Long Journey To Freedom

[LifeLife]

A brief context to my situation, I have had troubles socialising ever since I was a kid. My parents didn't know how to socialise, I grew up isolated with no father and no one to show me the ropes. Despite my negative circumstances and accumulative events throughout my life I am going to grow out of that for the sake of it. To improve myself and commit a life long process on the road to destroying my ego but to figuring out the things in life that no one told me and taking them to a level of mastery. My goals include achieving a level of mastery in spirituality,  communication, emotions, relationships and self discipline.

Its incredibly shocking to realise that I have been on this journey for so many years. However I got this shit. So recently to give perspective on what I have been doing to reverse this downward spiral of negativity is I have been going out probably nearly every night for 2 months. Just going out and approaching random people trying to better my skills at socialising. In this effort I have made a lot of progress to who I am, I don't get over stimulated walking into a club, I can hold a conversation (still fairly reactive however and in my head ), I have moments where am in a very good state and I do very well and my social skills have begun to improve. 

Learning how to socialise has been the single most hardest thing for me to do. I am 19 years old now and I have been EVERYDAY trying to grow my social skills for 4 years. But if you saw how crazy I was before you would be astounded. I honestly must've had aspergus growing up. Even to this day I still don't know how to make friends, I cant hold a conversation and I only have one friend who I talk to (which has been a interesting theme in my life.. ? ). So I will probably keep posting here from time to time to show what I have been doing to reverse this process. My goals and aims is to keep going out pushing myself out of my comfort zone, take a course in public speaking, go on a meditation retreat, take a course in meisner (builds EQ like crazy) and also rely on real world experience to make my assumptions.

[Sen]

I had the same problem at age 35 so you should consider yourself lucky that your are aware of this at your age . Keep up the good work and with time you will realize that you are whole with our without friends. Observe how much abundance you have in the parts of your life where you have no needs and are indifferent of the outcome.