Changing my life.

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Hello,

 

It's been 5 months since I started the actualization process. I come from an emotional abusive childhood. I've developed addictions which I'm trying to manage the last years.

 

After getting better and better, getting more aware of my life I crashed into a few weeks of binging porn, gambling and excessive social media. I want to find a solution for this. The biggest reason I have at the moment is that I don't feel motivated for life. It's difficult to explain, I am motivated and want to do a lot of things, but I don't have the drive. I only have a strong drive for low conscious, effortless things. 

 

I don't have a strong life purpose. I bought the LP course of Leo. But after 10 video's I quit cause I needed to put effort wich makes me feel good in long term.

 

This is day 1 of the journey. Watched the low vs high consciousness video. 

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I'm feeling anxious. I want to do some selfimprovement. But I also want to binge on social media and videogames. 

I'm going outside reading.

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Anxious again. Not that the circumstances are scary, just my adrenals that are fucked up.

 

Focus on sleep, diet, start meditation and awareness of victim mindset.