my brother

(This just comes to my mind) help him to gain a sense of autonomy as soon as possible, for him to build a life well lived

4. Get the social pettiness out of the way

Scrolling through any short videos that flood the various apps—read my books instead

Instagram would also be a place for me to document memories mainly, but not do things out of other motivation

5. Do not plan too much but just do it

Actually, contemplation about death is the same as regaining a sense of awe for the world. This world is amazing.

I need to be more conscious of my definite death…

[Yilan]

Massive Experience Log 1 - Alumni Choir gathering amidst exams

I went to my high school’s alumni choir gathering, meeting people of different ages who are from the same root when they started out their young adult life.

It’s amidst the exams and so it’s reasonable that none of my batch-mates came. I never hesitated though, because I live just 5 min walk away, and also I know trying to squeeze out every minute to study is never going to be in my dictionary anymore. Meeting new people, especially in a somewhat familiar context, is one of the ways I live up to my 4th top value. It is success to me when I am living a life aligning with the top 10 values, and not one if I just manage to score a few marks higher.

It’s still necessary to make a disclaimer that I am paying sufficient attention (and will continue to) to my exams. I am glad to progressively find a good balance between self-work, pragmatic school work, along with other commitments that reflect my top values.

I got deja vu for today as well. I am still on my way to figuring out what deja vu really reflects, but for now, it simply means something memorable to me, something that will somehow connect the dots for me in the future.

My voice teacher, who helped me with my application to this high school, is currently the conductor of the alumni choir. She is amazing. We talked about applying to a choir program that starts around the end of my exams and before my flight back to my home country. I also casually mentioned the thought of submitting an art portfolio to my university application, which she highly encouraged me to do so and offers to support me with a letter of recommendation. So I have made up my mind:)

After spending such a long time of introspection to figure out the direction of my life purpose, I feel more grounded when people were talking about advice for life, studies, and relationships. It’s indeed a piece of great foundational advice to do enough self-work, before committing oneself to other people, other work, and other organizations.

Something that stirred me is the talk with a current lawyer, one of our alumni. She hasn’t slept for two days but was still attending the voice gathering. She also commits to another choir, as well as a long-term romantic relationship. I applaud her spirit of pushing herself to the fullest extent. At the same time, I will not make a similar choice. It’s all a personal choice. I am glad I am able to appreciate others’ choices while staying firm in my own.

“We commit to so many things, but not to ourselves, and I apologize”. —Ed Sheeran

Continue this pace and all will be good:)