"I" am found. Psilohuasca+6 grams mushrooms report

Adodd
By Adodd in Psychedelics,
Psilohuasca is said to make shrooms dosages twice as strong. So maybe more like the effects of 12 grams.   I took 90mg of harmala extract taken in maybe 1 ounce of orange juice than took 6 grams of mushrooms(lemon tek) approximately a half hour later. 20 mins after taking the shrooms I began to feel a very slight head change from the harmalas.
 
I planned to take a warm shower than make my way to my bedroom. I hopped in the shower and within a couple minutes I began to start feeling slightly distant from physical reality. Not a high feeling or even a normal psychedelic feeling. Just felt a bit distant from reality and my "self" if that makes sense. I sat down in the shower to relax and this feeling of being distant was quickly becoming stronger and stronger. After maybe 5 mins or so I started feeling spacey and disoriented and began zoning out. I became unable to feel almost any connection with my body or normal state of mind. I started feeling a slight panic feeling. I wasn’t panicking but my body seemed to be. The panic subsided but the feeling of being distant was so intense that I felt as if control over my mind was almost completely gone and that was enough to start to make me worry what was going to happen when this got stronger. "Will I completely lose myself and my judgement so much that I am going to do something stupid?" Staying on that train of thought for even a short time was begining to make me panic again so I decided to get out of the shower and head to my bedroom. 
I turned off the shower, grabbed my towel but was so zoned out into an almost deep meditative feeling state, that drying off felt impossible. So I slowly slid down and sat back down in the shower with the towel in my lap and stared off completely zoned out for Idk how long. 
I eventually realized what was happening and managed to crawl out of the shower onto the floor of the bathroom. As I was sitting on the bath mat on the bathroom floor I began to lose the feeling of myself being located where my body was located. I also began to lose my usual sense of self. I tried to resist this and extreme panic and resistance VERY quickly began to take over but no matter how hard I I tried to resist this feeling of losing myself, it kept getting stronger and stronger. And I cant quite describe what happened next. "I" was no longer in a state of analyzing or even knowing that I was a person on the ground in a bathroom on psychedelics. I was blank. I was dead. I felt nowhere, and like nobody and felt nothing, like what I thought perception meant was just gone. What I would normally call "me" did not exist. I stayed this way for, I would GUESS, at least an hour until I became aware again. But not aware in the normal sense. Aware as in a sort of nonlocalized and unattached awareness. Just aware. Unbiased awareness. I think at this point someone could've ran in the bathroom and cut my throat with a machette and I wouldve just watched. Without resistance or panic or care at all because I no longer identified with this body as the "I" like usual. I was no longer a human body or brain or ego. I was just the awareness of reality. I did not think "oh im awareness of reality" I just WAS. I had feeling of a realization that this was actually always the case but the drugs had somehow removed the distractions that always stoped me from realizing this. I than found myself kind of back into my body and  thought WOW! Everything that is distracting me from what "I" really am is so remarkably well designed! But designed how? And than the realizaton happened of"Oh designed by me!!!" I marveled at the complexity and the perfection of this and I immediately began laughing!  I felt like everything and all of existence and reality  had always just been me playing the game of god playing hide and seek with himself and I finally found me! Everything made so much sense, NOTHING could possibly be more obvious than this now that the distractions and illusions were gone. Of course! How could I have not known! 
 Still naked I uncontrolably became exhausted and fell face first into the clothes on the floor and began mutter "It could be no other way it could be no other way" over and over and over again until I lost the feeling. The realization was and knowing was gone. I felt much more back in my body again and tried to remember and think about it again. I couldn’t quite put my finger back on it no matter how hard I tried. I spaced completely out for a few mins fell face first again into the clothes and went right back into it, than sat up and lost it, fell face first again and went back into it, sat up and lost it, fell and went back, probably a dozen times until I sat up and was completely back in my completely back in my body and terrified. I was once again a human body on a floor on psychedelics after just being boundless. had the weirdest panic attack possible for maybe an hour, forgot who I was or what was happening.  I finally thought to change my setting. I struggled to my bedroom and focused on my breath until the panic was gone  and I was filled with a sense of love and bliss like I have never known. I effortlessly realized so much of my childhood traumas that I never realized before and felt instantly healed from them. There was forgiveness and complete understanding of those who I was unknowingly holding grudges against for so many decades. The rest of the night and part of the next day I just felt completely out of my mind. I had no visuals, no auditory hallucinations or anything else that I was expecting during the entire trip. I have tripped maybe 30 times and never have I ever had something even remotely close to this. All of my nn dmt trips seem like NOTHING compared to this. 
 
  • 9 replies