Post mortem

[Arnold666]

Three years ago man, i was a mess. I grew up with assholes, drug addicted alcoholic friends and that's exactly what i have ended up. Anyway, not to bore you with all the details,

Fast forward a year, move away from that cancer city and i say no more. Stop smoking stop drinkin( hardest thing i ever done cuz i'll be drinking since 14)  start working out, listening to Leo, with my then orange kinda way of looking at life and doing all good. Started seriously working on my music career. Loving everything Leo is teaching me until we get to enlightenment. What the fuck is that ? spiri shit, new age shit, i hate that shit, i'm atheist what the fuck leo and all that jazz. Lucky or unlucky for me, listening to the neti neti episode, i'm walking with my dog, earbuds going, fine, i won't change this stupid episode about "enlightenment" dunno what the fuck is this, and i don't care. hippie religious shit.

Fast forward, who I am what i am ? 

and than puff. I died. I'm dead. In fact. I never lived. I'm nowhere to be found and in the same time i am everything. I'm nothing and everything. My internal voice just goes somehow to the periphery of my mind in that second like billions of insights explode in my mind. 

 

The line from the bible comes in mind. I'm the alpha and the omega and things like oooh this is what they are talking about, this is there big God who they don't even know it is. OMG god exists ? and its me ? its this ? its all of this.

and all thata jazz bla bla bla, ya'll know how it goes on with this stuff. I just have a mystical expirience that i shit my pants i fall on my knees start to yelling " Vai de pula mea !" Which means in romanian something like " Oh my fucking dick"

Anyway. Fast forward 2 years later: I wake up in the morning and

1)I go for a run, come back take a cold shower

2)Do the wim hoff method, streching yoga, meditate for 25,drink that leo's smoothie take leo's suppliments and run to work.

3) i have a cool ass job so i listen for like 5-6 hours a day to audiobooks. Everything about enlightenment, philosophy and leo's books

4)Come home, take a 20 minute nap, 2-3 times a week take an ice bath, focus meditation for 25 than vocalise for 1 hour.

5)Once a week do the shamanic breath, if not go do some breath work and mindfulness meditation for 45 minutes. Eat leo's soup and commute, fuck my girlfriend, eat with her ( while maybe watch Jordan Peterson cuz she digs him and i also learn something cuz i'm obssesed)

6)Than read maybe a half hour, or do some new technique, exercise that i just learn today from some book or somthing that i already knew

7) Go for a night time vipassana meditation for 30 min , hit the bed an repeat.

 

That's what i do 5 times a week, maybe saturday i go a little harder, do on hour of wim hof, or shamanic breathing, do like 4 hours of meditation or somthing, than at night i go out and get fucked up like crazy.

 

And that what i did last saturday and Jesus, Something happened on sunday. I was so hung over that i think i had like a nervous breakdown or somthing. Like nothing bad happened, but i don't know, all my conceptions and like my mind, started like a train that hits a wall or going of the rails like crashing in somthing and just ..just crash. My mind broke down, but i was fine, like the watcher, pure awareness but it was super disorientating and the ground , or at least my minds ground has fallen away and its just, wierd.

SO 

I didn't really wrote in this forum cause it seemed like a waste of time, i could have worked and meditated while typing away my precious minutes but i think i'm gonna have a break this week. 

 

I will be meditating for an hour a day and doing my vocalisation and nothing else ! No more reading no more learning no more grasping understanding and bla bla. Do nothing.

And yeah this will be my journal.

Or not, maybe i will get my energy back and with that my obsession too and i will have no time for this.