Serious Journal

[Lemar98]

This is now a new journal, because a new life begins for me.

I really felt a lifestyle change, when I moved away. I already moved out 2 years ago, but I know I move to a different city. Its 1-2 hours away from my hometown. So this time its the next step. I already had 5 years of solid personal development, but it was an emotional and chaotic process. In these 5 years my ambitions grew faster than my personality. I have very high ambitions, but there is also very high resistance for this new life. I don't know, if I should start this new Chapter of my life in pain and suffering. But its the only option to really stand up to my ambitions. My heart wants really really much out of this life, and now is the chance. My last years were focused towards being accepted and respectes by other people. And I really feel how I now finally stand over it. The time of people pleasing will be over. It got me really far, but it was really frustrating. It taught me to be a real respected and independent part of this society. Finnally I earn enough to stand on my own 2 feet and I'm developed enough to withstand a turbulent lifestyle with a 40 hour work week. Now its finally done. No more depending on others anymore. Doing my own thing.

In the last months I had an episode of Ego Backlash. I smoked, drank alcohol, ate junk food. Things, I didnt do really much the past years. But its a good Opportunity to really leave this old life behind. Before moving out, i visited all my old friends and smoked with them, wasted money, ate junkfood and complained about stuff. I will miss these times, but I am too evolved now. Its the perfect opportunity now. This will be the last week, that I stay here at my parents house because of my vacation-job. I really endulge in those bad habits every day. Its so refreshing. I will think about these weeks a long time. And i will miss it. Next week there is fresh cooked healthy food, a fitness morning routine in my new gym, running on the fields, meditating on exotic places, reading in nature and of course: 20 hours of being with students to help them with their studying as a freelancer. And another 20 hours of being a student myself with other students and professors that help me with my studying. A good start for my new life. My purpose will be, that i influence the education system in a positive way, and in a systematic way. 

For now I max out everything i can out of my 40 hour work week. It will also consist of many hours in the garden with my notebook and doing planning, journaling, reflecting, fantasizing, visualising, really much. I look forward to this time. The game changer will be my morning rountine. Mostly based on fitness and nutrition but also a little bit on meditating and reading.

There is also freetime. Work hard, play hard. After 20 pm, I will do absolutely nothing productive anymore. Is that a good time? And before 8 am I will do nothing productive. 8-20 is a good time. And there needs to be biiiig break in the afternoon. With napping, eating, etc. Its a break between studying and working. After studying its a refreshing pause.

I want to have students between 15-19 pm and i want to study 8-12 am.

[Lemar98]

I know how my new lifestyle should look like. The only thing i am unsure about is doing charity work. Should i help people for little money? People that really need it. I want to help people. Thats maybe more important than reflection time. I dont know. Somebody needs to help. If I dont help people, then whats the point of reflection anyway?