Feelings, thoughts and keeping a consistent lifelong practice

[kundalini91]

I am working through my darkness as i write this, i have been for a long time now.

The same challenges seem to reappear again and again.. Because of my traumatic childhood having to always

read my parents, and where they were emotionally my mind seem to often think about what others think of me..

So it´s kinda like a paranoia thing, i have come far in my healing journey, learning to love myself more and more..

I lack connection with a lot of the friends and people i grew up with, so i feel a lot of the time like i am alone, and that´s okay i guess...

Family is challenging as well, my brother and mother i hardly see these days.. cause they annoy the shit out of me... they talk all the freakin time,

never silent.. I know i shall love all of life, all of my human experience.. every thought, emotion, feeling, person, family member etc..

Thinking of Ram Dass´s quote: I AM loving awareness helps everywhere i go, but i cannot bypass the emotions i have in my feeling body..like 

tightness in my chest, which feels like anger for all that i have been put through in this life, all the unfairness and BS (victim mentality)

I know all this is just lessons for my karma and my Life-journey... Just wanted to share what´s going on inside me... I am tired and sick of a lot of people and situations of life... The suffering is good i guess, leads to more awakening, trials and tribulations for me to learn what i need to learn.

Just felt for sharing. One Love <3